I am the same way. I use to love the binging during the moment but afterwards I hated myself. Now I dont even enjoy the binge. Yesterday I wanted cake and took off to the store and got cake and ice cream, then put that back and got sugar free pies (one serving size), but put that back as well and left the store with nothing. I had time to think about it and my good side won. I enjoy eating salads and healthy foods but love the bad foods more.

I too find it less and less enjoyable and am not finding it pleasant when am in the process. I seem to want to wait until my body has that stuffed feeling and I cant physically eat anymore and then I cant do anything for the rest of the day except sit on the settee with my son when I could be outside with him

I think its also a way of punishing myself as I tend to binge more when am upset and feel I need to feel bad

I find it very difficult to talk myself out of a binge and once its planned in my head there is no stopping it in its tracks

That's an interesting question- I never thought about it before. It's frightening, embarrassing, and discouraging to admit this, but for me, I do enjoy the binges- while they're happening. They feel good, or I wouldn't keep doing them. I love the tastes and textures of the food. I don't like how I feel afterwards, physically and mentally. But during the binge, yes, and I seem to be able to ignore the consequences I know are inevitable.. In a totally unhealthy way, it does seem to provide temporary relief from stress and anxiety. Unfortunately.

Thanks for your replies - its certainly food for thought!! lol!!

yeah i identify! I think it is part of the road to recovery..cos I am half half now. I anticipate it...but then half way through realize.. no I am hating this. Heck I keep buying stuff n the supermarket..then I Get home and realize..no I dont want to eat that (or drink that soda) and throw it out unopened. Such a waste of money!!! I am getting stressedabout it. Throwing away food..i guess it is good..that i throw it away..but it's such a waste!

I am realizing it is not solving the deeper problems I am trying to sort though (The food) and find myself now rejecting the food...

I did try to make a new rule for myself too which is really helping - eat something healthy and nutritious...even if i binge. So then i end up eating MORE. But I am realizing sometimes the desire to binge is a real cry from my body for nutrients. Yesterday I had a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and it was heaven!

Junk food doesn't meet that nutrient crave...

I can't stand the way I feel after...sometimes for days...so no matter how good it felt during the binge, eventually I was able to get to a point where I remembered what HELL I would be in if I actually binged. I feel so much better binge-free that now I go to great lengths to stay that way. all I have is today and today I choose not to binge.

I haven't binged in 5 months, so, in a weird way, it's hard to remember what it was like. But, then I ask myself: why is it so hard to remember?? I'm 33, I binged on and off since I was 12, and I can't remember what it's like?!?!?!?!?!??!!

I tended to binge mostly on sugary foods....which, in my experience, create a kind of foggy mind-state. I bet that's why I don't recall my binges totally clearly.

What I do remember is that I think I liked the anticipation more then the actual binge, in a way. I'd be at the store, buying cookies, thinking of how I could watch a movie, eat, and escape. But when I was actually watching the movie and eating, I don't know if I enjoyed it that much, in a way....

...I mean, I enjoyed the food, very much, but it seems to me that I often ate so fast, I didn't really get to enjoy it that much.

its wierd - because when I see colourfull healthy foods it makes me feel good - and I feel good when I am in control of my diet!!!

when I binge on rubbish i think its going to be great - but I dont really enjoy it - I feel rubbish after and It takes me a few days to get back on track. I guess its a form of self abuse!!

I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it. In my head I'm thinking I need to binge to reduce my anxiety and feel calm. The anxiety will never go away if I don't. So I binge, and close to the end I start to feel the guilt and shame. And I swear to never do it again. And the cycle begins with a new day where I do do it again. It's insane.

I find that I enjoy the anticipation, and the first bite or two. Then every bite after that becomes a chase to find that initial enjoyment again, until it's all gone and I feel disgusting. So I don't really enjoy most of the binge, I think. I just really, really want to.