Foster Care Support Group
Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in parent(s) cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adults by state authority. Responsibility for the young person is assumed by the relevant governmental authority and a placement with another family found.
Our first kid is about to turn 18, so we need to come up with a contract. Any input is appreciated.
You have turned 18. Now what?
I. You are still in school and in the foster care system.
A. Clothes budget: This will be $60/month and will be given directly to you to use as you wish. No receipts are necessary.
B. Allowance: This will be $50/month. It is still earned by chores. Either you will need to do a third chore or one big chore (laundry, dishes, etc.).
C. Curfew: There will be no curfew on weekends. If you are still in high school, you need to be home by 10:00 on school nights. Guests have to be gone by 11:00 on work nights.
D. Overnights: If they are at our house, you still need permission. If you are staying at somebody elses house, we need to know where you went and have contact info. You do not, however, need to get our permission.
II. You are still in high school, but are not part of the foster care system.
A. Rent: You do not have to pay rent.
B. Foster Care Rules: Because we will still be doing foster care, you will need to get a background check and a tb test.
C. Allowance: You dont get an allowance or clothes budget.
D. Chores: You still have the chores you had previously, but now you have more of them. Either you will need to do a third chore or one big chore that replaces the ones you used to have (laundry, dishes, babysitting, etc.).
E. Curfew: There will be no curfew on weekends. You need to be home by 10:00 on school nights. Guests have to be gone by 11:00 on work nights.
F. Overnights: If they are at our house, you still need permission. If you are staying at somebody elses house, we need to know where you went and have contact info. You do not, however, need to get our permission.
G. Scholastics: You must be consistently attending school and you must maintain at least a 2.0 GPA.
H. Just like you have the right to find another place to stay now, we also have the right to tell you that it is not working. If this happens, we will give a months warning if at all possible.
III. You are not attending high school and you are not in foster care.
A. Rent: The first month is free. This gives you the chance to find a job if you dont already have one or find a new place to live. After the first month, it will be $500/month and will be due on the first. This will include food and all utilities.
B. Foster Care Rules: Because we will still be doing foster care, you will need to get a background check and a tb test.
C. Chores: You still have the chores you had previously, but now you have more of them. Either you will need to do a third chore or one big chore that replaces the ones you used to have (laundry, dishes, babysitting, etc.).
D. Curfew: You dont have a curfew, but guests still have to be gone by 11:00 on work nights.
E. Overnights: If they are at our house, you still need permission.
G. Just like you have the right to find another place to stay now, we also have the right to tell you that it is not working. If this happens, we will give a months warning if at all possible. At the very least, you will have until the end of whatever month you have already paid rent for.
IV. Drugs.
A. House rules and foster care rules mean that smoking of any kind is not allowed in the house.
B. Obviously, the illegal stuff is not allowed to be even stored in the house.
V. Pets.
A. Any new pets must be approved before they are brought into the house.
B. We will continue to care for any pet that we have allowed in our house, even after you move out, until you can take it with you (if you choose to do so). This includes shots and vet visits, along with food.
C. If you do decide to move your pet somewhere else, we need to know so that we dont report it as lost or stolen. This will also give us a chance to hand over all the vet records.
VI. Holidays.
A. Even after you move out, you are always welcome to join us for the holidays.
B. If you are attending school away from home, summer vacation is counted as a holiday.
You have turned 18. Now what?
I. You are still in school and in the foster care system.
A. Clothes budget: This will be $60/month and will be given directly to you to use as you wish. No receipts are necessary.
B. Allowance: This will be $50/month. It is still earned by chores. Either you will need to do a third chore or one big chore (laundry, dishes, etc.).
C. Curfew: There will be no curfew on weekends. If you are still in high school, you need to be home by 10:00 on school nights. Guests have to be gone by 11:00 on work nights.
D. Overnights: If they are at our house, you still need permission. If you are staying at somebody elses house, we need to know where you went and have contact info. You do not, however, need to get our permission.
II. You are still in high school, but are not part of the foster care system.
A. Rent: You do not have to pay rent.
B. Foster Care Rules: Because we will still be doing foster care, you will need to get a background check and a tb test.
C. Allowance: You dont get an allowance or clothes budget.
D. Chores: You still have the chores you had previously, but now you have more of them. Either you will need to do a third chore or one big chore that replaces the ones you used to have (laundry, dishes, babysitting, etc.).
