I, as well as many others, have a problem of being stuck in the past... of not being able to let go.
some of that problem drives us to gamble and relapse, it is a hard thing to get over.... letting go and starting over, forgiving ourselves and focusing on a future.
For the first time in a long time, maybe even in my entire life... i can look back and see improvements... however small, it is better than regret and hurt. for those of you that know my current situation, it is no daisy.... my life is a mess right now. and i am wonderfully broke... but i am not broke because i spent my last dollar at a casino. im just amazed, at everything that is going on in my life right now, even in how depressed i am, that i can look back and feel better about my recovery in gambling. ok, long story short, im pregnant, ex fiance left me, im alone, im scared, im sick and have to go to hospital for iv's cause i cant eat or drink, and my life is out of my control at the moment. even with all this, i feel better than when i did gambling. i dont have that utter loss feeling like i cant control myself. even in the midst of a life crisis, i feel ALIVE. sure, i want the hurt and heartache to go away, but i dont want to die.....
when i would gamble and loose everything... i would just want to lay down and die.... when i looked at what i did... so ashamed.
i guess what im trying to say is.... if i was still gambing like that now... i dont know how i would handle this.
when your life is consumed by gambling there is no room for anything else. and now i have a baby to think of. and i have to be mommy and daddy.
i guess i just want to say, it feels good to look back and see progress in my life....
i never finish anything... full of wonderful ideas that never get done... its why i still never went to college.
and my past was always full of regret and shoulda coulda's
now i can see i am doing something... by stopping something. its worth it.