To keep a marriage strong you require two-way communication and a lot of understanding, willingness to learn and willingness to pick up the slack from the partner who is not physically and emotionally dealing with a chrinic condition.

Your husband is lucky to have you!

Glad that you are coping better.

Ashley I believe that the 75% divorce rate don't include people who are willing to try to understand and face problems head on. TOGETHER. Your husband is very lucky to have to you by his side.

I totally agree with Lady, communication is HUGE in any relationship, but especially when there is illness. It takes patience, understanding, commitment and love. I would look for a support group in your area for care givers for people with fibro or chronic pain, or maybe even just care givers in general. Having people who can relate and understand can make things a bit easier and less stressful.

I have to say I was kind of amazed at your post because my hubby and I had a VERY similar conversation last week. He had said he missed the person I used to be, before the pain and fatigue and anxiety. But he also said that even if he had known he wouldn't have changed his mind. It was good to hear.

Just keep communicating and keep reminding your husband that you love him and you're behind him 100%. And be sure to keep visiting us here!

Ashley it's funny that you posted this about marriage. I'm getting married in less than 3 months and after reading your post it makes me appreciate him more than I have been lately. I was diagnosed with fibro 3 years ago and how he still sticks around is beyond me. He gets up with me no matter what time of night it is. He rubs my back, my feet, cleans the house, whatever I need him to do he does it. I must admit when I'm in pain and frustrated I can bite his head off but he still loves me in spite of my flaws. Thank you for posting this, I will try to be a little more nice to him from now on. I'm sure you and your husband will work this out, you guys are just going through a rough patch that we all go through (married or not). I think we get so wrapped up in our own pain and what we are going through that we don't see it from the other person's perspective. You are doing the right thing by trying to see his point of view. I will keep you guys in my prayers.

We're approaching our 10yr anniversary this summer. And looking back our marriage has been handed some pretty hefty doses of life's offerings.

Both my hubby and I could look at my Fibro and say, wow, we have a 25% chance at making this work.
We also have two kiddos with autism/adhd & SPD which according to those stats, we only have a 20% chance at marriage survival.
Toss in money issues, house issues, car issues, etc..that list is endless.

But neither one of us look at the stats. We just look to each other and our faith. We both give our 100% each day and are quick to forgive. We know the odds are stacked against us so if one of us is having a difficult day(s), then we just let it slide. We know that the person we love is struggling, so we make the extra effort to make it better in the best way we can.

So now, the only number I'm concerned with is my 100% I'm putting in. And just like anything else in my life, that is what makes me happy. When I can crawl into bed at night knowing I did all I could to make the day a good one for my family, then I can rest w/out regret.

And I got really really lucky in the hubster department, because my hubby feels the same way I do about it all.

Your hubby sounds lucky to have you. I'm sure it's hard for a guy to open up about how he feels about it all, especially in therapy. Maybe you could start going yourself if you think it will help you. Guys tend to have that inner need to fix things. And I've learned that they struggle greater with the stress of not being able to fix things on their own more so than we women do. We just axe it for the most part. For them, it runs deeper.
So knowing he has a disorder than is not able to be fixed is a struggle beyond what we can imagine. Not to mention, the struggles of earning money, taking care of the home, family, etc.

I can only encourage you to be his sounding board/best friend he needs. In time, he will either figure out how to cope or will follow you to therapy.

All your comments are really helping. My husband and I have been together 7 years, married 4. My husband was lucky enough to get to spend time with the "pre-fibro" me for 5 months.

For the most part we have had an amazing marriage. I have never complained about our problems to others, even my closest friends. He is usually understanding of my health problems, but sometimes he isn't.

In all our years together, recently we have actually talked about separation, even divorce. But we're still fighting for our marriage. Even through our problems, I realize what an amazing, supportive man I am with.

He has agreed to go to counseling, and we are seeing a therapist, and both seem to be getting a lot out of it. I am so hopeful, and dare I say confident, that we will get through this, and go on to have a long, wonderful life together.

I just posted a post called "Suzy Sunshine's Rainy Day". See, even when I pronounce that I am not putting on my "sunshine face" for anybody, I am here to say, this is not a "face". These are my genuine feelings.

Half the battle is WANTING it.
The other half is PRACTICE.
21 years in, and yes, I own Marriage for dummies. Also COmmunication for dummies. And I've learned to let hubby have his Me Time (since I'm the "sick" one) and he's learned that jsut b/c I'm "sick" doesn' tmeant I'm "useless"----he can still come to me, just he has to remember I can't take on as much as I once could.

It's a balancing act, there's rough patches, but here's the thing.... who IS "what they thought they'd be" 5, 10, 20 years later? Nobody I know in my life. Things happen, life happens, dreams change, and sometimes, it is so nice to just snuggle up and watch TV for an hour.... small thing... but oh, how large the importance of that quiet hour of "us"!

Good luck, and I agree with others----it's so much about the willingness.

My hubby and I have been married for 40 years!!! I would have to say that most of those years have been spent "working at it." It is definitely hard work being married, but the goodness outweighs the challenges, in my book.

This now my husband asked me what I wanted for lunch. He's retired, too, so we go to lunch frequently. Also, with my latest foot problems, I'm even less inclined to cook!

So I mentioned this place we'd been talking about going. He asked me if I wanted to do it, and I said, " I guess I can make myself do it." His reply to that was, "everybody has to make themselves do things."

That just really hit me wrong today! I said, "yeah, but everybody doesn't fight through 24 hour pain on a daily basis." I just felt like his response was downplaying what I've been going through. I know what he said is true, most people do have to make themselves do things. But you all, more than any other people, understand the difference when you're fighting chronic pain. I just feel like this painful struggle that's been going on for weeks has wrung out of me most of my happy and positive feelings.

Sorry if I hijacked the thread. Just weighing in on marriage and my current struggles.