Oh, honey--sorry you're facing this scary & maddening problem--and at night when you should be getting rest---arrggh and I
don't blame you one bit for being pissed off!!
I hope you are all right-!!!

seems kids put us thru so much.. its a wonder at times how we stay sane.. glad im kinda done there.. i was a single mom for the most part and i had 4.. but only had trouble with one daughter.. and didnt think i would live thru it.. I know you worry. I hope everything turns out ok for you hun.. let us know how they are doing.. I would be smoking up a storm too.. hugs.. :)

I have a sister that puts our family through hell every time we turn around. So I know the feeling. You worry sick about them, but at the same time, you want to wring their necks and put them on a leash!

All we can do is to pray they will eventually open their eyes to what they are doing to themselves and to the rest of us and be there to pick them up and brush them off. BUT it is not our responsibility to pay for their fuck ups! My poor mother has finally figured this out.

I will send you lots of energy and strength and hope that your son is well. A bit ashamed and regretful but well. And may you have what it takes to "tan his hide" by way of words.

gentle huggles...

I AM IN THE SAME EXACT BOAT...YOU CAN TALK TO THEM TILL YOU'RE BLUE IN THE FACE...CRYING, BEGGING, WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEM IF THEY JUST SNAP OUT OF IT. IT WEARS YOU DOWN FOR SURE. IT'S SO HARD! I KNOW NONE OF US THOUGHT WE'D BE GOING THRU THIS WITH OUR KIDS WHEN THEY CAME INTO OUR LIVES. AND DRUGS IS NOT SOMETHING WE HAVE CONTROLL OVER. THERE IS NO COMPETEING WITH IT......I WISH YOU PEACE...HEATHER

sometimes i wonder why we had kids in the first place! maybe we should breed and then send them away to some kind of boarding school where the teachers can be the parents and they know all the fucking answers to all the problems that kids put us through. lately i wonder what i have done right. my oldest is getting ready to go off to college and she just graduated 5th in her class but she is a raging hormone with little respect and tries to convince me that i am the stupidis person in the world. but of course she wants a big extravagant grad party which is costing us a fortune and then she wants me to pay for college cause she didn't get off her ass to apply for scholarships.
good luck tu you, ill pray for you.

Maybe the native cultures had the right idea. Kids were not raised by the parents as much as they were the rest of the extended family. Kids were taught things by their grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. They don't expect the perfection out of the kids that parents do, but by the same token, they are more likely to be a stricter disciplinarian than some parents. I think there was something to that. That is the way my son was raised and I think it worked well.

PLEASE DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM PLAYING THE DEVILS ADVOCATE HERE BECAUSE I AM REALLY NOT. I WAS THE EXACT SAME WAY AS YOUR SON TEN FOLD WHEN I WAS A TEEN AND I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT THERE WERE MANT TIMES I RIPPED MY MOMS HEART OUT AND STOMPED IT THEN PUT IT BACK IN. I HAD ME REASONS FOR DOING THE DRUGS AND DRINKING AND I CAN SAY THAT THEY WERE VERY SELFISH ON MY PART. HONEY HE IS GOING TO DO THESE THINGS NO MATTER HOW IT EFFECTS ANYONE EVEN YOU BECAUSE HE IS NOT THINKING OF ANYONE EXCEPT HIM. IN RETROSPECT NOW THAT I AM A MOM I WOULD HAVE KICKED MY OWN ASS HAD I KNOWN HOW I BROKE MY MOMS HEART. JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN FOR HIM STAND BY HIM BUT BE PREPARED THAT THERE MAY COME A DAY WHEN OUT OF LOVE YOU HAVE TO SAY THIS IS ENOUGH AND STEP BACK AND LET THE CARDS FALL AS THEY MAY. IT IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS A MOTHER WOULD HAVE TO DO BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT HE IS NOT DESTROYING YOU RIGHT ALONG SIDE HIM. THERE WERE EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES THAT BROUGHT MY HAPPY ASS OUT OF THAT INSANITY THANK THE GOOD LORD SO MY MOM NEVER HAD TO DO THAT, BUT THERE MAY CAME A TIME YOU HAVE TO. I TRUELY HOPE THAT IT DOESN'T AND I HOPE THAT HE WILL RECOVER AND PULL HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS ASS AND SEE THE PATH THAT HE IS GOING DOWN. I AM HERE IF YA EVER NEED TO TALK...LOVE AND HUGS...BECCA

sorry you are going through this. hugs and prayers marilyn. basket that is the way of thge native cultures in canada too. hugs

You say what is on your mind and let it out so yuu won't imploude!! We are all here for support and anything you need.It will be hard but do not feel you can't come to us to calm down!! Sorry For yiur Loss

oz,i hope your ok,i hope your son is ok too.unfortunately my lil brother does this stupid shit and he's had heart probs. since birth(having 3 open heart surgeries)my mom would like to plant her foot knee deep up his ass,but she can't as we all can't be there 24/7 to watch every lil thing they do.know that you are in my thoughts,good luck.love and hugs,dawn

I am so sorry you are going through this.. this must be so horrible for you...I will keep you and your family in my prayers!!! Hugs, Jen

I know how you feel. Many a time i said "I shoulda been a nun!".

Why should YOU rush in the middle of the night for an adult son who has screwed up. I believe in tough love, in that you don't doanything or provide anything to enable their behavior. it is soooo hard to do.

Sending you love and prayers. Motherhood, the gift that keeps on giving.

Good luck, sue

Am just gonna Hug ya...and let ya know I Understand...Completely...and I am sorry to know you are haveing to go thru it...

Hugs to you this Day MyFriend..

holy cow! why do people do such things or hand around such crowds? I don't get it.

Thank you so much everyone, for your kind words - I really appreciate them.
I just felt so helpless and alone when I posted.
I think he thought he was phoning me to say goodbye when he rang - and that's what freaked me out the most.
Being so far away from home and the middle of the night, I didn't want to go rushing up there if he was going to be just fine and dandy - I know that sounds cold and heartless, but it's a bit of the tough love stuff I guess - but I also didn't want to be sitting here ignoring him if he really was in bad shape.
God I was torn to bits.
I am so grateful to the security guards at the hotel and nightclub he was at. They phoned me a couple of times while waiting for the ambo and then after he'd been taken to tell me where he'd gone to, and that if there was any change, the ambo's would call and tell him and he'd call me. Sooo nice of them to do that.

Dale also phoned me after he'd been at the hospital and they'd treated him, to tell me he was ok. So that was good, I could finally try and sleep.

Then the little treasure phoned me at 4.30am to tell me they were releasing him and he was going back to the hotel where his brother and friends were. Didn't really need "that" call - but I am grateful that he is ok.

Beleive me - he is not gonna want to be around me for too long when he gets home. I'm sure it won't be his "fault".
But I have had enough of all this. He was the one who was talking suicide a few weeks ago and sent me into a tailspin then. I raced around like a whirlpool trying to find help etc, only for him to reject the final step of counselling because he was "alright now".
If he doesn't follow it up this time.....

Grrrr - this is so confusing and frustrating, I don't thing I enable, but perhaps I do, I'll have to try and figure out how.
But the bottom line is, if anything happened to him and I ignored him..... well I'd just never forgive myself.

Anyway, I waffled on a bit there - sorry.

Thank you again - each and everyone of you, I really do appreciate your support.