E. Curfew: There will be no curfew on weekends. You need to be home by 10:00 on school nights. Guests have to be gone by 11:00 on work nights.
F. Overnights: If they are at our house, you still need permission. If you are staying at somebody elses house, we need to know where you went and have contact info. You do not, however, need to get our permission.
G. Scholastics: You must be consistently attending school and you must maintain at least a 2.0 GPA.
H. Just like you have the right to find another place to stay now, we also have the right to tell you that it is not working. If this happens, we will give a months warning if at all possible.
III. You are not attending high school and you are not in foster care.
A. Rent: The first month is free. This gives you the chance to find a job if you dont already have one or find a new place to live. After the first month, it will be $500/month and will be due on the first. This will include food and all utilities.
B. Foster Care Rules: Because we will still be doing foster care, you will need to get a background check and a tb test.
C. Chores: You still have the chores you had previously, but now you have more of them. Either you will need to do a third chore or one big chore that replaces the ones you used to have (laundry, dishes, babysitting, etc.).
D. Curfew: You dont have a curfew, but guests still have to be gone by 11:00 on work nights.
E. Overnights: If they are at our house, you still need permission.
G. Just like you have the right to find another place to stay now, we also have the right to tell you that it is not working. If this happens, we will give a months warning if at all possible. At the very least, you will have until the end of whatever month you have already paid rent for.
IV. Drugs.
A. House rules and foster care rules mean that smoking of any kind is not allowed in the house.
B. Obviously, the illegal stuff is not allowed to be even stored in the house.
V. Pets.
A. Any new pets must be approved before they are brought into the house.
B. We will continue to care for any pet that we have allowed in our house, even after you move out, until you can take it with you (if you choose to do so). This includes shots and vet visits, along with food.
C. If you do decide to move your pet somewhere else, we need to know so that we dont report it as lost or stolen. This will also give us a chance to hand over all the vet records.
VI. Holidays.
A. Even after you move out, you are always welcome to join us for the holidays.
B. If you are attending school away from home, summer vacation is counted as a holiday.
Right now, we are just telling her that we won't pressure her on anything except for getting her GED and that we will support her decision either way.
Does she work anywhere? What other positive things is she working on?
I started college 15 years ago but had it in my mind I had to take care of myself. I was living with family but a family member who moved in and also was controlling and difficult had free range of the house, so when family was gone she and I would still be there together for a few months so I moved out. I regret it now b/c I am back where I am starting where I left off but I'm doing it and that's all that matters.
I share this b/c I feel others feel this deep down- That belief of ones self inside. No matter how stable life appeared, inside I felt I had to take care of myself. I had to figure things out on my own. But those who care are really trying to help and see the person I am that I don't really see. This took time and at points I realized it but my decisions were already made and I just had to keep going.
A young lady made a great point about writing down how the other felt and then sharing it. At first she thought it was dumb but then started liking it. At least the communication was there. I really liked this idea.
Hope this helps:)
I am someone who cares little what others think but....high school will drive it out of you. I went from a large school to a small one and was accused of stuff I didn't do and felt like an outcast. I tried out for activities-school play, sports, choir etc... went to the large church in town. Did me no good.
Such judgment. College doesn't carry this. You aren't there for 7 hours a day. You are there 2 to 4 hours including breaks. Maybe that's what it is?
Dedication can come from the love of what she is doing at college. If she can get signed up and start a class maybe that's all she needs? Often I heard how college gives classes just to get your money.. Thinking this is only discouraging and not true. I (have to) believe it's designed to make me well rounded.
It was hard to see past the pre req's I needed to take but I regret not pushing through.
I find we choose instant gratification instead (whatever that gratification may be) often it's a paycheck. My husband does this too but has realized that this is not as important as is used to be.
College has so many ages and people in different walks of life. Esp community college. For my husband he has a speech impediment so this discouraged him greatly. He's overcoming it now but he's 42 years old. My point is he's doing it. He's finding happiness in himself and for him it took constant encouragement.
I could go on forever lol I'm glad my sharing helped and once she gets over her GED hurdle I'm anxious to hear what else she does:)
Learning of others in situations like mine (although I have never been in foster care) encourages me to believe in my own possible parenting skills. I also believe music heals the soul.