Hello and I would like to give a HUGE thank you to you and your husband for being licensed for ages 7-18. I think that is just awsome. I know so many foster families including my own that except only younger children. I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

Amy, part of that is because we couldn't agree on ages. I like all kids, but am more comfortable with teenagers. My husband, on the other hand, wants mostly younger kids, so we compromised.

Things we agreed on:
* No diapers!
* Kids had to be old enough that we wouldn't be forced to put covers on all our outlets (our house has tons).

While I commend you and wish you the best of luck, recognize there are very good reasons many people only accept younger children.
For ypthe most part, foster children come from dysfunctional homes, have been taught poor life management skills, and have never really had structure in their lives. Much of the children's history is unknown, so you don't really know if there are legitimate risks to your daughter. While you don't like outlet inserts, they are cheap and easy compared to alarm systems, door chimes, and public area surveillance equipment I would require before allowing older foster children in my home with three little ones under five. I'm not trying to scare you away, and many children are perfectly well behaved. However children who have been abused frequently act out on younger children. It's not their fault, but it does happen. Please search out and speak with people who have fostered older children for some candid perspective and advice. We have a close friend who has fostered 35 children and adopted ten over the past twenty years. She won't take a placement over five, based on her own experience. We fostered a little boy from three to four and a half, and my wife was (legitimately) afraid for her physical safety. Best wishes.

Dave, I appreciate your words of advise. At the same time, as a high school teacher, I feel that this is the age I am called to work with the most. We will also be very cautious with any new placement (not just teenagers) until we get to know them. Also, if there is any known history of violence at all, we will not accept the placement at this time. That may change when our daughter gets older and we get more used to fostering.

As for the outlet covers, our main issue with them is that they were parent proof, but not toddler proof. Our daughter figured out how to remove them withing 2 minutes of first being able to crawl near enough to reach them and was absolutely fascinated with them. Without the plug, though, she would completely ignore the outlet. We do realize that not all kids will do this, but it has made us rather disgruntled about the entire practice. :)

I was actually talking about the risk of sexual abuse. The state usually knows very little about a child's history, and I worry about having an unrelated older boy sleeping down the hall from a five year old.

Our house is more convoluted for any room than "just down the hall," (people routinely get lost; not giant, but odd layout) but I see what you're getting at. One of our "make it or break it" questions is if the kid has been a VICTIM of sexual abuse, for just that reason. Once again, that may change as our daughter gets older and as we get experience in the system, but we are also aware that victims are more likely to act out.

We are also going to have "the talk" with her sometime this week, before we get a placement. We were just discussing this last night, so we could get an idea of how in-depth we need to go. She needs to know what is not appropriate, and when to tell us something's going on, but at the same time she's five and we don't want to freak her out.

The big trick will be catching a five year-old when she's actually in a receptive, non-hyper enough mood for long enough to talk about anything. Anything other than cartoons, that is. For as little as we let her watch, she can talk about those for hours. :)

Hi :) Welcome to fostering! Dave's cautions are definitely valid - you may want to only consider taking in girls until you get to know the system some. Unfortunately, the case worker does not always know right away about sexual (or physical) abuse - especially if that isn't the reason the child was taken into custody. I don't want to scare you away from the older kids though - they need love and homes as well. We have a 6 year old (he was 5 when we started fostering) bio son and made the decision to only take in children younger than him to start. Now that we've been fostering for little while, we are more open to the idea of taking in older children on a case by case basis. Only you can know what is best for your family. Good luck and keep in touch - this is a great resource for questions, or just to vent!

Our first placement was a brother (3) and sister (2) and the little girl had suffered shaken baby and had some minor health issues. After about three months we demanded an assessment because the two year old was masturbating and the little boy had serious rage issues. There was physical evidence of vaginal and anal rape for both children, and the brother apparently had seen what his father was doing to his sister. CPS didn't know, and the children had even been removed from one foster home because they thought the foster mom was confusing seizures with masturbation. The boy never acted out sexually, but he did literally try to kill his sister a few times. He once told his therapist that he enjoyed hearing our cat go splat when he threw her off the second floor balcony into the living room.

Scary kid. I'm assuming he got separated from his sister after this was reported?

Update: After being told that the licensing process would be finished in February, and after having to redo the background check because the State took too long to complete the paperwork, the first half of said paperwork has been accepted. However, it has been so long since the home study, that the social worker no longer remembered all our responses and we had to update her on that before the second batch got put through to her supervisor. We knew it was going to be a lengthy process, but not that it was going to be this bad.

On the plus side, I am not feeling nearly as guilty about not having finished the curtains for the foster care room. I only have about one day's worth of sewing on them, if not less, but between track and the garden it's pretty low on my list until we actually get a placement -- or at least a license.

While I think it's great that you want to be a foster parent, I'm scared for your daughter if your only concern is finishing curtains for the foster child's room.

The concerns people have expressed on here are very real and it seems as though you are minimizing the potential consequences. Foster care should be taken very seriously. These are not always normal children like your daughter. And it will not usually be a piece of cake.

This is very real. You will NOT know what kind of child you are getting. Regardless of how long they have been in foster care - issues can come out at any time.

I would just suggest that for your first child, you put more thought into the child that you choose to foster.

I wasn't going to respond to this, but feel I must. I am sorry my update caused you to think I am a vile person and horrible parent, although you do not know me in the slightest.

Know that I will not respond to you in the future.

And I didn't mean for that last sentence to sound snide. It was just intended to let you know that I've put you on "ignore". :)

One thing my wife and I have learned is that every placement is different.One may be more difficult than another and then there is the leaving when they are reunified.Sometimes it is easy,sometimes more difficult.It is a very rewarding experiance.Don't let the bumps discourage you!

Thanks for the advice. I'm really starting to get frustrated with the waiting, though. On one hand, it feels like the licensor is taking forever (and she is), but I also know that she is very overworked and probably needs at least three assistants.