Foster Care Support Group
Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in parent(s) cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adults by state authority. Responsibility for the young person is assumed by the relevant governmental authority and a placement with another family found.
Long story made short, we have been asked by DCF if we are interested in fostering a 14 year old. We have a relationship with her so we would be a kinship relation, although we are not blood related. She seems like a good kid. I'm just not sure. I'm afraid she may have been sexually exploited as a child and I don't want to add more problems onto my wee ones[6/3]. Does DCF have to be forthtelling about her past? Her parents scare me. Do I have to get involved with the parents? When i drop them off for visitation can it be at a police station or DCF office?
Can the parents be asked by DCF to pay for violin lessons [she wants to and due to finances hasn't]? Or do I pay for that?
Do all kids in the system get free lunch at school?
What about sleep overs? You know how kids today sleep overnight at other people's homesfor birthday parties or just to have a friend 'sleep over'. I don't feel comfortable having my foster child sleep away. How do I say no? Must I give an explanation if "why can't I, everyone's sleeping there. I'm not a baby, why do I have to come home, you're not my real mom anyway."
Your kids should be fine. It's a bit of a misconception that a foster kid is going to mess up your bio kids. That's not very likely.
Yes DCF has to tell you everything they know. That doesn't mean they know everything though. Just keep that in mind.
Yes, you have to be involved with her parents. If you have fears you can communicate them to the case manager, and arrangements can be made, but yes there will be interactions.
You may not even drop them off. Here, if I had a concern like that someone would come to pick them up at my house and take them to a secure visitation facility. Keep in mind it's not a nice place. The child would probably be better off if you and the parents could come to some agreement like a park, but that's not always possible.
You would pay for that, though depending on the situation, you may get reimbursed. I would pay, and then consider part of the "board rate" as paying me back. That said, there are some ways that DCF may pickup the tab. They usually won't force the bio parents to pay a bill like that.
Yes, along with free tuition after high school, special Medicaid, and a whole slew of reimbursement, discount, or just plain free benefits. That's not to say you will break even, you won't but it will help take the sting out of paying.
Depending on age you can't say no. There's a law that provides for "normal childhood experiences" sleepovers are normal. Of course, there are exceptions and it's also "normal" to say no if there grounded, or you don't trust a teen at a co-ed sleepover etc.
"You're not my real mom" .... You get used to it. Just remember to answer with "But I still care about you, and you still have to follow my rules" and not "That's right, I'm not passed out in a ditch somewhere and etc. etc." It stings but you get used to it.
I love how you said, they don't know everything. Nicely said. I like you. Thanks.
Caught her in 2 lies. ut it's going to be OK! Thanks for the support. Are you active or a past Fparent?
I'm an exploited child and can say with plenty of experience that doesn't mean I would be a problem to any foster siblings. Just because a child is assaulted doesn't mean they are broken or going to be a molester.
Most workers will tell you the issues up front if you ask. Always ask and always have a no go list like I wont take a child with psychosis or addiction problems, etc. because it sucks thinking you have a home then getting returned.
But since you know this kid you got a leg up, the ice is broken, thats half the issue and the fact that you took time to post here says you care so based on that it'll work out.
Behavior problems are to be expected. We're teens, not robots. We get moods just like adults do. Difference is we don't have as much experience on how to express feelings naturally or in a healthy way.
Parents, don't trust them. Don't trust DCF. Always opt for supervised visits, I don't think you have to have contact with them, use the worker, its her job and she's getting paid for it.
In my county theres scholarships available to foster kids for sports and activities. Ask the worker or a church.
I don't know about all states and countys but I get free school lunch and medical.