Fibromyalgia Support Group

You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.

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ashleyjanette 03/28/2014

In case you haven't seen my other posts, my husband was recently diagnosed with fibro.

some days I'm strong. I'm his support, I'm the one cheering him on, and im the one taking care of our family (him, the kids, myself, the dog). On my strong days, I even feel happy and at peace, knowing I am right where I need to be, doing the most important things i could possibly do (taking care of a family). I feel optimistic that things will get better as the meds have time to work and he finds the right combination of treatments. On my strong days, I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't even think about that at all. I just get up, and do what everyone needs, and hopefully even find some time for myself to excersize, ane I find joy and fulfillment in my life.

Other days...my heart breaks all over again. It breaks my heart to watch him suffer and to be helpless to do anything about it. It breaks my heart when he can't stand to be around our kids when he has a migrIne and the kids are too loud. I grieve when I think about everything we've lost. It hurts to know our children will never know their dad as he was when he was healthy. It is devestating to me when I can't go to my husband to comfort me (about this or unrelated challenges) because i dont want to make him feel worse and sometimes i know he just doesnt have the energy. I have other friends and family, but we used to be each other's number one support on absolutely everything. And I miss that.

I know a lot of you have it way worse than me because you are the one who has fibro, and you have to deal with all these emotions on top of your symptoms...but I thought you'd be the people who could understand me the most. T hanks for listening.

LeoX3 03/28/2014

I have but one response.
Rejoice in your health.
No wait... two....

And go to your husband. Or you're just potentially cutting him out and making him feel useless. We get enough of that. Even if he doesn't have energy---you can at least tell him, "I know you're too tired to deal with (XYZ) right now, that's okay, but can I have a hug?" Or similar. Otherwise, it is too easy for the "not-as-healthy" partner to end up feeling they've got no role left in the family. Seen it in my fam. Not pretty.

I may want to scream at my hubby, "DO I look like I can deal with your sh*t?" but if he stopped coming to me? I'd be heartbroken. After all, he's one of my best friends, if not THE best friend. Gotta keep that communication going.

Just my thoughts from this side of the Fibro mirror.

noreenb 03/28/2014

It sounds like you have a lot going on and a lot on your plate. We can only understand, or maybe I should say I can understand only from what I know my husband has to deal with. I really don't know what it's like to be on the other side of this but do have a hint of it because I help my hubby take care of his aunt. I've actually thought of joining the caretakers group that is on this site because it can be stressful dealing with another's illness. You may find additional support there but are for sure welcome here as there is much helpful information. Wishing you well with this. Hugs

mynameisD 03/28/2014

I agree with leo, don't assume that he can not deal or does not want to deal. He may need to be a part of the family, good and bad sides, more than you know. Please do not fall into the trap of thinking that you are protecting him, and actually cutting him out of your lives.

Now go get a hug from that guy : )

sunsetzzs 03/28/2014

I'm so sorry for the sadness you are experiencing. On the other side...being one with the illness, I have gone through a grieving period too, for what can no longer be. I think it's okay to feel this and go through it, as long as it is part of the journey and not a road bump that gets you stuck there. Life altering illnesses will have an effect on both the dx'd and the supportive spouse. It is important that your husband keep trying to find what will help him to manage his symptoms the best, that he has a good and understanding doctor, and that you keep going to him, as to not shut him out. Gentle hugs

PeaceN2You 03/28/2014

All excellent advice - I can't think of much to add except to say it's wrong to think of him as helpless. It's really important for us, as the ones with the condition, to be proactive in finding what helps. It's definitely a trial and error process, and it can take years to get it right, but he's not helpless, and it's not hopeless.

I'm glad you found us - this is a great place for both information and support.

ashleyjanette 03/28/2014

Thanks for the responsrs everyone.
I didn't mean to say hes helpless - I meant I am.
Also I do still go to him but sometimes he can't help anymore. He used to always know what to say to help me. But now he doesnt have the emergy a lot of the time to know what to say. I'm not blaming him - I just miss that.

MAGICpill 03/28/2014

I miss my life too
I miss being able to do anything and dream of doing things.
I miss never being in pain.
I miss being happy and healthy.

I would gladly trade places with you to be painfree and able to do for others.

Count your blessings and be glad you aren't us or him.

milily 03/28/2014

Magic - do you really think your last sentence was nice and necessary ? This women hasn't said anything offensive.

deleted_user 03/28/2014

My mother has FMS she started when I was a teenager it was difficult since she always the strong one of the family. So it is scary to see a person going through the pain. Keep in mind the love going make him feel that your there for him. Good luck. :-)

calebsmom22 03/28/2014

I, too, am the caretaker and I understand all your feelings. They are completely normal. My husband was sick (not with fibro) for the last 7 years of our marriage. I'm now caring for my son. Feel free to private message me if you'd like.

lowernotes 03/29/2014

As caregiver for my daughter I understand. Watching someone you love suffer when you can't do more to help than you already are, is really hard. Because fibro is a continually changing condition, you can never really plan anything either. For a week she can eat a particular food - only that food, then suddenly one day her body rebels and thats it. She and I have learned not to push it, she wants to eat it to not be a bother, but she just throws up and she hasn't got the strength to deal with that - so we have to stay flexible. The pain comes and goes, but never completely gone. Her energy levels are up and down. Her brain fog varies day to day, heck - it all varies moment by moment. But she likes to be told what is happening in the household, who is going out, who got home, funny things the cat did etc. It helps her to not feel so isolated. Fibro seems to be a thing that isolates people partially because of energy resources and pain, and partially because people you thought were friends just don't get it and don't bother to try.

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