So I really just need to vent...

I am 23 and 2 years into fostering my 2 nieces. The girls are 14 months apart, 14 months old and 28 months. I got the oldest at 3 months and the baby was discharged to me from the hospital. I've been there for all the late nights, seen all the firsts, planned the extravagant birthday parties and nurtured them through every single slight cough and sickness.

Taking custody was completely my decision, both times. I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park but my concern was for them. The baby doesn't really know my sister but my oldest niece is a different story. She had been completely inconsistent with visits and that causes so much problems with my niece. Some nights she wakes up screaming in the night, some days after seeing her she's defiant and throws ridiculous tantrums. Does anyone else deal with the negative effects of parental inconsistencies? 

Also, how do you guys discipline a 2 year old who tests all boundaries?? I really struggle with this. I try time outs, talking to her so she realizes what was wrong, but it's not always effective. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. 

Anyways, we have now reached a point in our case that I've been longing for! Does anyone else feel the stress of dealing with social workers and being micromanaged with your parenting choices (like when you can take a vacation, how long you can be away, who you can have around the kids?)

Well, our next court date is set for May to have parental rights terminated!! I am wairing to be contacted by the adoption worker to start the home study and begin the whole process. I've heard countless times how intrusive this process will be; and well I have nothing to hide, I sometimes get very nervous thinking of all the prying. And of course the obvious realization that I'm 23, with an I completed degree, taking on 2 kids. 

Sometimes everything is frustrating. The workers, the never having a minute alone, never enjoying my meals while hot. Am I the only one who feels this way? 

I've never been one to lI've the partying scene but I know there has to be an issue when I get excited to make a trip to the market solo. 

However, the moments when the girls just want to lay with me and watch cartoons, or I randomly get an "I love you more" and a hug, or when the baby calls me "mom", or when I watch their radiant smiles and know they're completely loved and taken care of, those moments outweigh the days where I struggle to make it to nap time.

Nonetheless, I am completely excited an anxious to take on this new chapter in our lives. I am praying and believing that our adoption will be finalized by the end of this year.

Thank you for listening to all my rambling. To all the fellow foster/adoptive parents, blessings!