Foster Care Support Group

Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in parent(s) cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adults by state authority. Responsibility for the young person is assumed by the relevant governmental authority and a placement with another family found.

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Children's Health & Parenting
/ Foster Care Support Group

In my feelings

brianna526
brianna526

Its hard being a foster mom ...



 to watch this baby grow and been there for every tooth that came in and all the sleepless nights spent trying comfort baby and not being able to hang out with friends or go the gym because you dont have no one to watch the baby.... and the date nights missed because no baby sitter or baby is sick going to the hospital numerous times ... dealing with the nights where baby would just cry to cry ... being frustrated because you don't know what she wants or needs ... being there for the first roll over , sit up , crawl, steps , teeth , you were able to finally put a hair bow in her hair ...her calling you mama , and getting on and off the sofa... and so much more to come ...  and putting your own wishes for biological children on hold because it would be just to much at the moment..and not knowing how long until you can try ....and while time fly by ... and dealing with every earache , and every explosion diaper where your like wtf ? And missing work so baby could be with me and be comfortable... and her getting hands,foot and mouth virus twice thanks too daycare and paying for everything she needs like diapers, wipes, clothing ,shoes ect because all baby came with was a trashbag of bleached stained close that was for winter and we were in spring time ....its expensive...but she has everything she needs now ... and thats fine and all but when (her) the reason why she is in foster care who hasn't contributed a dime for a diaper or wipe or have  that even process though (her) mind or a want to either  ... gets to have  supervised visit once a week and she takes a million pictures for facebook and says she is such a great mother and to know in a year or so ...who baby has learned to be ma and da and my kids who she loves and they love her ... and my mom who has been there as a real grandma who has helped alot with her and who loves her as she was her grandchild ...be ripped away and all that love you gave that child will be gone too is a hard reality.... and the life you were able to give baby with not needing anything and with no help from her "real" family ... and having a nice home to live in and a nice family to live with... to just end ... its not easy ...  ... but its true ... and im at a point where is it worth it ? Do i give her back to her "real" family and not know how she will be ... baby came from a hard life ... pretty unmanageable... and to know yeah i have some rights to baby but (her) will always have a say ... im am really afraid of goodbye and do i do it now with less history or then with more ? Either way i would feel as if i gave up on baby ... but im weak ... and i don't want to make it harder on baby with her possibility being taken away at the age of 2 or 3 and I've had her since she was 7 months .... i need feedback idk what too do ... 

