Iam so depressed today. I woke up at 2 and couldn't get back to sleep. Such dark thoughts. I just wanted to cry. I tried to start healthy anyway, cereal and a banana. But then it was a couple of cookies, then some candy corn, then mac and cheese for lunch, no idea how much but it made me sick, but did I stop there? Of course not, carmel apple and more candy corn, then half of a stale donut. I am so disgusted with me. I almost think I do this to myself on purpose to hurt myself. Some people cut, I binge. I am miserable, still depressed, fat, ugly, stupid. I did go for a one hour bike ride, but unfortunately wasn't hit by a bus.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??