Hi Shorty,

Welcome to the group :)

This is a tough question, that I think most people with Chronic Disease have to deal with, both the losing of friends and the depression.

I don't really have a solution...sometimes trying to educate your friends so they understand that the physical pain they can not see is a hardship, and of course you want to do fun things, but the pain prohibits you...why else would you cancel on a night out with the girls unless you were feeling seriously ill?

I don't know that you can stop yourself from caring, but maybe if you can't go out you can invite your friends over for pizza and movies or something like that, so they can see how debilitating Fibro is, but also your willingness to maintain the friendships.

As for depression, I think it's important to deal with that sooner rather than later...a therapist, psychiatrist, maybe an antidepressant, which can also help with pain...

You can only do the best you can...you need not beat yourself up over some limitations you are experiencing at this time

Take care,
LuLu

Hi Shorty, welcome!
I agree with Lulu, I think it is a good idea for friends to be around you and see when you are at your worst. It's hard because of course during those times I just want to take a nap, lol. But really, when my parents came to visit and I handed them the mayo clinic description of fibro and they saw me day in/out, they realized how debilitating it is. I am grateful for that. I did lose my best friend. She just kept saying it wasn't convenient to pick me up for church because of Sunday school. I finally got the hint and let her go. It has taken me a year to get over and I am still grieving over it.

After being diagnosed with heart disease in December and some subtle hints from friends and family, I hired a chronic illness counselor. We talk about these very things. Most sessions are via phone since I haven't been able to get out much and I am blessed because she has fibro. I don't even have to explain anything if I need to reschedule, she just gets it. She talks to me about "reframing" things, instead of thinking of the I can't or I don't anymore...it's, like Lulu says, having friends (for me, it's A Friend) over on a night you are rested and maybe do it with help from friends by them bringing something. You cannot put additional pressure on yourself for not being able to do things...that's just a war you are never going to win. Be kind to yourself, and ask for help. You wouldn't treat a sick friend that way who had a chronic illiness, so why should you do it to yourself?
As far as the friends, I have found the good ones really do stick by you and it's surprising the ones that do. I am so grateful for them, because they are the ones inevitably, I find, are the exact ones you need in your life. Good luck & God Bless.

hi brandy,
I too have that problem , I used to have friends calling all the time but since I got sick I rearly get calls I have two people out of 40 people. It is hard, Luckily my husband is a home body. But it still hurts you want to be well enough to go but you cannot be sure of dates or times. I set up appt and have to cancel I can't say I am angry at them I am a good phone friend that's it. I was haoping that I would find fbro friends , some one in my area to chat with but so far not one. I am in Canada. so any way I amhere if you need or waNT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING OKAY ISABEE

Hi Shorty-

Welcome to the group! :)

I agree with the previous posters who brought up educating family/friends and also speaking to a therapist. They are great suggestions.

Also I think you should try to forget about the friends who aren't sticking by you, and focus on those who are...b/c those are your real friends. Chronic illness is a certain way to separate the wheat from the chaff of your relationships. When you feel well, spend time with those friends who are supportive and make you feel good about yourself.

*hugs*

-YB

A supportive hubby is awesome, but the big D of depression is tougher... I agree that a doc is vital to help that battle. Meds can help, so can counseling, and honestly, friends who don't understand? Not such great friends after all. I was shocked by who did and didn't "stick".

Otherwise, ditto everyone else, and hugs, and Hello, Brandy! Welcome to DS Fibromyalgia Forum!

Smiles,
Leo

Probably, everyone here knows this already, but since I didn't read it in the posts, I'm going to mention this. I find that just getting out of the house helps my depression a lot. I think this is two-fold. The sun, for one thing, helps with depression. I even bought myself one of those
'sunlight' lamps to use in the winter, to give me those rays I need. Of course, the other is just being around other people, even strangers, can make me feel better. That said, this is an ongoing problem that, at this point, is only helped by horribly expensive drugs. I will do a big ol' dance when Cymbalta is available as a generic drug.

Have you already tried Cymbalta?

It's not a matter of trying not to care. Repressing emotions like anger and sadness isn't very helpful. It's good to honor these feelings and let them go.
Reframing is good because you put yourself in the driver's seat. You have to prioritize and do what's best for you. If friends fall by the wayside because they are too self-absorbed, too busy or too shallow to get it, you sadly kiss them goodbye.
We all go through it. Your not alone in this. I find comfort in written communication both internet and snailmail. I love writing letters.