Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
hello dear friends, i posted last week about my dilemma trying to keep going here, as a freelance English teacher working in Germany but missing my family in NZ terribly (17 yr old daughter still at school) struggling with Degenerative Disc Disease and Fibro flares, Some of you sent such lovely and caring messages which helped me put it into perspective, reassuring me if I do have to go back home, at least I will not have failed.
Well, I just had a long meeting with my boss at the Community College where I teach part time. and found out that freelancer teachers like me are additionally liable to pay into a Pension Fund here, 20 % of before tax earnings (on top of the 25% health insurance I am already struggling to pay) and they can send you a massive bill for back pay. That would be 45% of my earnings committed already "before "paying basic income tax (high in this country), and I am not making it through each month as is. No one had explained this to me before, and as I struggle with basic German, I can not understand the complex legal and tax documents, even the locals struggle with the notorious paperwork and outrageous layers of bureaucracy here. What a shock - I cant see how I can suddenly make enough money to afford all these extra charges, as I have to manage my hours due to the Fibro.
My friend just got back to me about the rent rises, apparently she set the original rent last December under the assumption I would be on call for occasional baby sitting at short notice, however since my work hours have increased and Im not here during the day, she feels she is justified in raising the rent now to market rates". I still havent worked out how I will respond to that.
As if things couldnt get any worse, Ive just had a huge shock and I am in tears trying to process it all. You might remember I mentioned that one thing which has been going well here is meeting a lovely man and being in a good relationship for the past four months. Well, my lovely Siegfried has suddenly disappeared and I am going out of my mind wondering what has happened. We have just had the most wonderful and romantic four months getting to know each other and things were going from strength to strength, He has been the one pushing the relationship forward and talking about love and commitment, while I have been fairly cautious and taking things slowly, due to having a very traumatic experience back in 2010.
He knows I have big trust issues and he has been very careful to follow through on everything he has promised and always let me know if he is going to be late or ever needs to reschedule. Since we met, he has called me every evening like clockwork and we have spent our weekends together, he usually stays here and we cook, hang out and generally enjoy being together. Its been a huge thing for me being in a relationship again and Ive been praying it will work out this time after past heartbreaks. We had great chemistry, great sex and both agreed we made each other very happy.
We have talked about trust so many times and he has said he really wants to prove to me that he is genuine and is in it for the long haul. Last week we took the relationship to a deeper level as I finally said that I really loved him and could see a future for us. He started talking about retirement plans (he is 60) and us growing old together as he felt I was the one for him and he wanted to settle down with me. I dared to allow myself to enjoy these positive plans and started feeling like maybe I "could" settle in Germany long term, or else we would move back to NZ together.
Well, Siegfried was very quiet last week, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. He said it was just work pressures and stress, that he didn't want me to see him so depressed, he assured me it wasnt about us. Ive told him that I am always here to listen and support, and he did open up a bit. However, on Friday evening he seemed in a strange kind of mood, he was holding me tight, kissing me passionately and saying he loved me so much as if he was about to go on a long journey or something. He kept telling me what a wonderful woman I was, and how he has so much respect for me, coming to live here by myself and being so strong. it was kind of eerie. We started talking about planning the trip back to NZ together to meet my family, but then he suddenly mentioned something about not being so sure about the future any more, which kind of alarmed me.
We cuddled and caressed all evening, but when it came to bedtime, he got up and said he was driving home. I felt surprised and upset, and I had a feeling that he was hiding something. I knew in my gut something was not the same, and even if he kissed me and held me tight before leaving, something had changed. He said he had a busy Saturday but would come back on Sunday as we usually go for a walk together, and we could talk more. I said no pressure, but I would love us to spend Sunday together and let him go. I felt sad and anxious because I knew something was wrong after he left, and then he sent a text message at 1am saying he was feeling terrible. Nothing else.
I decided to give him space and not create any dramas, I told him that he could be open with me and share his worries, and I would see him on Sunday. I felt nervous but very excited yesterday, I waited and waited but no Siegfried. I sent messages asking if he was Ok and asking where he was, but its been one and a half days and nothing. I feel a mixture of rage, abandonment, despair, shock..so many things.. and I cant stop crying. He knows how i will be feeling right now, and still chooses to do this to me, this is not love. On top of getting this other news (above) I feel like God or the Universe is telling me to just give up the fight and go home. If Siegfried does finally call me now, I dont know what to say, and I fear the worst. I just cant face up to losing the one person I had become close to in this country, and had gradually allowed myself to trust and fall in love with.
None of this makes sense and i have spent the weekend curled in a ball on the couch just weeping. I dont know how I can get up early and go to work tomorrow to do a 10 hour teaching day, I can't cope with any more bad news, and seriously thinking that I should just go and buy that one way ticket back home.
Thanks for reading my lovely friends, I just hope your weekends were better than mine. Thanks for letting me share.
