Perhaps you can be honest with him and break off the relationship?

I want to do just that, but the pics make me nervous. I guess it is proof of my addiction that I would send photos I never wanted to send and then worry about the consequences later! Lately, I haven't been able to contact him because of being busy in real. he only uses irc and has never given me an e-mail address (says he doesn't have one, lol).

Hi cindy, sounds like a guy u want 2 stay away from. The very least u can do at this point is channel ur anxiety into something productive, such as understanding fully that u never want 2 put urself at such a risk again. Find ur boundaries and then stick 2 them. Boundaries that are not adhered to are not boundaries at all. Best wishes with everything... keep us posted. IMA

well, cindy, it certainly would be worth telling this guy it is over if for nothing else to find out what is really going to happen. Chances are, nothing. But, atleast you could end your anxiety much sooner than doing nothing about it

Cindy, I am so sorry that you are going through this anxiety...I too have sent out photos and then later thought about the risk. I have taken sooooo many risks. You just don't know what someone might do. I have allowed men to know my home phone number. There are several men who could have called my home and RUINED my life. I have been lucky. Very lucky. I hope that we can all look at this and say NEVER AGAIN!! It is just not worth risking our families!!!
I would not 'end it' with him. Just let it die off....these things always do anyway.

Something to keep in mind ~ photos can be stolen and easily faked online these days, therefore you are afforded certain amount of deniability right off the bat if they are ever posted anywhere publicly. Then of course is the fact that how is anyone going to find the photos in the first place.

Chances are slim that anything will happen with your photos. Therefore hanging onto the relationship simply because he has some photos of you is clearly not worth the mental anguish holding onto this is causing you.

That is unless you feel you absolutely have to keep it going for other reasons ~ namely you want it more than you don't want it?

I agree with newstrength.. so stop worrying abt it..

There could be some truth to what you say. I want my life back, but I am scared to let go. I feel guilty if I don't wait on the computer. How bizarre is that? Sometimes I wait almost hoping he won't show up. It is progress, in that a few months ago, I would fall apart if he didn't show.

He doesn't have my best interests at heart. Wants me to do crazy things like play with a vacuum cleaner. I considered it, then read about the dangers and declined. He has a hard time taking no for an answer. He wants me to do crazy, public things. Wants me to go to my local sex shop and seduce the clerk, who is female. Wants me to seduce my friends and neighbors and tell him about it. The scary thing is...I do consider doing it (haven't yet). Am I insane?

You didn't share this information with us before. This guy sounds very creepy. It sounds like a mind control / sadistic domination project he has going on with you. The danger of it all may feel exciting (though anxiety can be confused with excitement as they illicit the same emotional responses in the body).

What may be part of your issue with letting go is the grieving process. Perhaps you are unaware that grieving may be necessary for you in letting go of this relationship.

Well, I guess I let him know that I enjoy mild s & m at times and the fantasies have gotten out of hand. I do think that control is a big part of it. Maybe I do need to grieve too.

How do I let go, grieve and not just find more online sex with someone else? I have a friend who just keeps doing it over and over and I am afraid of that, also.

Because this guy sounds (and I believe is ) dangerous and obviously manipulating you and hurting you emotionally, I think you should do the unthinkable. I think you should tell your husband and immediately get couseling, too.

I agree with part of what you say, but I do not think he is dangerous really. To my psyche, possibly, but not to anything else. Unless I am completely misjuding him, he is too far away and too paranoid. I agree that counselling might be a good idea, but I could never tell my husband. He would be devastated.

He is definitely manipulative, but why do you think dangerous?

Cindy why do you think he wants you to play with others? Love doesnt act that way or even want that. It usualy wants a mongamous relationship. It is dangerous what he wants to do .And could physicaly hurt you if not destroy your reputation. Run from him Cindy he getting more dangerous.

Cindy, get away from that guy NOW! Block all access that he has to you! He is very dangerous! What you need to do for the present moment is shelf ur feelings, just for now, until u can get urself 2 a stable, secure place physically and emotionally. Where that place will be, only you will know, but PLEASE, by all means, get urself into some serious counseling. This guy and u are poison to each other because he has an insatiable need for control -- which is the exact opposite of love -- and u have an insatiable need to be controlled and manipulated at the expense of ur own safety. My suggestion is to remove urself from the options u currently have to slip back into that behavior and get some serious counseling so u can turn this behavior around. It may not happen overnight, it may take many years, but the important thing is that u r working as hard as u can in progress, that is what counts. here at DS we all love u and care that u r safe and happy, so that is why we take it so seriously when u are allowing that safety and happiness to be destroyed. we're pulling 4 u! Huuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMA

Now you guys are scaring me! I CAN'T block all access, as he has my home phone number. He has never used it unless I have said it is ok, so I am not too worried about what he will do with it. I cannot change it. We have had the same phone number since 1987. It is in my husband's name and he would want to know the reason if I were to suggest changing it.

Why does everyone think he is so dangerous? I know my 'relationship' with him is not healthy, of course. When he is not around, I don't get upset like I used to, so I think I have made progress. I also need to figure out how not to turn to porn as well.