I've been struggling with porn and sex addiction for over a decade. Less than a year ago I finally made the decision to enter recovery. I began going to therapy--which I still attend regularly--and attending SA meetings, though I have not been to a meeting in quite some time. Though I generally identify as heterosexual, over the years I've had many anonymous sexual encounters with men I've met online. Trolling for sex on craigslist is definitely what I would consider one of my "bottom line" behaviors. Another one of these behaviors would be excessive porn viewing (primarily heterosexual), sometimes accompanied by popper consumption.I've recently began dating a wonderful woman whom I am absolutely crazy about. I've been completely open and honest with her regarding my past and she accepts all of it and does not judge me. We even had an agreement that allowed me to engage in sex with men as long as I was forthcoming with her regarding my activities. Two days ago, I arranged a meeting with a man through craigslist. I arrived at his apartment and immediately discovered he smoked crystal meth. This made me uneasy but I did not leave. The two of us undressed and I began to perform oral sex on him. In my heightened state of arousal, I decided that I would like to consume some meth. After 5 or 6 hours of illicit drug consumption and vigorous oral sex, I finally left. I immediately drove to an adult bookstore and purchased a vile of poppers. I went home, turned on some porn and began masturbating. I then decided I would patronize another adult bookstore, as in my drug-fueled state, I had determined I wasn't done engaging in sex with men. I walked through the front door, received change for a $20 bill and then headed back to the arcade. I entered an unoccupied booth, sat down, fed some money into the machine, took a hit of poppers and began masturbating while viewing porn. Several minutes later a curious individual made his presence known outside of my booth and I invited him in. I then proceeded to perform oral sex on him. After he ejaculated he exited the booth and no less than two or three minutes later another individual entered. I performed oral sex on him as well. I then headed home and proceeded to view pornography and smoke cigarettes until sunrise, as I was coming down from the crystal and unable to sleep.Since these events transpired, I have been absolutely racked with guilt, shame and remorse. I am, quite frankly, devastated. Over the course of the past 48 hours I have been exceedingly hard on myself. I've hardly slept and hardly eaten. I cannot stop replaying the events of that regrettable evening through my tortured mind. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want this feeling to go away. It's as if I'm living a nightmare. I want it to stop. I feel broken. Irredeemable. I feel like a pervert; a deviant. I feel completely out of control. This is no way to live.