Well, I just had a long meeting with my boss at the Community College where I teach part time. and found out that freelancer teachers like me are additionally liable to pay into a Pension Fund here, 20 % of before tax earnings (on top of the 25% health insurance I am already struggling to pay) and they can send you a massive bill for back pay. That would be 45% of my earnings committed already "before "paying basic income tax (high in this country), and I am not making it through each month as is. No one had explained this to me before, and as I struggle with basic German, I can not understand the complex legal and tax documents, even the locals struggle with the notorious paperwork and outrageous layers of bureaucracy here. What a shock - I cant see how I can suddenly make enough money to afford all these extra charges, as I have to manage my hours due to the Fibro.
My friend just got back to me about the rent rises, apparently she set the original rent last December under the assumption I would be on call for occasional baby sitting at short notice, however since my work hours have increased and Im not here during the day, she feels she is justified in raising the rent now to market rates". I still havent worked out how I will respond to that.
As if things couldnt get any worse, Ive just had a huge shock and I am in tears trying to process it all. You might remember I mentioned that one thing which has been going well here is meeting a lovely man and being in a good relationship for the past four months. Well, my lovely Siegfried has suddenly disappeared and I am going out of my mind wondering what has happened. We have just had the most wonderful and romantic four months getting to know each other and things were going from strength to strength, He has been the one pushing the relationship forward and talking about love and commitment, while I have been fairly cautious and taking things slowly, due to having a very traumatic experience back in 2010.
He knows I have big trust issues and he has been very careful to follow through on everything he has promised and always let me know if he is going to be late or ever needs to reschedule. Since we met, he has called me every evening like clockwork and we have spent our weekends together, he usually stays here and we cook, hang out and generally enjoy being together. Its been a huge thing for me being in a relationship again and Ive been praying it will work out this time after past heartbreaks. We had great chemistry, great sex and both agreed we made each other very happy.
We have talked about trust so many times and he has said he really wants to prove to me that he is genuine and is in it for the long haul. Last week we took the relationship to a deeper level as I finally said that I really loved him and could see a future for us. He started talking about retirement plans (he is 60) and us growing old together as he felt I was the one for him and he wanted to settle down with me. I dared to allow myself to enjoy these positive plans and started feeling like maybe I "could" settle in Germany long term, or else we would move back to NZ together.
Well, Siegfried was very quiet last week, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. He said it was just work pressures and stress, that he didn't want me to see him so depressed, he assured me it wasnt about us. Ive told him that I am always here to listen and support, and he did open up a bit. However, on Friday evening he seemed in a strange kind of mood, he was holding me tight, kissing me passionately and saying he loved me so much as if he was about to go on a long journey or something. He kept telling me what a wonderful woman I was, and how he has so much respect for me, coming to live here by myself and being so strong. it was kind of eerie. We started talking about planning the trip back to NZ together to meet my family, but then he suddenly mentioned something about not being so sure about the future any more, which kind of alarmed me.
We cuddled and caressed all evening, but when it came to bedtime, he got up and said he was driving home. I felt surprised and upset, and I had a feeling that he was hiding something. I knew in my gut something was not the same, and even if he kissed me and held me tight before leaving, something had changed. He said he had a busy Saturday but would come back on Sunday as we usually go for a walk together, and we could talk more. I said no pressure, but I would love us to spend Sunday together and let him go. I felt sad and anxious because I knew something was wrong after he left, and then he sent a text message at 1am saying he was feeling terrible. Nothing else.
I decided to give him space and not create any dramas, I told him that he could be open with me and share his worries, and I would see him on Sunday. I felt nervous but very excited yesterday, I waited and waited but no Siegfried. I sent messages asking if he was Ok and asking where he was, but its been one and a half days and nothing. I feel a mixture of rage, abandonment, despair, shock..so many things.. and I cant stop crying. He knows how i will be feeling right now, and still chooses to do this to me, this is not love. On top of getting this other news (above) I feel like God or the Universe is telling me to just give up the fight and go home. If Siegfried does finally call me now, I dont know what to say, and I fear the worst. I just cant face up to losing the one person I had become close to in this country, and had gradually allowed myself to trust and fall in love with.
None of this makes sense and i have spent the weekend curled in a ball on the couch just weeping. I dont know how I can get up early and go to work tomorrow to do a 10 hour teaching day, I can't cope with any more bad news, and seriously thinking that I should just go and buy that one way ticket back home.
Thanks for reading my lovely friends, I just hope your weekends were better than mine. Thanks for letting me share.
More hugs
You were able to meet a good guy and fall for him---that's huge, even if it isn't turning out the way you'd like.
You had the guts to try. Not many can say that.
You've learned a lot about life abroad and how independent you can be. That's fantastic stuff to carry forward.
If you stay or go back to NZ or whatever, just know we're here for you, rooting you on, and wishing you best best best.
Maybe he's backed out of the relationship and has had second thoughts
I know it is worrying and you are hurt so much but maybe he was saying "goodbye" to you on that last visit.
Is it possible he is married?
Sorry that I sound cynical but I think of these things.
I hope you can sought out what you can in regards to the job. Maybe it is time to go back to Nz back to your family. Hopefully job opportunity will come up for you there again.
Hang in there.