Hi,
I am new to the group but I have three cases. I have had some respectful parents and I have had some jerks. I am currently dealing with some scary Jerks.
Is the visits supervised? If so the visitation cordinator is supposed to take them from you. The parents are not supposed to be taking them without the visitation cordinator there, let a lone take them out of your car. I would ask the case manager about those rules.
I hope that helps

Thanks for your response 4evermom! Yes, visits are supervised by a theraputic counselor. I spoke with the childs case worker, she called the father and took care of it. They absolutely have no right to get into our vehicle for any reason, they crossed the line there, and that is why we chose to change things. For now on, they are not allowed to come out to get her, or come out to take her to our car. They are to say their goodbyes inside and we will take the child out. She also told them that visitation ends at 2pm, not 5-10 mins later because you are stalling on goodbyes. I'm glad she was stern with them. Because for over 8 months now I've tried to push the issue with them and the counselor about time. The counselor doesn't push the timing issue which annoys me. I guess the father was pretty upset and started a he said she said thing and she was like I don't have time to be put in the middle of a back and forth game. I agree. I'd love to know what that conversation with him was like. We have always gone out of our way to try to keep them involved or try to make conversation about the child. 8 months and not one of them have asked how she is doing. Or when we mentioned something or a milestone he just shrugs and acts like he's not listening. That's fine I suppose. He whined and cried about wanting a phone call every week, it was set up Sept 12, 2013...he hasn't called once. I definitely learned a lot from my last conversation with the worker. We'll see what the next visitation has in store and if they follow rules or have a problem with us.

We didn't want to create any problems, I did not feel comfortable with them opening my car like that. They are the type of people that if nothing was said about that behavior it would continue. Just like other things they've done. Every time they are late to visitation, is that being documented by this counselor? I sometimes wonder what the purpose of this counselor is. Because after 8 months and they are still always late, or can't be reached about scheduling a visit for 6 days, or he hasn't called, do these things get put into these reports she gives to a judge? This is just a crazy case and there is so much there and I just wonder what is going to happen to this sweet child.

hi, I am so confused I am a new foster mom and had my 1st placement and I not once had to take the child to her visits the cps worker did. Once she asked me if I could transport due to she had a meeting to go to and I said NO I was told we are suppose to assist at times but was told that they always have supervised visits there is no way in hell I would have went through what u did that is not right.. Hope your issue is fixed if not you need to get a handle on it asap.

UPDATE...the next day I called the child's worker and told her what had happened. Luckily, we are being backed by DCS, they are not allowed to just get into our car like that. So they were told that they are not allowed to come to my car or walk to my car with us, they are to say their goodbyes inside and the visit ends strictly at 2pm. Well, that pissed them off. He got angry at the worker. On the next visit, I talked to the counselor ahead of time and told her the new "rules". So she took the child to them and brought her to us when it was over. Still 6 minutes over time, I'm not trying to be mean about that, but this is a consistent issue with them. It's usually, 8, 10, 12, 15 minutes after. Meanwhile, they are late every single time. Whether it be, 9 minutes or up to 45 minutes. I hear from the counselor later that night, asking me if her sleep habits have been changed. I'm confused, so I ask why. She said she was unusually tired. I do not know what she, even though I know it's coming from them, are implying. She is on a good sleep schedule, and she was bubbly and happy when we dropped her off and picked her up. She only took a 35 minute nap, if she was that tired I know her enough that she would have taken at least a hour and a half to two hour nap when we got home. So now they are just trying to find something to dig at. This coming Monday we have another foster care review meeting. I wasn't planning on bringing her, but was told today that she has to go. I don't think especially with the hostility they have right now, it's good for her to be in that environment. A lot of things have happened since the last visit and I'm sure they will not like what they hear. We have always tried to keep the open communication, like we were taught in our classes, with him and now her. But it's in one ear and out the other, they don't listen. After 8 months of mom not seeing her child, her only question to me was if I flat ironed her hair that day? Really?!? This is a crazy case. We would love to adopt her if it came to it, but after her I think we may be done. I do not believe in the system.

