i am so sorry u r having a bad situation.. since this isnt the first time u have had to help maybe writing up a alittle contract between u so that everyone knows what needs to be paid by whom and when.. i know it is tough when it comes to family but sometimes when we r in a certain situation we need to draw lines.. i hope things work out and feel free to vent anytime... hugs

Oh HOney, I've been there many times myself. I had to do the tough love thing with my youngest daughter a few years ago. It just about killed me to do it but it helped her and her husband to grow up and take some responsibility. Her husband hated me because I was on his case so much about taking care of his wife and children and keeping a job. But here I am 5 years later living with them in their apt. and they're taking care of me. God works in mysterious ways my friend. Do what you can but make them help themselves in the process. Don't back down from your rules for them being in your home. They'll thank you someday when they grow up a little more. Love and Hugs, Debbie

Well, it may be hard but it is your family and it sounds like it is more the son-in-laws fault than your daughters. A contact may be helpful- try not to stress, Lord knows what that does to us!

I feel for you Hon, and
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with such a touchy situation! There is nothing harder than having to "draw the line" with a family member and it sounds like you might need to do just that!
If it is effecting your health and well being than you and your hubby should talk about it and figure something out that won't cause you so much distress, even if it means saying "NO", we can't help you right now. If you can't use the tough love method, than maybe you should lay down some rules and set a date that you expect them to move out, and than stick with it! I know this will be very hard! and it might even cause hard feelings, but in the long run you will be helping them more by making them grow up and become
responsible adults.
Just remember the saying:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day,
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life!
I hope things get easier for you and you get all this figured out without making yourself sicker!
Remember that just because you want your "adult" children to be able to take care of themselves dosen't mean that your'e a bad mother! If anything it means you love them and want them to do well in life!
Take care of yourself and good luck!
love and prayers to you!
Teri

Hey, Druid,
I'm in a similar situation myself. If you are concerned for the kids, take them in. The adults can take care of themselves. I would definately set boundaries and time limits. This will go on forever if you let it. What's that Oprah says, "We teach people how to treat us." Teach your family they can't treat you thins way.

Thanks so much my friends...I actually have the original copy of Tough Love from the 80's...used to go to meetings in Boston regarding my youngest...I can actually put my hands on the book...and it is my son in law...BUT my daughter has to take some responsibility in not stepping up to the plate and reading him the riot act...it's a little bit like an emotionally battered woman...if you don't have any self esteem you won't stand up to the guy...I have too much and need to back off lol...regardless I will enjoy the three "little people" as long as I can...We live in MA and he wants to move them to Maine...yikes...maine has no economy like MA...BUT I can't say anything to my daughter as she would follow him anywhere...sigh...they say they will be here for five or six months...but I'm not sure...anyway I'd rather have them here than in Maine...Did some deep breathing this evening after spending the day moving things around and out...on a good note I found somethings I had no idea where they had gone...I've developed more "clutter" since being disabled 5 years ago...the good will people will be very happy when I drop off all those bags and boxes of stuff...thanks guys...Susan

After nearly losing my hubby to a stroke, my mom to pneumonia, my dad to a heart attack and just recently, our son to alcohol poisoning/beginning hypothermia, I really want my immediate family close.

I like all the hustle and bustle of family...I'd love for my daughter to move back home, even with her boyfriend and kitty. We are both pretty stubborn and have our own ideas but the bottom line is that, before she moved out I knew that she was safe, eating properly etc. I couldn't imagine not wanting to look after my future grandchildren, even if they'll probably send me into a year long flare! LOL

Last year was complete chaos around here with her breakup with her boyfriend, having a puppy to look after and then the new boyfriend entering the picture. I just think, what if something happened to one of my family members, would I be so worried about a dish that wasn't put in the dishwasher, the washer stuff not put in the dryer, trying to find something to make for supper that everyone likes? Nope.

The thing that you can change are how you look at this and what is your bottom line that you are going to put up with? If there is any more physical work to be done, don't wait for the offer, get on the phone and say "hey, you want these rooms, get your behinds over here and help me get them ready!"

I honestly have to say, you are alot braver and stronger then i would be able to be, I totally LOVE me daughter...but when she comes to visit and brings her 100 + pound dog with her...wow does that stress me...and he is a great dog !! very gentle...very trained...but it just so throws me off my routine and it takes nothing to do that these days...to have 5 people plus pets move into my space...family or not...love or not, it would stress me to the max...not saying I would Not do it, I prolly would...I pray I never have to find out...no, my hubby days if my daughter ever leaves her man we would get her set up in her own place right away...i would love to have her...but she is a grown woman...and we do things very different...and I just wouldn't want to run the risk of alienateing her...if she were here I would stick my nose right into her buisness....I would not be able to help myself...and she would shove my nose right back out of her buisness....and of course that would never work..kk...rambleing here I know...Just wanted to say GL 2 U with the whole thing...I think it is great you are able to do it.

I'm inclined to agree with Sandy about this situation and a contract I think will do you good in the end of all of this. If you have it on paper then hopefully they will try to live up to the agreements they signed up for. It is hard when it comes to your children but I could not have mine on the streets either, that would be more stres than them being with me, not knowing where they are or how they are living. Is there no work in your state? It is a sad state that we are in today and doesn't look much better for the future either. Economy is just gone and it just doesn't look much better in the long run of things. I have a feeling that with all of the houses that have had to be given up that this situation may become commmon sooner than we think. It hurts me to think that we don't have much to look forward to right now and I pray that they can get it back together for this country, but I am thankful that your kids have you, I would have to do the same with mine. i hope that everything works out for you Honey....I'm here if you need to just talk.....Love ....Helen