Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I'm really sorry that is has been so long that I've been online with everybody here. At work, it's generally a 12-13 hour shift in front of the computer so I tend to avoid technology when I'm off. So on 10/22/2012, I formally banned myself from the local casino. If I set foot on the property, I get arrested for trespassing. (The next closest casino is 400 miles). There are some local mini casinos with slots but I have always avoided those and don't plan to start. I have purchased the occasional powerball ticket (full disclosure). I have been a bit depressed (that casino has been part of my life since it was just a racetrack and I was 14 yrs old).
I'm not feeling a "Yay" feeling that I've stopped, but rather I am depressed that I've been unable to control my impulses. I haven't told my wife that I took this action at the casino but she hasn't really noticed that I have stayed home, or she's choosing not to ask for fear it might encourage me. We've been getting along really well though. I've dug myself into a HUGE financial hole. Not so much that I fear loss of food, mortgage, or utilities. But I've drained all my retirement accounts, in debt to creditors up to my eyeballs, and owe the IRS. Surprisingly, the IRS has been really helpful in setting up payment plan. The bulk of my taxes are from draining said retirement accounts over the past 2 years.
I've been really upset with the hole I've dug myself into. I now have to hope I can get our of it in the next few years..(before my kids get older). I really feel I've failed my family and I've been very selfish for a very long time. I guess it took a long time to get here and it will take a while to get out of it. I suppose I should be happy that I'm not going to pass this addiction to my kids..(not blaming because I'm an adult, but it was my parents who took me to that track every weekend so it imprinted.).
I'm sorry I am rambling, but I guess I'm looking for an instantaneous fix to my financial dilemma and hearing how my peers are doing so well tends to depress me. I know there are so many of you who have overcome so much more and I apologize for my pity party. I just wish I had done this so many years ago. I just want to make my children proud and my wife proud and I hate that they have to suffer the blowback from my selfish addiction and stupid financial choices. I appreciate all of you letting me vent and thankful to all who reached out to me. I was suicidal my last post. Literally took a whole bottle of pills and forced myself to puke because I didn't want my kids to find me. If I had Pre-planned, I probably wouldn't have typed the last post and wouldn't be typing this one. I will try to be more proactive with the group and make myself more available to you all. I am ashamed that I haven't been online for all of you that encouraged me. I should make myself more available to you. I'll try my best.
So ending on a good note, I've been gamble free (other than a few powerball tickets) since 10/22/2012...the longest I've ever gone. I strive to say that every day and have faith that God and friends (here and afar) will help me in they endeavor. Thanks for listening.
I'm not feeling a "Yay" feeling that I've stopped, but rather I am depressed that I've been unable to control my impulses. I haven't told my wife that I took this action at the casino but she hasn't really noticed that I have stayed home, or she's choosing not to ask for fear it might encourage me. We've been getting along really well though. I've dug myself into a HUGE financial hole. Not so much that I fear loss of food, mortgage, or utilities. But I've drained all my retirement accounts, in debt to creditors up to my eyeballs, and owe the IRS. Surprisingly, the IRS has been really helpful in setting up payment plan. The bulk of my taxes are from draining said retirement accounts over the past 2 years.
I've been really upset with the hole I've dug myself into. I now have to hope I can get our of it in the next few years..(before my kids get older). I really feel I've failed my family and I've been very selfish for a very long time. I guess it took a long time to get here and it will take a while to get out of it. I suppose I should be happy that I'm not going to pass this addiction to my kids..(not blaming because I'm an adult, but it was my parents who took me to that track every weekend so it imprinted.).
I'm sorry I am rambling, but I guess I'm looking for an instantaneous fix to my financial dilemma and hearing how my peers are doing so well tends to depress me. I know there are so many of you who have overcome so much more and I apologize for my pity party. I just wish I had done this so many years ago. I just want to make my children proud and my wife proud and I hate that they have to suffer the blowback from my selfish addiction and stupid financial choices. I appreciate all of you letting me vent and thankful to all who reached out to me. I was suicidal my last post. Literally took a whole bottle of pills and forced myself to puke because I didn't want my kids to find me. If I had Pre-planned, I probably wouldn't have typed the last post and wouldn't be typing this one. I will try to be more proactive with the group and make myself more available to you all. I am ashamed that I haven't been online for all of you that encouraged me. I should make myself more available to you. I'll try my best.
So ending on a good note, I've been gamble free (other than a few powerball tickets) since 10/22/2012...the longest I've ever gone. I strive to say that every day and have faith that God and friends (here and afar) will help me in they endeavor. Thanks for listening.
Roxxxy26
welcome back, kind sir! Congratulations on making your move and sharing all of your feelings with us this evening. Recognizing the fact that you can't expect different outcomes with the same behavior is a HUGE step in the right direction. As Roxxxxy said, this IS the place to vent and the place to be. Your sharing is helping soooo many people right now, but it's hard for you to see this because of the guilt you are feeling.
The Most important thing you can do right this instance is to find forgiveness for yourself....and I completely understand that this is easier said than done. The past is the past, and there is nothing we can do to change that. It's also natural for us to look too far ahead in the future, and worry about how in the hell we will ever get out of the hole we dug. That's why we have to take it one day at a time. Eventually, as we get more and more time under our belts, we learn so much about this insidious addiction, and we also learn so much about ourselves. That is a beautiful thing, and I guarantee you, as long as you stay away from the bet....you will be able to see the blessings you have today, with so much more clarity!
Keep coming back, and might I suggest......leave those POWERBALL tickets alone. We welcome you back, Tread, and do look forward to you joining in on our discussions and posts. I might also suggest that you explore attending some GA meetings to help you align in your journey. You'll be surrounded by some wonderful people, just like yourself and they'll be able to help you sort through what right now feels like a maze of varying emotions. We are not evil people, Tread -we just have an illness that needs medication; therapy with/from other people suffering fro the same illness does wonders to help ease the pain and suffering of the guilt we place upon ourselves. I just ask that you think about it.
Be well, stay strong, and keep sharing, my friend . You are therapy for all of us, and we'll be there for you, as well!
Warm regards, Tagg
What really helped is actually making myself wanting a contact with my Ga group and picking myself up and going. Not finding excuses not to post something on DS, no matter if I'll be accepted or not.. And of course, forgiving my past and my mistakes. To feel free you need to feel honest, to yourself first. You are the most important person in your Recovery and you need to be even selfish in this aspect. But to do that, first of all you need to Really without no doubts know - What do you actually want for your Life and in your Life for yourself and not for anybody else (even if it is your family members).
I hope you will feel better soon! Take one moment, one hour or whole one Day at a time and give it a chance to set yourself free from Gambling!
Vicky.
I don't think our kids really care about money. They care about having a family that loves them and parents that are present. I once saw this quote on the web "you are not your f*cking debt". I can't remember what site I was on but it really hit home to me. Tread, we are humans with flaws and with strengths. We make mistakes and we also do wonderful things. You and I happen to be in a tremendous amount of self-inflicted debt but that should not wholly define us. We are not our debt.
Don't compare yourself to your peers. Everyone has something going on that really sucks. There are much worse secrets kept than "i'm a gambling addict".
I am glad you are not suicidal anymore. Let go of the shame of not being your best self right now. You are letting go of something that was a major part of your life. You don't have to do that perfectly. Just do it the best way you can.
I'm glad you are sharing here. It really means a lot to me to understand and be understood when it comes to this addiction.