Sorry its another of those 'need to vent' posts..but no one else here to listen or understand some of the dark places we get to..

Ive just come back from four days away - invited by an old friend who has bought a property in the country. Her husband was dropping off their grandchild in the city and offered to pick me and my daughter up and take us back for a kind of 'retreat' at their place.
They were trying to be as kind as possible but I just ended up feeling hopeless and guilty that I am not achieving more or getting better.

My friends are both in their 60's now (ten years older than me) and have their own health problems (she has IBS) but their energy levels and resilience put me to shame.
They are getting up early each morning and working hard on their new farm property clearing weeds, planting gardens and chopping wood etc. most of it hard physical work. I felt so pathetic that even just after an hour walking around the 5 acre hillside property (lots of steep, slippery tracks) made me feel exhausted afterwards and I needed to rest. The weather was cold, wet and windy too, so felt worse.
It took me up to two hours to wake up in the morning after sleeping in a strange bed, and having intense back pain and stiffness in the morning.
I just felt so guilty about having Fibro!
My friends were trying to be helpful, but over the years they have made a few comments like 'oh well we got on top of our Fibro by discipline and daily exercise' and 'we all have our health issues but just have to get on with it'
Another case of well meaning people thinking they have 'cured' their Fibro (self-diagnosed) by diet and exercise so think they can tell other people what will help. Of course they haven't had Fibro!
They want me to come back to visit again soon..I am not sure about that.

The worst part for me is not so much the pain (can take pain killers for that) but the terrible brain fog and fatigue. Its getting worse for me and I looked up in my medical notes I was diagnosed 'mild dementia' and mild TBI after the original accident and head injury which started all of this.

My ability to read, remember, concentrate, focus and pay attention to anything is not recovering, and is, it seems, getting worse. Menopause is probably not helping.
My goal these last four years has been to take a CELTA Diploma course in Teaching English as a Foreign language as a way to survive financially as I can not work in an office job any more.
Ive realised now I can't do this. I was trying to tutor private students with English Grammar but they have cancelled lessons because I just can't answer their questions on advanced grammar topics or concentrate enough over the two hours of teaching required.
I am still doing a few hours volunteer work each week teaching Refugees basic English skills, but I can't earn money doing this without a University Diploma in teaching (and its too late for me now - or so it feels)

Feeling so hopeless today Im still in bed after 11am (very unusual for me) and coming to terms with my loss of dreams and goal to move back to Europe is bringing tears to my eyes. This year I am also recovering from the aftermath of a traumatic relationship experience and the shock of discovering my 'wonderful' partner was leading a double life and was a conman who fled the country with the police after him. Its good that I now no longer caught up in his fantasy life and lies, but the loss of my dreams and goals and plans has co-incided with a major Fibro flare and having a formal diagnosis of degenerative disc disease which is getting worse as I age. I've stopped most of my social life and interaction due to fatigue and also the comments people make which can be so hurtful.
Its getting more lonely and isolated every day.
Thank you for listening and being there. I really feel for so many of you after reading your stories.