When I was here years ago and talked of my sex addiction, I got a lot of PMs trying to hook up with me. Please refrain. I have no interest in another cyber-affair.

You didn't make it clear in your first post that you were not simply trolling here on DS. Are you conflicted about your hyper-sexuality? Are you aware of its origins in yourself? Have you examined your motives for the behavior, or tried to stop? Have you tried counseling for depression? Many anti-depressant drugs have the side effect of reducing sex drive. Does your spouse know of your extra-marital activities? Do you want to remain married, and if so, why?

Surely, my second post makes it clear that I am not trolling here. I don't look at this as a 'dating' site.

I am conflicted only insofar as it is risky for both my marriage and my physical safety. The first time I met my lover from the dating site, I invited him to my home. We had chatted for a while, but still. When I thought about it afterward, I took an enormous risk doing that.

I think I may need some counseling in order to sort out the reason why I continue to be involved with the NPD OM and allow him to emotionally abuse me, but I do not want to take anti-depressants. I was on Zoloft for a number of years (I have OCD). I had the reduced sex drive, but also gained weight and felt nothing. I could not even cry at my father's funeral.

I don't know if I want to remain married. My husband does not know of my dalliances or even how hyper-sexual I am. However, I have been married for 26 years. To dismantle such a marriage would be a nightmare...

When I first joined this group three years ago, I was very conflicted and recently but irreconcilably separated from my wife of seven years. I quickly fell into an emotional relationship with another divorced group member, who for over a year helped me deal with my feelings of loss and loneliness. Although we sometimes questioned whether this relationship was "appropriate" in terms of working through our personal sex addictions, the physical distance helped us keep things light and uncomplicated. After a year, we discontinued the relationship, never having met in person, because it had become evident that we didn't really enough in common to sustain anything lasting, but I am still happy to have had the experience, because the correspondence did much to help me (us) heal.

In the course of our chats, we talked about things that I had never even admitted to myself, so eventually I was able to come to a better understanding of my feelings and behavior. I hope that you are able to find something similar.

Thank you. I hope so, too. I also joined 'Cheaters Anonymous', where I am discussing my entanglement with the narcissist with others who have been involved with the same kind of person. That discussion is helping immensely with that one piece of the train wreck that is my life.

I would guess you are here for a "connection" but one having nothing to do with sex...a connection in the sense of hoping someone will "get you", truly understand what your trying to communicate. To feel accepted, supported "as is". All addicts of all types lead secret lives, hiding parts of ourselves ...what's rare and something many never experience is to find that person you feel safe enough with and trust enough to reveal ALL of yourself and come out feeling accepted completely...I think we all seek, need, crave this as until that happens we always feel "alone" knowing in our hearts no one really knows us, not really...thus we always question our worth. Your post suggest to me you're on a path of self discovery, you seek information, hopefully a person or people will be able to help you to begin connecting the dots of your life and behavior.

You have self identified yourself as a sex/love addict and based on what you've written accurately so ...the question is "why"? What is it that brought you to this place in your life? It would seem, in effort to get your needs met ....you've determined you must grow in self awareness and come to understand why you are the way you are...you've reached a place in time where you're wanting to be more truthful with yourself...you're admitting what you've done for so long, isn't enough. Life is whizzing by and you know how you've been and continue to be will never get you to what it is your soul cries out for...which btw sometimes we don't even know what it is that's being cried out for. We just know what we've got isn't filling that need.

They are good questions..why do you continue with someone who emotionally abuses you? What's behind that? Also, why do you remain in a marriage for 26 years now that clearly isn't and hasn't met your needs (certainly sexually but in other ways as well), where you've felt compelled to lead a secret life turning to others to satisfy your sexual needs stemming from hyper-sexuality? What speaks volumes was your stating your husband isn't aware of how hyper-sexual you are...that says a lot. Another question I'd want to know and perhaps the key question....what's behind the hyper-sexuality? So much so that in addition to the sex your getting from two lovers plus your husband, you still feel compelled to masturbate 3-4 times a day...why? What purpose do all those orgasms serve? What's driving the hyper-sexuality, has it always been so? Addictions all are driven by the need to escape something you're not wanting, willing to face, feel, think about...are you ready to stop running, turn around and really look? If so, it can and will change your life, it means finally coming out of denial and facing what you've been running from all these years...it's a scary and courageous thing to do ...if you can and commit to it...it can and will lead to understanding and healing. You're right counseling could be very beneficial esp if you seek out a therapist with background, expertise and training in sexual addictions. Have you done much research or reading on sex addictions ..i.e. Patrick Carnes "Out of the Shadows"? Where is your level of awareness at this point? All I can say is and say with certainty, your life doesn't have to continue being a train wreck.

Thank you, sadave. You have given me a lot to ponder. 'Out of the Shadows' rings a bell. I was here for sex addiction a number if years ago and I may have checked out that title at that time. The hyper-sexuality waxes and wanes, though it is a part of me more often than not.

To answer your questions:

I continue with the man who emotionally abuses me because I love him. It is that simple. I tried finding a replacement (which is how I ended up with a second extramarital lover). I like my second lover very much. He is good in bed. He in no way distracts me or allows me to put the first lover out of my mind. I have also tried no contact twice, when I was so distraught that I couldn't stop crying. I could not make no contact stick. I have only had sex in the flesh with him once. We usually have cybersex. He makes dates with me frequently, then cancels them. He has bizarre reasons why he cannot see me: one is that he feels if he has sex with me again, he will need it everyday and, since I am married, that is impossible and it scares him. Another excuse is that I need to be 10 minutes away from him, not 30. He will go for days at a time ignoring me and then come back hot and heavy. He has told me he loves me but I obviously don't think he does. I have been doing a lot of reading about narcissists, since my description of him in another group led some experienced members to suggest he had this affliction. I have learned that narcissists often prefer masturbation to sex with another person, so that has helped somewhat with the feelings of inadequacy.

Why do I stay in my marriage? My husband is a good person. He would be devastated. Family members would disown me. Financially, it would be a mess...

What's behind the hyper-sexuality? I have always been very sexual and I don' t know what is behind it. It is not that I crave orgasms...it is that I feel the urge...I call it an ache...and the only way to relieve it so to get off. If I were married to someone else, it might not be an issue. If I could have an open marriage and swing, I might not need to stray...