Have you talked to your case worker about this? Or his/her supervisor? What about the GAL/CASA? They are supposed to be looking after the best interests of the child, after all.

I've spoken to her case worker, she says that she's tried to push the issue of them stopping visits, but DCS won't back her. Not why really? They are the ones who sets these stipulations up. I have not spoken to her GAL about it. It just seems silly to me. Because they are doing what ever they want and obviously not complying with perm plan or probation and they still get "rewarded for bad behavior". What reason do they have now to follow, maybe because they know TPR is starting they don't care.

We just went to court yesterday, mom's brother has hired a lawyer to take custody of her. It's been almost 14 months that we've had her, and he wasn't origally approved because of his and his wives criminal past. The judge granted the motion to let them have a home study done. I'm more anxious than ever. They do not even know her and her them, which some could argue she didn't know us either and they are family. I understand that. However, we are her family and the only one she really knows. They've had all this time to do this and at the 11th hour they do it, they didn't even know what she looked like enough they had to ask us if that was here when we met. I'm praying it doesn't work out with them, this little girls life will change dramatically. She does not deal with change very well.

Well I posted my experience before. The parents drug users fathe jailed for non support of other children, mom not working program...granted a 6 month extension due to using drugs missing visits and initiall was allowed visits testing positive for drugs child is due to be returned after 18 months in my care. It is in JMHO about the parents and reunification, the children do not seem to come first and the quicker they push the kids through the syastem if possible. Don't count on the family being terminated and expect the relatives to get custody, they primarily want foster parents foe emergency placement.

I've seen plenty of shenanigans doing this. Whether her fate be us adopting her or she is returned to whoever, we are done. Not doing it anymore. I do not agree with this system and it is clearly not how they lead you to believe when you are in the classes. In my experience, the drug head parents who don't comply with any of DCS's rules are treated better than us foster parents. DCS really expects foster parents to just sit around and wait for a call to go or do whatever and to jump when they say how high. Meanwhile, not caring that some of us also work full time and have had issues with having to miss so much work at the last minute. I am a dental health care provider and it is sometimes difficult to reschedule my patients in such short notice. I understood all of this when we started. Like I said, they expect you to quietly just sit back and do what you are told when you are told.

It's frustrating to see how they do not, in my experience, do what's best for the child. If you take a child out of meth lab house, put her in a home for over 14 months or longer, just to give her back, what is that doing to a child at this young age? We are mommy and daddy to her. How is her emotional state going to be when they remove her from everything she knows in my home and put her back into the same situation she came from. That is the part I have the most trouble with, what they do to these kids. It's ridiculous to me to have cases drag on and on and be given chance after chance to better yourself. What about the children, they did not ask to be put in these situations. I've often been asked about fostering and my experience and if I'd recommend it. I'm torn, because while I've had a good experience at times and have learned a lot and have helped children, I also see a side a non foster doesn't see. I would definitely tell someone to really look into it and talk to someone who does it and get the real story and be prepared for a constant rollercoaster of emotions and drama.

I hope DCS does right by this sweet girl, she deserves a good life. That is all I ask.

Jen stated it correctly. If you can bring up a child 18 months or longer and ride the emotional roller coaster then watch then reunite the child with the same parents and same conditions . I watched them give an extension because the parents continued to do drugs. The foster parnts jump through the hoops while the parents are treated like royalty and handed back the children on a silver platter. I will NOT participate in a system that does NOT put the welfare of the child first. Botton line the children belong to someone else, the state has custody the primary goal and financial reward is reunification. I only share my heart break and sad experiences so others can see what the system is really like. I'm quitting as soon as the child I have had is reunited with the druggie parents. It breaks my heart, yes he is bonded to my family and his prognosis for good future with his bio parents is poor at best. They have no car, borrow he neighbors and cannot support themselves independent of help. I am just too through. The ironic last kicker was when his attorney told me I really hate to see him go back I didn't want him to go back but yet you handed him over on a silver platter along with CPS and the other attorneys. Oh and the visits are still supervised...the system doesn't want the liability of unsupervised visits but are willing to return him. I will be contacting my state representatives about this ailed system when I am done.

Thanks Tigg. I think you and I have similiar issues. This system of looking out for the children isn't what I was led to believe. I find out now that there is an uncle that has hired a lawyer to seek custody of her. He was told he could do this 14 months ago, he was originally denied from DCS because of a criminal history with he and his wife. So fast forward 13 1/2 months, he has now hired a lawyer. He does not know this child and couldn't even pick her out of a group of kids at the park.

So now we are in a battle if you will, with him. The parents are pretty much out of the question, from what I'm being told. It is basically up to the judge and a panel to decide this sweet girls fate, stay with us or go with a set of family members. And because they are family, I'm told it will most likely go in there favor. These people have shady pasts just like the parents do.

