Foster Care Support Group
Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in parent(s) cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adults by state authority. Responsibility for the young person is assumed by the relevant governmental authority and a placement with another family found.
My 17 yr old birth daughter, has 2 friends who are sisters, ages 17 and 15. Their parents are on heroin. Things in their home got really bad this time last year, both sides of their families are not good people, all have issues of some sort including many that are also addicts.
Feeling sorry for them we let them stay with us, however I wanted it to be all "official" so last summer I got CPS involved. Because we are no relation to them, we get no help financially. My husband has never been 100% on board (I think he has just tolerated it to please me). I guess when I said they could stay I really thought somehow CPS would force the parents into rehab and they would get the girls back soon....Now I know how dumb that thought was.
We recently went through our Foster Care Preservice classes, mainly to get some help financially. We have not yet had our home study, so we are not titled yet. However I've just found out that the girls and my daughter are not getting along. They are been friends for years, but I think the girls are jealous of my daughter and tensions are raising. My daughter is very out going and has many friends, and the girls are not that way, they have always struggled to make friends and my daughter tends to take "broken birdies" under wing and wants to care for them.... My daughter and the oldest girl will be seniors next school year, however the youngest girl is only going to be in 10th grade.
I guess I'm feeling confused....I really don't want to care for them for another 3 years (I'm sorry if this sounds really selfish), we were looking forward to being empty nesters....Also keeping up on Foster Care requirements is not anything we want to have to do either.
If I tell the Care Worker to move them, I know my heart is going be feel like it just ripped in half, but on the other hand I feel like my family is not going to withstand the pressure of having them here.
They are not bad kids at all, for the most part they are good girls, but I don't think we can continue to keep them.
Are we awful people if we ask for them to be moved?
Feeling sorry for them we let them stay with us, however I wanted it to be all "official" so last summer I got CPS involved. Because we are no relation to them, we get no help financially. My husband has never been 100% on board (I think he has just tolerated it to please me). I guess when I said they could stay I really thought somehow CPS would force the parents into rehab and they would get the girls back soon....Now I know how dumb that thought was.
We recently went through our Foster Care Preservice classes, mainly to get some help financially. We have not yet had our home study, so we are not titled yet. However I've just found out that the girls and my daughter are not getting along. They are been friends for years, but I think the girls are jealous of my daughter and tensions are raising. My daughter is very out going and has many friends, and the girls are not that way, they have always struggled to make friends and my daughter tends to take "broken birdies" under wing and wants to care for them.... My daughter and the oldest girl will be seniors next school year, however the youngest girl is only going to be in 10th grade.
I guess I'm feeling confused....I really don't want to care for them for another 3 years (I'm sorry if this sounds really selfish), we were looking forward to being empty nesters....Also keeping up on Foster Care requirements is not anything we want to have to do either.
If I tell the Care Worker to move them, I know my heart is going be feel like it just ripped in half, but on the other hand I feel like my family is not going to withstand the pressure of having them here.
They are not bad kids at all, for the most part they are good girls, but I don't think we can continue to keep them.
Are we awful people if we ask for them to be moved?
We thought love and attention would be enough to make it work with the child we had removed, it wasn't. We lived with the stress and tension for longer than we should have. If you think it's best that they are removed then have them removed. Also make you give CPS a time frame to have them removed, like maybe during the summer so it doesn't affect their schooling. If you tell them that you will keep them until they find another home those girls will be in your house for years.
Remember, your biological family has to come first, at least that's how we look at it.
through my years I have been to five foster homes. three of the five where when I was 1 year old my bio mother went to cps and they came and got my brother and I. they put us onto the foster care system in the state of California. they first house they put us was beyond horrible it was like a living hell. they beat us, starved us, locked us in our rooms weeks on end, and so much more that has permanently left me with post trauma stress disorder, physical disfigurations, permanent body damage, and left me with a lot of emotional trauma. to this day there is a lot of things that I can not do. the other two in California were good then my mother finally got us back.
what I'm getting to is cps is always not the best route. I'll be honest I was not a really good foster kid in my teens. and that's because usually we have issues like feeling not wanting to be wanted or being abused. no your not a awful person for wanting them move. because yes its extremely hard to be their for foster kids and it is very exhausting. if their mom is using drugs it would be good idea to get the cops involved because if they are around heroin they can get addicted through second hand smoke and is a huge health issue because of std. yes its going to hurt you if you move them because you have become attached to them emotionally. if I could give you a idea try to show them they are wanted and not a burden because usually abused kids and read people expressions and feelings extremely well. I hoped this helped.
It sounds like the girls' needs are beyond what your home has to offer. I understand the guilt that comes with that decision, as well as all the second-guessing. However, I also believe that there is a home out there that is a much better fit for these girls. The longer they stay with you and you try to force it to work, the longer everyone in your family suffers. None of you (these sisters included) deserve that.