DBRUNSON...it's almost to the point where if they want to complain about not coming to my car, then I'll take the car and us out of it, and someone can come get and bring her back to us. Around here they expect you as foster parents to do the visits. Our last child, we did visits with mom every sunday for 2 hours, no one from DCS ever came.

omg Jen Im in Midlothian tx My first placement mom lived 1 hour away from me and had weekly visits I not one time ever took her to one.. Now her cps worker tried twice asking me and I always made up an excuse y I couldn' take her, shoot to me thats there job I am too busy going to doc appointments cooking cleaning doing foster paper work etc.. I barely have time for myself.. why cant they do it for safety reason I don't want to meet these bio parents we don't no anything about them I have heard some horrible stories on what they have done to foster parents.. keep me away from them.. I will take very good care of there kids but do not want to meet there bio parents I am sorry but right now this is how I feel.

My hubby and I both work full time jobs. I also do the normal household stuff, along with outside the home stuff. It can get busy. So far we haven't had a real problem, we've had a counselor there for the supervised visits for the past 7 months. But yes, they've said things or not talked to us before she gets there. For now on we are not walking in until she gets there and we pass off the child. Only because I want a witness to any craziness they want to pull. I do not trust these two, meth heads and have been in jail. I figure it's best since they have an issue with us, to just keep our distance so they don't focus on us and focus more on the child. We've been doing this just over a year and have never had a worker take a child to a visit, they mainly say it's our job unless there is a serious issue. But I have spoken to other fosters in our town when we have our training meetings, and some of them have been pretty clear that they will not take the child to visitation, so the worker does.

Hello all, so I am new to the group. We have been licensed FP for 2 years going on 3 already and just got our first placement in March. And with each child, is a different situation. Ours is mom's in jail, and dad is trying to reach out. Right now, he has supervised visits and of the last 4 weeks, he's seen dad only twice and talked to him another time. During his very first visit dad said he was coming home with him, its been 3 weeks/visits later and he is still with us. He just had a court date again today and based on the information I received today, he's not going home his next court date either but will have a visit. My concerns with these visits are the talk backs once he returns "well when I go with my dad" or "i'll have rules at my dad's house". He uses as those as slaps at us but yet tells his attorney he wants to stay with us-its frustrating. We understood these situations would occur on visitation days but they are crossing over to other days now too. I feel it gave him false hope to early and he's now getting angry at us for it. His case worker just approved therapy for him, he's been through something he does need to talk through and he's not talking it out with us. And I understand why, he's guard's up, in his little mind i'm going with my dad soon, so why talk to them. My fear is dad has not been in his life long enough to realize how actively involved he will have to be. Plus dad just had his 3 child, so worried that if he goes with dad, he'll spend no time with him. Any one have suggestions for this situation? We courage him to color pictures for both mom and dad but then he's like nah I don't want to but says he misses them. I feel this little boy is soo confused and I'm starting to get confused with him.

The one I have acts really bratty after a visit. I don't like going but have to anyways.

Our child also acts out after visits and she's only 2 1/2. She would act different when it was just visits with dad, but now it's with both parents and it's worse. It's not super bad I think, it's just that she's more aggressive towards us and a few times to our pets, she's more defiant and tries to push limits. She also has had more potty accidents the day she comes home from the visits and that night and next day. I'm assured and told that this is all normal behaviors and that I should just keep documenting it. I agree, from what I've learned and read it is normal behaviors. We don't make a big deal about when her behavior is different, we will just distract her with something else or just remind her that we can't just throw ourselves on the floor and kick our feet because we are mad. I also get that this is part of being her age, she is extremely bright and I think well behaved. She has come ALONG way since the first day she came to us.

The parents have visits and during these 4 hour visits they aren't having to do anything hard or actual parent her. We have done all the hard work and taught her manners and shaped her into the amazing child she now is, so they are benefiting off of our work, which annoys me at times because this counselor I'm not 100% sees that. Of course she's not going to have meltdowns or cry or whatever. They hold her and give her anything and everything she wants and lets her do whatever, so of course she's not going to get upset.

Hi Jen, we just actually got back from a teacher conference, which was already planned but also just found out our little man is going back to red. His school is a 100% behavior school, and red starts him all over in working to go back to gen pop. That is our goal for him so we can keep him on learning what the other kids his age are doing. BUT, they just us a behavioral plan for home now too! Its a point system and points get them rewards. You'll have to alter to your little one but let me know if you'd like to see it. I can e-mail it to you.