Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
The latest problem in my never-ending relatinship problems: last week, he said he was getting sick, and then asked if I wanted to get together on the weekend. I said, well, if you're sick, no, because I don't want to get sick, so let me know. Okay, he said.
He never let me know. By Friday night, I assumed he was sick. Still, I wished he'd let me know. A bit rude not to let me know.
Then, Saturday night, I get an email from him. He is going on and on about what a great time he had with his friends that night. On Sunday, I get another email from him, going on and on about what a great time he had with his family. At Thanksgiving. At the Thanksgiving dinner he never mentioned to me, or invited me to.
I did not binge. I think my anger saved me.
I was so angry, I thought, "Really? I'm gonna let this jerk cause me to binge?? After I've been on track all week??"
So I didn't binge.
And I discovered a new way to not binge. Ask myself if I really want this person/event/etc to cause me to binge.
I weighed myself, after 1 week of not binging, and I lost 3 pounds. I'm not sure how, because I was eating 1500 calories a day, so should've only lost 1 pound, but I'm not complaining.
Anyway, I don't know why, but I always, always loose a lot the first week. Then, after that, I start losing 1/2 - 1 lb a week.
My bf doesn't even know what he did wrong. He sent me another email (I have not responded to any of his emails), saying he was "concerned (again)" and wondering if he did something to "tick me off".
He doesn't even know. How can you be that rude/inconsiderate/disrespecful, and not know what you did? Sigh.
I'm still not letting him make me binge. :-) That is the very good news.
In fact, today, I was trying to have a nap, cause I was exhausted, and I realized I couldn't nap because I felt....sore, like my heart was bruised and tender....and, all of a sudden, I thought, OMG, I'm feeling my feelings! I'm not stuffing them down with food!
(This makes me wonder - did I learn about stuffing my feelings down because of my childhood?? It was a pretty bad one, with abuse).
He never let me know. By Friday night, I assumed he was sick. Still, I wished he'd let me know. A bit rude not to let me know.
Then, Saturday night, I get an email from him. He is going on and on about what a great time he had with his friends that night. On Sunday, I get another email from him, going on and on about what a great time he had with his family. At Thanksgiving. At the Thanksgiving dinner he never mentioned to me, or invited me to.
I did not binge. I think my anger saved me.
I was so angry, I thought, "Really? I'm gonna let this jerk cause me to binge?? After I've been on track all week??"
So I didn't binge.
And I discovered a new way to not binge. Ask myself if I really want this person/event/etc to cause me to binge.
I weighed myself, after 1 week of not binging, and I lost 3 pounds. I'm not sure how, because I was eating 1500 calories a day, so should've only lost 1 pound, but I'm not complaining.
Anyway, I don't know why, but I always, always loose a lot the first week. Then, after that, I start losing 1/2 - 1 lb a week.
My bf doesn't even know what he did wrong. He sent me another email (I have not responded to any of his emails), saying he was "concerned (again)" and wondering if he did something to "tick me off".
He doesn't even know. How can you be that rude/inconsiderate/disrespecful, and not know what you did? Sigh.
I'm still not letting him make me binge. :-) That is the very good news.
In fact, today, I was trying to have a nap, cause I was exhausted, and I realized I couldn't nap because I felt....sore, like my heart was bruised and tender....and, all of a sudden, I thought, OMG, I'm feeling my feelings! I'm not stuffing them down with food!
(This makes me wonder - did I learn about stuffing my feelings down because of my childhood?? It was a pretty bad one, with abuse).
It means a lot to me. Especially now. It is 630 in the morning. I have been ON THE PHONE FOR 12 HOURS with my boyfriend.
I called him, finally, to talk about what he'd done this past weekend. I was tired of being angry all the time, and though I'd better express my anger to him.
Did I ever get a surprise. A bad one.
My boyfriend is bipolar. He is also a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Actually, I thought he was recovered, prettty much. He has not touched alcolhol in 10 months. He has not touched cocaine in, I don't know, maybe 2 years.
He went out, and got drunk 3 weeks ago, and did not tell me until I called him, just last night.
And I mean really drunk. I'm not sure he even remembers the whole night.
I thought I was already at my wits end with him, and then I find this out. I can't believe it. He would have been sober for 1 year this Christmas, and he threw it away. He KNEW how much that would hurt me, how betrayed I would feel. I feel like he cheated on me - but with beer, not with another girl. That is how betrayed I feel.
I told him I did not know if I could continue. I told him I was not breaking up with him, but I am taking time away from him. I told him not to contact me until I contacted him. So now I have a lot of thinking to do.
And, somehow, I did not binge. I have no idea how this happened. I guess it is because I felt all my anger and rage at him, and now I feel ready to cry, and feel all my hurt...
....I just don't understand. How could I be so unimportant to him? How could beer be more important to him than me??
He did not even tell me he was weaning himself off his meds. I didn't find out until just recently.
Yes, the break is a good plan. Sometimes, I feel like if I were really strong, I would just leave him. My mother married 3 crazy men, 2 of them were addicts. I get so scared that I am repeating my family history.
But, nobody is perfect. I don't need to be hard on myself right now, and berate myself for not leaving him. I have to remember to be gentle on myself...
...and I also have to remind myself that taking a break from him is a big step. And it's not a step I've ever taken before. Usually, he says he's sorry, I accept it, we continue, and lo and behold, a month later, it's the same crap all over again.
Being with him is a constant emotional rollercoaster, and I'm getting off for a while. Possibly forever. I honestly think I will take a month away from him. Sounds like a long time, but I need it. I need to focus on my life, and on improving it, without the constant emotional upheval he causes.
Yes, I know what you mean about the Doritos! It's almost like we can tell how our lives are going by how much we are relapsing.
I still have not binged. It is really odd. But good. Last night/early this morning, I cried my face off. I've spent so much time being furious with him, but I don't think I've felt my hurt. Sometimes, it's easier to be angry. But, after our 12-hour conversation, I suddenly started crying. I didn't sleep at all. We talked until 6;30, I called him back at 730 or something, crying...
...and that's one good thing about him. He is such a jerk in so many ways, but one good thing is that he is always there for me - if I call at 4am or whenever. So I cried on the phone. And I don't believe I ever let myself feel how much he'd hurt me over the years. ..
...I don't think I was just crying for this last time, but for all the other things he did, all the other times he got drunk, or hurt me, or the time he said our anniversary didn't matter, etc.
I guess getting all that out is why I didn't binge.
I hope things are okay with you and your bf, and that your break from each other goes well...
....and, yes, I think I'll join you in coming back in my next life as a cat! :-)