Financial Challenges Support Group
This community is for people who are struggling to meet financial obligations of any kind. Financial challenges include everything from the day-to-day challenges of making ends meet to managing credit card debt to bankruptcy. Get support from others who are going through similar obstacles on the road back to financial stability.
nothing like biking in falling snow, along the highway, to feel broke and lonely; yesterday, i bought a dollar can of chile for myself, and 3 for dollar cans at catfood at one store, then 39 cents yogurt at another place.
while biking, i thought of my worthless dad wasting money in bars on a saturday, usually from noon to 3 in the morning, all saturday----then to church next morning.
my crazy, stupid, drunken, cold hearted parents probably wasted about a hundred thousand dollars in a ten year period when i was in my teens to age 21, with no offer of money to me for any college.
i am glad i have a govt apt to live in, and meds for my cat; gonna walk to vet in an hour to see if my elderly cat's special meds available.
but, day before thanksgiving, cant forget how dumb me grew up poor, too stupid to realize my selfish lowlife parents were wasting tons of money, on themselves, and lowlifes who shouldnt have been given the time of day.
while biking, i thought of my worthless dad wasting money in bars on a saturday, usually from noon to 3 in the morning, all saturday----then to church next morning.
my crazy, stupid, drunken, cold hearted parents probably wasted about a hundred thousand dollars in a ten year period when i was in my teens to age 21, with no offer of money to me for any college.
i am glad i have a govt apt to live in, and meds for my cat; gonna walk to vet in an hour to see if my elderly cat's special meds available.
but, day before thanksgiving, cant forget how dumb me grew up poor, too stupid to realize my selfish lowlife parents were wasting tons of money, on themselves, and lowlifes who shouldnt have been given the time of day.
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A tree outside where I live is dying, seemingly from dog urine----with the bully in my building going out his way to not only have his dog urinate there but to have the dog urinate on the fence and sign I bought to try save the tree----and then slide the sign under my apt door.Turns out that was a TRIGGER for me----bullying and humialtion right out of high school. I didn't realize it at the...
I worked and brought my first car, paid for my own car insurance, license plates, gasoline and car repairs. My parents paid for none of that. It was a great little car.
When the baby was born and crying and my husband hit the infant, I left. I found out just before that about him poking holes in the condoms to get me pregnant on the honeymoonand it broke my heart that he would do that to me when we had discussed having a child about 4 to 5 years from then.
Now I had to raise to child alone. I returned home to my parents, the military got the divorce for me, and my parents insisted I pay board, I cook all meals, I do all the housework and all the laundry and all the grocery shopping. I got a low interest college loan through the financial aid section of college and went to college and I also got a job and got my son in the free daycare at collage.
MY PARENTS DIDN'T HELP ME AT ALL. My older brother also in college, did nothing at home and didn't have to pay board or raise a finger to help around the home..
I got top grades at college and graduated wth honors and received a special certificate at graduation; my brother just graduated without any top grades, no honors, nothing. I WORKED MY WAY THROUGH COLLEGE AND PAID FOR IT ALL AND PAID BACK THE LOAN. AND I DID IT ALL HAVING TO RAISE A YOUNG CHILD TOO.
The plan was never to have that young child at that time in my life, but my then husband was an ass and forced that. He paid very little in child support and sometime he didn't pay. I had to pick up my ass and do for myself and that child back then otherwise we would not survive.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, a long time ago, I realized that we have to expect as young adults to pay our own way in life in order to get a start and get going and when you do, you won't be disappointed in relatives. My Dad had a good paying job, but that money didn't flow down to us. It went to him getting new cars all the time and all the multiple women he cheated with.
