you need to get to the ER right away and tell them your outset of suicidal thinking....you need help....hugs bill do not end things over this....it will leave a hole you cannot imagine in your family.....

they could care less.

I agree w/ bill friend that going to the ER is a good option if your feeling really overwhelmed :)

Since you mentioned that you are on disability are there any social services in your are that can help you like w/ foodstamps or housing options? I know many areas have income based rent housing options. What about your local United Way or 211, or St. Vincent DePaul or your state's HEAP Program? Depending on your area, they can help w/ rent, phone food and utility assistance You can also try the local churches in your area if they have offer support or community services Also, are there any respite services in your area that can help you with your husband? :)

Lastly, I know that I don't know you personally, but I've been in somewhat the same position you have been in/are in and I know exactly how you feel, having the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time I know its hard, but don't feel ashamed of your current living situation In my area a lot of older and younger adults are having to move back home for one reason or another, many of my own friends and family included. This is a very tough economy, you're definitely not alone :)

If you can, my last advice is to try to find something positive to do in your area that can help you re-charge like a walk in the park, a trip to the library, feeding the ducks or taking a nature walk/ bike ride, going to the ice cream store, the coffee shop--to sit & read or discount movies alone I find that if we take and make time for ourselves to unwind, relax and re-charge the world doesn't have as much weight to it as it did before.

My heart and prayers definitely go out to you! :) I hope things look up for you soon and you feel better tomorrow Take care )

Biggest hugs..my doctor is just a God LOL..I sat in front of him in tears reeling off a list..he told me to shut up ..Im going to loose my coping skills..true hes a man of sense..Ok so I have a conditon that lets say wouldnt wish on anyone but decided Im going to work..against odds because of the fit people the economy..I did it...my friend dying leaving her two beautiful daughters..Im lucky even though sometimes I do think it should of been me then I dont have to fight...but no Im here I can do something..Just to have another day to breathe yes its tough really tough when Im so tired..when Im throwing up but will I be beaten NO..Ive been slammed so many times but when overwhelmed ..I say tomorrow is another day...Also I like to say Im going to be the last one standing ...you can do it stmpy dont waste anymore time..look at positives ...Biggest hugs and all the best to you

If you were serious you'd be posting on a suicide board. Or googling it. If you want some help, ask for it. It will be provided by any number of people with pleasure. Be very careful of "crying wolf".

First of all what is a suicide board? Second of all, does anybody even know what LOS ANGELES is like for ER rooms? This state is a welfare state and the ER rooms are packed with the needy. I went into a complete rage last night at my husband. I know he feels like sh*t and helpless and less than a man because he is in this situation. I just went into a rage feuled angry hateful/helpless cry, pounding my fists! Screaming. I go from the deepest place of depression/helplessness, then I force myself that I gotta do something and then I go into a complete rage. I feel guilty because I am supposed to be the kind/supportive wife/mother/woman, etc. I am now officially on the warpath. I am going to do whatever it takes to find a job. I know I will lose my medi/medi that I receive my once a month ivig infusions to replace my immunoglobulins so I don't get sick. But oh well, Let God's will be done. See, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am not suicidal right now, because I got angry and cried and screamed and acted like a complete bit@h. How can I be everything? Nice, pleasant, kind, helpful, supportive, compassinate, and deal with being on the edge of diasaster all the time? I am over being suicidal, but believe me the ER is the LAST place I would go. I feel like I run on two kinds of feelings, either being DEPRESSED or ANGRY. I just want to be happy. I am going to TRY to get through this day. Thank you everyone.

I couldn't say something like "I'm sorry" in this situation because I am in a similar situation myself & that phrase doesn't really seem to do much of anything. I don't know who you are but I wish you nothing but happiness. You should never bring yourself to the point where you want to end your life. I suffer from constant anxiety & depression, rage, & sometimes suicidal thoughts as well, but the best thing to do, for me anyway, is to think about the positive. Push away all of the negative for about 30 minutes out of your day & make a list of all of the things that you are thankful for. Close your eyes & relax the best that you can because there are a lot of things that seem to be out of your reach right now.

I'm not doctor or specialist.. or whatever, but I do experience things like this & this is what works best for me. I believe that everything will be okay for you in the end, some of us just have to struggle moreso than others. Keep your chin up. (:

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I really think I am probably mentally ill, because I can't cope, feeling like I am on the edge all of the time. But now, today I am better. The screaming and the raging helped release everything. Anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, MEDS, really do nothing. Pills ARE NOT GOING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM. It is just a genetic disorder.