Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
Last night was the lowest point for me. In the past few weeks since giving up my part time job I've truly let myself go. I don't know whether it is the shame and embarrassment for not being able to manage it, or the guilt at not having to work while others around me do. I don't know if it is the boredom of not having to do anything or the relief of being able to do absolutely nothing if I don't feel like doing anything at all.
But I've found I've completely lost my motivation to eat healthy and get out in the fresh air and walk as often as I can like I used too. I'm not taking all the blame here though exercise wise (I'm definitely someone who doesn't like taking responsibility I've come to realise) as the weather lately has been pretty rainy and windy most days apart from the odd dry day.
But I take full responsibility for how much I've been drinking and eating. I think what's come as a bit of a shock to me is that I'm a comfort eater and I have a food addiction. I really bloody ADORE chocolate, fatty food and sweet alcohol and crave it...ALL THE TIME. I feel happy when I have it and the buzz and pleasure I get just before I have it is totally addictive, an almost physical bodily response.
But the low...my god, the crushing all consuming, suffocating bloody low that comes after is unbearable. The running to a mirror, sticking out my bloated stomach, pinching my fat and absolutely HATING myself....this has got to stop. I can't keep doing it too myself, loathing myself then trying to go on a strict diet for a few days. Then eating a little bit too much then thinking "f**k it!" and stuffing myself. ...a vicious exhausting circle. But last night I went too far and dug out of the bin half of a chocolate and cherry torte I had thrown away earlier on and ate that. DISGUSTING. ...I can't believe I did it.
So now I know that I can't go any lower so hopefully fingers crossed the only way is up. My drinking is a HUGE part of this....when I drink I get really hungry and want to eat much much more than I would normally. Just this weekend I drank:
Half a bottle of bourbon, a whole bottle of sherry and half a bottle of red wine.
UNBELIEVABLE. For my physical health, mental health and my sanity THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
I know I couldn't of picked a worst time than Christmas for trying to eat healthily and nourishing and trying to cut down on alcohol but people don't call me "dicky opposite" for nothing LOL, and yes....I am bloody awkward! But I'm going to really think about it and give it and try.....
Wish Me Luck! Xx
Replies
But more essentially in the immediate moment, you are very self-aware and honest. I've been working on this for quite awhile now, and I've yet to discover anyone who succeeds at changing course who isn't both of those things. So that bodes well for your recovery.
Sure, Christmas is a difficult time to start this. But if you look at it from another angle, Christmas is the absolute perfect time to jump in. Today's the 3rd; let's look towards the end of the month and include the New Year's celebrations, and you've got about 28 days of pure hell ahead of you. what's perfect about that, you ask? Well, in 28 days you can look in that same mirror and say you did it, you got through the absolute worst stretch imaginable as far as temptation and availability and stress and so on. You can shake your fist at the universe and cuss it out and declare your superwoman status. That's what I'd do anyway.
Sure, you could wait until January, but where's the challenge in that? In January everyone's feeling noble and spartan and talking nonstop about their rigorous diet and exercise and hideous New Year's resolutions. Starting it now shows a lot more imagination and independence and strength of character.
After all, who looks at themselves in the mirror on the first of February and congratulates themselves on getting through January without giving in to temptation? No one, I tell you, because everyone else was doing it too. There's no fun in that at all.
There are some things the rest of us have learned that will help you, if you want to get into that. But for right now, welcome, you're not alone, and you really can do this.