My husband and I were foster parents for around 10 years, fostered many kiddos and adopted 4 very awesome kiddos. I am incredibly sorry that did not have a positive experience in your foster home :( While I don't have experiences to share I would be more than willing to listen to yours and chat with you.

I'm a Kinship parent. My one grandson with me, the other in a foster home because they won't let him come home. Not to where they were, but to me that got certified to get them. The system is rotten. And that's not the half of it.

Hi there.
I was in foster and respet care, I've also been in a youth group home. I was in my foster home for 14 months, and thankfully, they weren't abusive per se. Negligent, sure, as was my caseworker. I guess it really depends on one's definition of abuse. I'd be down for swapping horror stories. Most of my traumas came before and after that home, but that home definitely had an affect on me, to say the least. Some days I still feel as though they've left me catatonic, in a sense.

I've just joined here and it appears the original post was quite some time ago but it is still a topic worth discussing for many, I am sure. I have never been in foster care nor have I been a foster parent. My interest in this topic is that I know of a couple who are fostering for the wrong reasons and they are (at the very least) emotionally abusive to their own children with documented concerns which were shared with the county BEFFORE they became licensed to foster. The county swept that all under the rug and licensed them and now they have 3 foster kids.

It is not really known (by me) what kind of care they give those foster kids (all 3 years or under) other than one person at their home did report to me they put a 3 year old girl to bed early for soiling (or peeing, I forgot which) It was 6 PM when she arrived, but she did not know the exact time the child was put to bed. When she asked about this child she was told she was being punished for having a bathroom accident in her pants.

While one such incident may not set off alarm bells, I personally don't think that sounds appropriate and it points to the KNOWN issues of extreme, even bootcamp punishment they have implemented on the foster dad's bio kids (her step-kids).

The situation bothers me so much. I guess I would have to explain a lot more about how I know these people (okay the abused step-children are my grandchildren). I'm sure the more usual circumstance is treating the bio kids better than the foster children but this is a case where it is reversed. Even so, I think it is quite possible when the foster children (whom they hope and plan to adopt) become adolescents and teens, this woman will be completely shocked to find that (all) kids sometimes lie, sneak, don't do well in school, sass, resist doing their chores, and so on. Of course they need discipline, but grounding for weeks at a time until they have long forgotten what they were grounded for, not being allowed to visit grandparents, and even bootcamp punishment is not warranted. I actually have a copy of the text she sent to the mother soon after they married where she used the words bootcamp punishment and described how they were going to implement that (chorese, physical activities, restrictions..) until the children learned to behave perfectly. Another text which I saw (and still have a copy of) detailed severe punishment because the little girl, age 7 at the time, refused to eat her sandwich, saying she did not like it. After her second refusal, she was spanked, sent to her room and told she would not be allowed to go on the amusement park yearly outing that was planned in advance by her mother (who has custody of them 5 days per week, thankfully). I talked to the father about this and the fact spanking is not allowed for foster kids. He was adamant in telling me he is allowed to do what he wants with his kids, and has no problem treating them differently that he is allowed to treat the foster kids.

It is possible she is not abusive to the foster kids but I wish there was a way to actually know if those kids are better off staying in that home and being adopted there, or not.