Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
I am having a really hard time right now because of family issues and I can't believe I'm going through this without my drug! (food, that is, of course). It is an absolute miracle that I am not eating over this. Tonight I identified one of the sources of my depression----shame!!!! I feel so much shame about my family and just the fact that I am related to them. It's so hard to talk about this, but I know there's no other way and that I have to "get it out" as they say. The food will kill me sooner or later, which is why I'm here. But I need to take back my power and not blame myself for my parents problems and issues. My mom is a total nut case and my dad is a sick man who abused me severely when I was a child. My mom had agreed that she was gong to stay out of our lives. This agreement was made at the beginning of November. Now today she tried three times to call and I am so mad. She is a dangerous, damaging person who has done a lot of harm to a lot of people. Oh God, I hope I can get through this.
SHAME, on the other hand, is guilt "just for being alive". It's feeling bad just for BEING (existing). There was a psychiatrist back in the 1980's named Bradshaw, who called the neurotic illnesses "the shame-based illnesses."
I grew up during the 1950's when it was the norm to shame children. "Shame on you!" or "You should be ashamed!" were the common phrases used to correct a child. Back then "child psychology" was hardly known by the average parent. Words like "self-esteem" were not used. Parents used shame to control their kids, and never mind the damage to their self-esteem. Corporal punishment, and all the shame (humiliation) that goes along with it, was also the norm.
I am 66 years old and still have moments of being afraid of my father. He's been DEAD since 2006. He's a pile of ashes in an urn! But I can still see his cold, threatening glare, still hear his threats, still feel the SHAME.