tryjng16
tryjng16
It's hard for me too.. I watch my foster children gain weight, and learn to talk, walk and ride bikes. I knew that when they went home it would be hard. I wasn't ready for it to be hard before they went home. I take a deep breath every day so that I don't give up. I have faith that their parents will be ready when they go home. I have faith that they will be supervised and if the parents turn out not to be ready that the kids will come back. And I hope that what I do every day just makes them strong enough, healthy enough, and loving of themselves enough to make it.
brianna526
brianna526
Thank you :)
lrlsea
lrlsea
I am in a similar situation. Am blessed with 2 foster children and was initially told that we would be able to adopt both of them. We have had our first daughter for almost 9 months and are living court date to court date. Everyone is telling us that we need to mentally prepare ourselves for her to return to her birth mom. We are very attached, but know that we have to accept what the judge decides. Every day is a blessing but it is challenging to think that we will not be able to adopt her.
alysssssssa
alysssssssa
Fostering is one of the most amazing and scary things. You offer a child all the love, safety and care they need and along the way you get attached. I am now 2 years in and approaching the adoption process. But there times when this didn't seem possible and I found myself struggling when I was rooting for parental failure so I could keep the girls. They're 1 and 2 (14 months apart). I got the oldest when she was just 3 months and it was suppose to be temporary. Things changed. I got her sister straight from the hospital. I've dealt with all the long nights, seen all the first, and planned the holiday events and birthday celebrations. It was scary living court date to court date and thinking this may the day the judge would lean towards them returning with their mother. In my case, I got blessed! Our next court date is to terminate parental rights. But I can tell you this, what you're doing is amazing!! You have given that little girl a gift. I know it won't be easy if she does return home but know you gave her all the love she needed when she needed it most. Enjoy every moment you still have with her!
brianna526
brianna526
Thank you for everybody support in my situation news update we have another court date on February 17th birth mom hasn't seen baby in 30 days social worker came today with birth mom for a visit birth mom was in a recent car accident and was out of work for a week I have been trying to call and text her about getting diapers and wipes for baby today when she came of course she didn't have any diapers or wipes and she started her pity party about how she was in a car accident and now her back hurts I myself was in a car accident in October and also was out for a week out of work and guess what the need was still there I couldn't say that I could not buy diapers I couldn't say that I could not buy wipes I had to make it happen so that was a sorry excuse especially when she has recently dyed her hair and gauged ears and bought new clothes the priorities are all messed up and now she states that she doesn't know how she's going to be able to work with her back hurting the way does and here I am putting two and two together so if you're saying that you don't have any money you don't know when you're going to go back to work how can you tell me to my face that you got me and that you will be able to buy diapers in two days? Meanwhile baby is still calling me Mom and calling my spouse Da we have recently talked to her about it. And she stated that that would never happen so at this point she wants her cake and eat it too she doesn't want to work she doesn't want to pay for anything that the baby needs where I'm having to pay for everything out of my own dime and then come a couple of months later we're all she needs to do is look like she wants to move forward and do something about her life and here comes the courts to allow her more time and more time and more time and more time this is a very hard thing for me I just can't believe it and here next to me this child I feel the worst for she hasn't seen her mother in 30 days her extended family has not seen her and God knows when no one inquires about her no one calls no one texts nothing.... this is crazy...
lrlsea
lrlsea
It is a challenging situation. Our next court date is February 8th. The attorney for our oldest foster daughter sent out her representative last week and we were told that she will be recommending adoption. We would love to adopt her more than anything but know that the CPS worker and the birth mom's attorney will want her to return. My wife and I are both professionals and we wonder how the birth mom will raise her daughter without much support. Every day is truly a blessing. The oldest will be turning 1 soon and our other foster daughter will be 4 months old in a couple of days. At this point, I just keep telling myself that we have deposited a lot of love into our oldest foster daughter's life and pray that it will carry through potential difficult times ahead. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but am concerned about the whole that will be left in me and my wife's heart if and when she leaves us. Thanks everyone for their posts.
brianna526
brianna526
I feel you pain me and my wife just had a meeting on Friday about what we thought was a 6month plan because I had my foster daughter since April of 2016 and I was telling the social worker that can she push the fact that she has been in my care almost a year now and thats the new law where they don't want foster kids in the system more than a year ... so at this meeting biological mom was told that she has until March to complete her substance abuse classes that she stopped going to and to get a place ... or me and my wife will get guardianship over our foster daughter then the next step will be adoption... im praying that we get to keep her and take her away from this crazy situation... its not just the biological mother im worried about its the whole family ... they all are into things that are harmful to children and there own health ... if you get my drift ... and it's insane... biological mom has been out of work for 3 weeks now and since day one of me having FD she has only bought one small bag of diapers and recently told me she would get me a box of diapers I told her the brand I get her because she has sensitive skin and Huggies Movers work best ... after waiting a month for these diapers she gets a store brand box ... i was like don't even worry about it i got this then has the ordasity to ask me to save the receipt so she can take it to court on the 17th I was like are you serious? When you give me the $38 then you can a receipt.... she never gave me the money ... and by now I lost the receipt... i tell you what a loser ... and just to say i dont get any help financially with the state because I'm not family to my FD bio mom is my wife's ex co worker only when I get guardianship will I be able to get money help for her... im hoping this happens soon ... not that I need it but it does help with these expensive diapers... i hope that you get to keep your girls ... these kids deserve so much better then they had ... i know that bio can't give the life style I can ... not that im materialistic... but I've spoiled her and she deserves it and she loves shopping just as much as I do lol ... i have no biological children my self but me and wifey have 3 kids we raise together from her previous marriage... and they are awesome too ... we are also going through court battles over them too so there's alot of stress around the air right now but I hope all goes well for the sake of all my children...
johnick
johnick
It is sad how often this happens. My partner and I got our little man almost 18mths ago. He calls us Daddy and we know him inside and out. We know he always wants water near the bed. We know he won't fall asleep until you rub his back. We know what makes him happy or sad or angry. We potty trained him. We teach him new things daily. For the entire first year, both biological parents were nonexistent. They didn't care. He was a last thought to them. Now, biological dad has decide he should make an effort. The courts have now decided to reward him. They pushed court date farther and farther back. Last court was decided to change plan to adoption...but next court in April we hear the judge will most likely rule in favor of reunification. The judge likes to allow more and more chances to parents. While my little man is the one that has to suffer through it all. This home is all he knows. We are his Dads. He loves us and we could never love anything more than him. But because the system is set up with flaws, it is possibly this little man will be ripped away from us. This guy is not a Dad...he can barely manage to make two hours a week work for a visit. Being a dad is 24/7...you think of nothing but them! They get the attention...I'm furious with this system! I don't know how to handle them taking him from me...it's like losing a child! How to you stop that love? How to you feel good about him going back? I want to be a good person...but I can't lose him! We need each other! He needs protection from them...they may clean themselves up for a few months, but they will shortly be back to their old habits! What happens to these kids then? When will the system learn!!!
Kfostermomma
Kfostermomma
Johnick, We are now in the same position. I swear I will never sleep again if he goes home. I will worry about whether or not he is eating, being taken care of and God forbid being neglected like he was when he was first removed from their care. The system is so flawed that it's ridiculous. He has been in the foster care system for 19 months and out of their care for 22 months total. He turns 3 in a couple months. They do not KNOW him AT ALL. I know God has a plan for this child and I just need to put my trust in that.
heavychicken68
heavychicken68
you are so right. being a foster parent is the hardest thing I've ever done . we are asked to give a child all the love and support you would give your biological child. This comes naturally but the tricky part is that we have to somehow not get "too attached" . to remember that our role is one of care giver. the problem is that tis is just not realistically possible. my fd was left at the hospital because birth mom would rather return to the drugs than be with her child so the poor baby was in neonate for 3 weeks with only busy nurses and volunteers to hold her so in her case we were instructed to bond , to use bonding exercises because she will likely have issues even as an adult because of the lack of parental bonding in those critical first hours and days . so you bond while being careful not to get attached . I thank god for the opportunity to do what I do . it has enriched our lives and I know we are helping these children but the system is so flawed . It seems there is no point at which a birth parent has done so much damage that they don't get another chance. I believe in second chances and pray for bio parents because I want what's best for the children . But I believe what is best for the children is a concept the system is lacking . How many of these kids end up aging out of foster care because of repeated , failed reunifications until the child is no longer an attractive( for lack of a better term) candidate for adoption ?