I have actually considered taking out a personal loan to pay him back, but he would kill me if he found out I did that. After all, that is the reason he loaned me the money in the first place (so I wouldn't have to deal with the bank.)

I have several children that I too have lent money to with no of really ever collecting it back because I just want to see my children succeed in this life...But maybe what your dad is looking for is a young adult that is wanting to to be a woman or man of his word. He sounds like me, really wont accept the money from you, just wants to make sure you spent it on the right things and make an offer back to prove you are a woman of your word..Go to him and say I want to give you 200 dollars, id guarentee he won't accept it from you but just wants you to know that in hard times you can rely on him and that since an offer was made it proves that you are a woman of your word. showing him the respect..
Dont feel terrrible about it, it is just we as parents go about it that way to make sure that we are raising responsible , respectable young adults. yet at the same time reasuring you to know who you can really only rely on in life when there is a hardship that comes along...Be thankful you have parents like that , not many out there today like that...Give him a big hugg and let him know, remind him that you would not be where you are if he had not of helped again thank him..Thats all he wants to hear from you...

Many, many years ago when I was a young, ignorant, married teenager my grandfather helped me out, and at the time we could not pay him back and survive. I was so ashamed of myself that I kind of avoided him. He passed away and I wished I could have been mature enough to thank him more often and be around him more often as well.

I agree with 2newadvntrs, let him know you appreciate it and him, do NOT be ashamed to look him in the eyes like I was.

Maybe you could let him know that you know you are lucky to have a dad who helped you, many of us never did.

man I hear this thread...My mom has been supporting me along thru tough times and I owe her not only for the car she bought with cash for me $9000+ but about $35K more...and she does not want it back yet...it has been better with me not asking for more help for long time now and she has become more aware that her financial situation has gone down alot for other things also....I wish I could win a $100K lotto to be able to give her back her $45K and also pay off most of my student loans....

I intend to repay but am unable to support myself fully still and digging into deeper trouble right now is giving me fits of anxiety about this situation....I love my mom and know for sure my dad would have never done this for me...he was an SOB about money...

I had a situation where I was in debt to my mom to $22K before when I was married...I won a settlement for lawsuit I was going to file for injuries sustained by companies negligence....I got $58K in settlement and lawyer took 1/3 of it I had my wife then now ex wife write my mom a check for $22K and she took it and I was glad to be out from under that debt like you would not believe but suddenly ended up going back to the well over and over and over $500 here $300 there...exctera
man I feel like the whale shit on bottom of ocean right now too thinking about it again....uggg :(

My only thoughts are to somehow turn our feelings of shame, which is a negatiave emotion into feelings of gratitude of how fortunate some of us have been.

I left home at 17, and NEVER had a dimes help from my parents. So what Grandad did for me meant alot.

Let go of shame and focus on gratitude.

Well there is a time to let go of shame and a time to actually have shame..Bill, again I am your friend here, and I do not want to judge you but I am going to say something that only you can answer...Its not my place to make you feel bad, only you can do that...But if your heart is convicting you that you should stop using your mother for money, especially if you go out and buy this and that but then still manage to borrow money from your mother especially when you are squanderring it away then you need to make a change in your life and not crap on the people that love you the most to give it to you...I dont know when you will grow up and apparently she doesnt either at this point she is enabling you but again shes a parent that wants her son to get ahead in life...and still wants the best..But there is a fine line between giving to someone to get ahead and hoping the best to giving and giving to where they become so reliable on the giver that it becomes their greatest downfall...
Every parent has to decide when enough is enough, when it no longer helps but hurts..I have helped several of my children that have shown to be responsible bought them cars, co-signed and have seen them advance..But too I have to admit I also have one son that I will have to very soon put out because I have become his greatest downfall by giving and giving , while he has bought games , and tv and just has had fun ,fun with his check while I always meet his ends in hopes that he too stops whining and makes a better life for himself through hard work.
So genuinely ask yourself am I just asking and asking when I should be pinching a penny myself, and have I squandered my own money away and used another $$ to gain? Or I am really struggleing here havent squandered my money away and also applied it to your need...I think that is where the heart becomes convicting as to whether you have used someone or genuinely needed help...
In my Opinion the lady above needed the help as did a few other ppl on this tread...But Bill I have to say my dear friend and I dont want to hurt your feeelings but do treat your mother with much more respect..If you buy anything extra that you dont need you really ought not ask your mother for a dime that month...Seek help and maybe she should too for being an enabler, she will be your biggest downfall in this life if she continues to give, and give..You will not learn how to survive and bust but to work hard and be responsible to spend appropriatly.
With a gentle huggs...I am sorry to say these things but we need to hear the truth at times, to better ourselves..

this is abuse...see post 6

there hasn't been squandering of money...there has been a struggle to survive in my own apt. Paying rent and such...my mom wanted me to get a newer car than I wanted when I had an accident awhile ago...I was going to close my driving school and get a whoopdee car for $1500 or two grand if I was able...but she insisted I keep the income from the driving school...so she paid cash and got me a nice car to have lessons in...it took a bit to get the brake installed but I believe I did the right thing since I grossed over $12K in the driving school last year....that is gravy...before expenses but gravy because all those expenses would be there anyway for insurance...which is not much more than Geico and gives me million coverage for commercial driving school and million business umbrella too...so no skin off my nose there but if I had a whoopdee I would not have gotten more than liability and it might have cost less...but if you own a newer car and need to keep collision on it then I am at even for costs...

anyway I am not happy with you at all 2new and maybe you noticed I removed as friend this is your pattern here in my opinion and I want support not to be drug thru coals and burned by your words

As a mom I think grandpa loves you and instead of feeling guilty thank him forget about it. Have you started and finished college or are you yet to go? Scholarships are soooooo wonderful but there is still books, since your married I guess no dorm Lol.

Does he like a certain candy? We do love to see our kids and grandkids so a visit now and then would be so sweet of you.

We have helped or are helping our children but coming to the place because our salary was cut 75% 4 years ago we are going to have to make changes.

Our son worked very hard got scholarships but he was in a private school. So even with scholarships he has debt of 22k He started this private school before hubby lost his job. We want to help him. Like so many on the career change board he can't find a job.

IF there was a specialty that showed promise of a career I would encourage going back to school. I see nothing.
I have a very strong faith and trust God will not desert us..
But it is a problem.

Hi Suninsky.

If you were referring to me, grandad passed away when I was very young. I am now 54 and no college was not an option for me, I am proud to say that I supported myself honestly, and without help from my parents at all. The man I married when I was 17 was a hard worker, and his parents did occasionly help us fix our car, or something like that. They were nice, people and I loved my MIL very much, she was a lady even during a long, slow, painful death.

I learned many financial lessons the hard way, and even now I am trying to repair my credit rating AGAIN.

I know grandpa loved me, his actions showed it, I just wish could have been more mature back then, and made sure he knew I loved him. BTW he was my step grandpa, but he never showed any favortism. I love and respect him greatly.

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