I didn't need my parents to pay to get me that college education and jobs. It was the parents' money to do with as they felt like and they didn't owe it to us to pay for our college educations. It was my responsibility to set my goals and find ways to achieve them. If you keep looking back at your parents and blame them, you're not looking at you and that you were an adult and didn't need your parents to pay your way.
when i was growing up, teachers could slap you across the face if you said anything sassy---it was only in last few weeks i realized that affected me. Teachers slapping me, bullying students, and my drunken parents only reaction to my being beaten up was to be ashamed of me.
my parents were also ashamed of my slightly crooked back, with me hiding away cause of that. "anatomy is destiny." sigmund freud quote.
I do agree with you, to an extent, of the need to wise up and stop complaining. And, it's great that you were able to escape and make a better life for youself.
I am thankful, considering how my parents were akin to parents i come across in crime articles, that i didnt wind up on death row, or sleeping in a cardboard box on the street, or dead in the loonie bin, like an uncle who was in a loonie bin for the last 40? years of his life.
You only need look at Stephen Hawking to realize that anatomy is not destiny. The composer Beethoven was deaf. President Roosevelt had polio. Albert Einstein was dyslexic and very possibly ADD or ADHA. Walt Disney was also dyslexic.
The late Edward V. Roberts was the founder of the Independent Living Movement. There are now Independent Living Centers in all of the USA states. The late Edward V. Roberts was a quadriplegic and was ventilator dependant. I personally received help from the Independent Living Center near me.
Christopher Reeve, paralyzed with a spinal cord injury, accomplished so much after being paralysed and helped so many by testifying before the Senate, working hard to increase public and private funding for Parkinsons, Alzheimers, MS, ALS, stroke, etc. and it goes on and on.
I should have been bedridden, but I refused to just give up with all the back injuries and kept pushing throught the pain. I have to use an electric scooter but I'm part of life and my anatomy did not fulfill it's destiny.
there are certainly articles of how good looking people can get ahead in some jobs, more so than somebody fat and avg looking.
again, its great that you didnt let something so terrible hold you down. I have to admit that i have a mindset of sometimes laying down ready to die, from lesser events. i seem to only have strength when it comes to my cat.
As a child, I listened to my parents make love. Which in reality was rape. And when mom couldn't please dad, then I became the next best thing. I watched my parents fight. Black eyes and blood flying everywhere. I watched and cheered when my dad tried hanging himself. And I cheered even louder when after a week of brutal beatings my mom left the house and was found three days later... frozen to the ground.
I say this because I do have experiences with bad parents. Rotten parents. And for many years it was the perfect excuse for my failures. I became an alcoholic because of my parents. I lost jobs and was constantly broke because of my parents.
The fact was that my parents never forced me to drink. They never held me down and made me drink alcohol. They never taught me how to be a bad employee and coworker. I did that freely and on my own. I was the perfect victim. It was my way of life for the first 35 years of my existence.
When I quit drinking I began to look at my parents differently. I accepted them as flawed people. They didn't intentionally set out to hurt me or make my life miserable. They were alcoholics. And there is no doubt in my mind that they were abused as children too.
When I accepted my parents for they were... I became free... they no longer had any power over me and I no longer needed to be a victim.
I still have setbacks in my life. But thats not my parents fault. It was choices that I freely made for the setbacks I had. I let my parents go years ago and pray for their peace. Something they never had in this realm of existence. Which has given me peace...
i do want to forget my parents ever existed, and i do realize that its dead people holding me back.
but i cant totally accept impersonal, rational, choices for young people; kinda akin to pit bulls who are raised well being very safe, vs all the poor pit bulls who are trained to be monsters.
You don't have to like what happened as a child but if you want to grow you do have to accept it...
The simple fact is parents don't make us poor or unlovable or lonely... it is all our own choices.
i do think a lot of my schizoaffective personality came from my environment, than from a schizoid uncle who died in norristown mental hospital.
I wrote on another board that Respect for yourself is everything.
I had it "all" except for Respect for myself (due to issues from my childhood) the first time I went to school.
I had a million responsibilities, had to work and had kids the second....
And it was 1000% better and easier the second time around.