Her parents don't have jobs, drive a car that looks beat up, don't call on nights they are supposed to, never show up anywhere on time to include visitations. Yet, they constantly get "rewarded" for bad behavior. Here's some real crap, both parents were coming to visits in seperate cars. She would be driven by someone, because she doesn't have a license, he would come alone. Because they have been late EVERY time in 14 months, there has been a statue put in place that we only are to wait 15 minutes, at 16 after we leave. Well...a few weeks ago, mom shows up at 10:06, dad is a no show from what we can tell. We parked down the street a ways to see if he'd show. At 10:16 he hadn't so we left. We come back to pick her up and he is there. I asked the supervising counselor what time he showed, he showed up 1 1/2 hours late! I think that is crap. DCS says that because one of them got there within the 15 mins, that it was ok, because at that point they couldn't deny him?!? What!

It's ridiculous that DCS has told them over and over to be on time yadda yadda. But yet they can still continue to be late, and everyone involved has to wait for them. They can fail drug tests and still have visits. It is absolutely crazy to me. But yet, I'm the one who has to basically prove how decent of a person I am and how good enough I am to be their state paid babysitter. My mom flew all the way from CA, to watch her while we went on a trip for a long weekend. Because she "didn't qualify" for respite care, and my mom had to be background checked and looked at just to get approval.

Here is another interesting tidbit of how us foster parents are treated. We planned an out of state trip, trip was booked late May. Told her case worker, she put in the request. Did what she was supposed to. Every week I'd ask, then when it got within the 2 weeks before the trip I asked her daily about it. They needed four signatures on an out of state pass. Well, don't you know I did not know until 14 HOURS before we were supposed to leave if I was going to be able to take her!! That's crap. They encourage us to take these kids and have them be a part of our family and this is what happens. I couldn't cancel any reservations and would have lost money. I was pissed to say the least that we were treated this way. The case worker was pretty upset, saying she had never had this happen before.

There are days I want to throw in the towel, but we've come so far with this child and hope to continue to give her the life she deserves. Who knows what will happen, I do know this, I will not continue to foster after this case is resolved.

Yes had I known then what I know now...I am furious the States and legislatures ALLOW and look the other way at CPS. I have been lied to, watched the parents get every courtesy and consideration, rules and laws bent for the parents...on one child I was told they actually skipped the homestudy and background check when placing the child with an aquaintance of the mother just to move the child out of the system quicker. It is a broken failing system. No system can work based on lies, dishonesty deceit. No ethics integrity or honesty and it appears system wide so they are told to use these tactics by someone higher up just to place the children, never mind the foster parents catching on getting angry and disgusted at the treatment of the child and themselves so they quit. They retain some but the ones that genuinely care about the children they lose and do not care. It should be foster care the adoption process is few and far between for healthy small children isn't common it is REUNIFICATION and believe REUNIFICATION no matter what may be in the best interest of the child. The rules and policy apply to the foster parents only apparently. I'm not allowing this to effect my health and my happiness any longer. I finish this for the sake of the child so he doesn't go through anymore trauma or possibly develop attachment disorder. I considered starting a FB page of my experiences to let others know the reality of how the system works...don't know if that would change anything in the system or not:( I've known others they cried their eyes out then quit. Miserable how they were treated and the poor children...heartbroken...well I don't know how to change the system or get the powers to be to change the system you need a large following, unification and a loud united voice. Animals have a bigger voice advocating for them then our children do.

I totally agree. The system needs to change. We only have 30 foster families in our county and DCS is begging through churches and get togethers for more. Unfortunately I think most people hear the stories about it and don't want to. I did it to give back, to help out children, I feel like I've been the only one at times that's helped the kids.

It just baffles me that what I learned in the classes to become a FP, how rules and plans are to be followed or this will happen, doesn't actually apply. It's all fluff, a blanket generalization of what will happen. Every case is different, just as every case worker is different. Some care more than others, just as foster parents do. It hurts my heart that I got into this thinking and being led to believe that this system helps kids and does what's best for them. Clearly that is not the issue. Every state, county and town has had severe problems after a child is returned. One case was a small infant was severly beaten by a boyfriend of the mother, child was in custody for four years, they returned her, and the same male beat her again, but this time killed her. This was within 4 months of her return, tell me how that, putting her right back into that situation was best for her?

I care, sometimes too much I suppose. I know in my heart and fact from her own family and parents mouths that she would go right back to the same environment she came from. Since it's been now 14 months with us, that is a very long time, for us to get attached to her and she us. I know you aren't supposed to do that, but we are all humans right? How can you not. I do not need any money from the state, I could honestly care less, I've actually forgotten to do the call in for payments a few times lol. I just wish for her to have a healthy normal and safe life. One where she won't have to worry about going from house to house or foster family to foster family.

To me, DCS or whatever agency should respect the foster parents a whole lot more. We are doing a lot for them, and at some times dealing with things and parents instead of them. I hate feeling like a state paid babysitter and that I'm to say how high when they say jump. This is definitely our last placement. Sadly I say that because I love helping, but not in this capacity. I do agree, there are more animal rights activists and people defending animals than there are for children in foster care.