smdruid,
i feel for you and i am really sorry for you to have to go through such agony. I don't know how you feel because my husband is one of those rare ones who underrstands and accepts it. i feel terrible we haven't had sex in ages because i am in too much pain but he is taking it all into stride.I have to say i am truly blessed and i want you to be also, so i will say prayers for you , but you got to help me you have to try to hold a positive attitude that he will accept things too. ok can u try that. Yes it's hard but everything worth fighting for is hard right.
so i will pray now just try to be strong and do your part.
love Trish

I think what I have found is men feel inadequate as they cannot fix this. By nature, they need to fix things.

when I first got sick, I felt like you did, my hubby withdrew from me as he could not take care of it.

I think communication is the key. You need to sit down and tell him how you feel, really...physically, how you feel. Then tell him its ok, that he cannot fix it, but to try and understand at lease what your going through. Tell him its like having the flu, day in and day out. Ask him if he could function like that, infinitely? Then hold him, love him, and try and grasp those times with him that you can, give him what he needs. Men are very physical..they need that connection. I hope this helps, hugss San

DITTO-- San..worth repeating----

"" I think what I have found is men feel inadequate as they cannot fix this. By nature, they need to fix things. **

ALSO...COMMUNICATION..WHICH SEEMS SO TRITE BUT IT'S WHAT HELPED KEEP MY 43 YEAR MARRIAGE TOGETHER.

GOOD LUCK
JUDY

I agree communication is key. My husband is good to me and understanding also. He gets mad that he can't "fix" it for me, and I understand that. I have my days where I want to be "alone", so together we fixed me a room with a computer and a comfortable glider rocker. When the pain gets overwhelming, I wave and tell him I'm going to my "retreat" to read or nap.
Your husband may feel as helpless as you do and doesn't know how to show it.
Some nights when we want to be close, he'll sit on the end of the couch and I'll put a pillow on his hip and lay down. Then we throw a comfortor on us and just quietly sit and talk...no TV, no other distractions (well, except the cats), its amazing how close that can make you feel. Don't be hurt because he doesn't think you care about him, he probably just doesn't understand. No amount of reading will help him, what will is being able to sit and calmly talk about things. Try getting a meal ready together, and talk about your day..listen to what his has been like, and then tell him what the FM has been like for you. Then, clean up the kitchen together, it goes a lot faster when you both do it. Then, thank him for the help and let him know how much it helps!

Sniff..sniff...wiping back tears..because all of you are so very helpful when I need it...I have done most of what you suggested and I just spoke with him at work...he does feel helpless..he has just started getting his Reiki Certification so he is a sensitive man...he is upset that he can't "Heal" me...I calmly said if it were able to be healed then I would have done it...what needs to happen, I said to him, is that he needs to comfort me which, in turn, will decrease much of the pain...I know he heard me..alot of us here, I'm sure, feel quilting about not being able to take care of the rest of our live, people like we used to...but as I explained to "him", I must care for myself first...and it's not that I don't love him less...it's just that in order for me to function in any way I MUST care for me first...so much love to all of you..SM

Boy do I understand this one, especially about the sex. We had a very active sex life... notice I said HAD....My situation is a little different. I got fibro in 1990 after a very traumatic episode with surgery. At that time I found no one to help me... My Dr's all convinced my Husband I was crazy and it was all in my head. Fun time in our life.

To get to the point my husband has chronic pain. It has gotten worse over the years and he finally filed disability. It wasnot until this happened that he finally understood. I finally got diagnosed in 2000 with his help and support.

We now equally feel guilty about everything. We hate to have people over to our house because it is so messy. We basically live in one room because that is all we can take care of with our current level of pain.... and don't even ask for a narcodic.

My Dr. told me they don't like to prescribe them because of all the red tape involved. He knows of other Dr's who have been charged in federal court for giving out too much narcodics and Dr's who have been sued for not taking care of a person't pain.

Between the Government wanting to control our drug consumption and this I'll sue you society... we are stuck in the middle in pain...

It is also getting harder to find a pain Doctor. Mine saw me and is working with my regular Dr. to help but he has so many patients he can't take on any more and is thinking of getting out of the pain field.

Well I guess I rambled enough.... I get very angry about this ... I am still trying to work and believe me it is not easy. There are many days I spend on the verge of tears due to the pain. But I can't just give up so.... I keep fighting and praying that somehow this pain will be taken care of for me and my Husband.

sorry for babaling on and on...

I don't wish pain on BevAnn's husband, but the timing was sure good if he had to get it. When more men (husbands & MDs) develope FM then and only then will they start to understand. We had a male MD get the diagnosis about 5 yrs back, and all of a sudden its something MDs are recognising in our community!! But only 20% of FM pts are men, so its no quick fix, but the overall #s go up so will the ratio.......then we will see it addressed and it's STIGMA reduced!

I talked to a co-worker today who is a male in his late 50's. His doctor is pretty sure that he has fibro. Also, my father has it too. I have been seeing more males get this. I also think my 21 year old son has this. He has had all the problems that I have but he won't see a doctor. He is too damned stubborn! OOPS, did I say that? Anyway, I don't wish this on anyone either, but if my boyfriend had it he would know what I am going through! Just maybe he would be a little bit more caring of what I am dealing with!!

I don't mean to minimize anything that you all have said bc it goes w/out saying that we all go through similar things - but - I think at times we (or at least me) forget that other people's problems are as important to them as our problems are to us. I know for me there are times that I have to take a step back to see that to my 8-year-old son having one of his friends upset with him is the end of the world for him. I know that it all blows over in a matter of minutes, but to him, his problems are as bad or worse than mine, so I have to show him the support that I ask for.

I don't mean to sound preachy - just something to think about.