Fibromyalgia Support Group

You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.

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ShelaBug 05/14/2009

Tell me I\'m not the only person who has a family that thinks they are addicted to pain meds. I have officially been diagnosed as having Fibromyalgia by three doctors in the past year, including my PCP who has been my doctor since 1982. My problem is this. I take two tablets of Vicodin ES each day (usually morning and night) and Cymbalta 30mg once each day for pain. Once in awhile I will take Ambien if I have trouble sleeping and an extra Vicodin on really bad flare up days. Which would be a total of 3 in a 24 hour period. I also take on a daily basis meds for cholesterol, high blood pressure, weak bladder and acid reflux. It is alot of pills...but I do not feel that I am addicted to any of them. Unfortunately, I have family members who feel differently. I have a very close and tight knit family. My parents and two younger sisters. I am 50 and my sisters are in their 40\'s. A year ago, my youngest sister went through treatment for prescription drug addiction and I am constantly being compared to her. For example, this past Mothers Day. I did not go to my Mom\'s for the first time for a family gathering. I was taking care of my own little adorable 16 month old grandson as my daughter and her husband were taking a mini vacation for their 5th wedding anniversay. I was exhausted to say the least as my grandson is at the toddler stage and for those of you that have grandbabies...well, you know how much energy they have! I would not have changed it for the world, it was a nice Mother\'s Day gift for me to have him over the weekend. I did call Mom early in the day to wish her well and when she called later in the day, I was taking a nap while my adorable \"little\" guest was taking his. My hubby explained this and immediately, my mother assumed I was drugged out and that is why I was sleeping in the middle of the day. Since then, she has called several times and unfortunately, I also experienced a pulled bicep muscle which happened while I was playing with my little guy. I ended up going to see my doctor just to make sure that all was okay and I missed two days of work. Again, my mother and middle sister called and in so many words questioned my absence from work and made reference to the fact that I take too many pills. It\'s all so toxic. I am tired of explaining myself to them....they do not believe that Fibro is real and that because I am also obese, that is the reason I suffer from body aches and pain. The stress that I feel from them constantly badgering me under the veil that they only are concerned for my health, is too much to bear. It only causes more pain. When I tell them I am tired of their accusations, they say that because I become defensive, I have a problem and am in denial. I do take offense to thier accusations. I am not my sister and I do not display the addictive behaviors that she had. Her treatment was successful and I am greatful that she was able to get the beast off of her back. She was seeing several different doctors for many, many different ailments, stealing drugs from friends and family, going to several different pharmacies. Her drug of choice was Vicodin, but she would drink prescription cough syrup, etc. She was taking 10 plus of Vicodin each day.....it was an awful thing.....I understand the fear that my mother and family must feel. But again, I am not my sister and I am not faking my symptoms. I finally told them that I did not want to discuss my condition with them any longer...I am not going to explain myself to them or be accountable to them. They take this as I am in denial. I have nothing to hide. I told my mother that if she wanted to come to my doctor\'s visit\'s with me, she is more than welcome. She declined...they just want to beleive that I am a hypochondriac and an addict and that I should not be taking anything for pain. Sorry this is such a long post...I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening. ShelaBug

JillyT 05/14/2009

Hi Shelabug, I am so sorry you are going thru all this with your family! Of course they have no idea how much their "concern" and questioning you is only adding to your problem. I have over 20 drugs that I take thruout the week and that doesn't inlcude the Darvocet that I take for pain when I need it. Once a week I have to count out my pills and put them in a plastic dispenser for the week. I have multiple illnesses that require these meds. Every once in a while my husband will look at all the drugs I take and shake his head and says something like, "it's not right that you have to take so much medicine" almost as if the medication is the problem instead of a faulty body. I find it very frustrating because I have explained all the meds I take, but he just doesn't like that fact that I am sick.

This gives me a small bit of insight into how you're feeling. Hopefully your hubby is supporting you and keeping their toxic comments away from you. The other kind of comments that fit in with this behavior is, "but you're too young to be that sick" like there's an age when it's okay to be ill, lol. You sound like a strong woman, hang in there and if they keep bothering you just keep offering to bring them with you to the dr. Good luck, hugs jilly

deleted_user 05/14/2009

Hella! I'm sorry your family isn't taking the time to understand your condition, get them a book or brochure on Fibro, and tell them once they read it you can all discuss it.
I understand the fear if you have a sister that got addicted, because alot of times those addictive tendencies run in familys, once they become informed about you and your condition and they bring up the addiction issue, thank them and tell them you will discuss it with your husband and doc, the ones who understand. Just look at it as a check for yourself, we do have the oppertunity to get lots of different drugs that make us feel better, so It does happen and by us being accountable and responsible, we keep from falling into those traps.
So get them informed, so when they do say something, they will have knowledge not assumptions, and if the don't want to understand what you go through, you and your hubby decide how to handle them, Don't let them upset you that does no good for your health. hugs Chele

deleted_user 05/14/2009

Recently I have pulled away from those who won't take the time to understand or support me, mother being one of them. I've given them all the info, etc. Now it is up to them. We can't change people, but we CAN change the way we think about them. Distance might help. If having a relationship with you is important to them then they should respect your boundaries. You are not someones punching bag. It sounds like they have issues of their own and are not dealing with them but rather choose to turn on you and make you feel guilty.
Some people are VERY good at that. It doesn't make it hurt any less though that it is your mom. They are suppose to be nurturing, and compassionate, and it hurts when we can't get this from them. They aren't your doctor. He is the one who prescribes the medicine for you and BELIEVE me they aren't going to risk their practice or medicine giving out pain meds to addicts!
Hope this helps. You aren't your sister!!
xoxoxoxoxo

deleted_user 05/14/2009

I meant risk their medical license...

deleted_user 05/14/2009

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your family is adding to your already stressful situation. Having fibromyalgia is very difficult on it's own but when people don't believe, or judge, or accuse it makes it way worse than it needs to be. It's hard to go it "alone" when others around you can't figure out how to get past their own selfishness or wrong ideas to be supportive. I've pretty much stopped talking to my mom about my health issues b/c she's not listening and she always seems to pick things to throw back at me -- and I just don't need anymore stress. Again, I'm sorry for what they are doing!

ShelaBug 05/14/2009

Thank You So Much Jilly, Chele, Chibby & Mom29, Your understanding means so much to me. I also am the only one that works outside the home. Not that being a homemaker is not a job...it is, and sometimes a very difficult one. But my Mom and middle sister live next door to each other and my sister who is recovering lives down the same street. She works outside the home, however, has summer's off. So the three of them get together nearly on a daily basis and I know that most days I am the topic of discussion. God forbid should I miss a day of work because I am not able to cope with the horrible pain coursing through my body. I work in the city and take the train each day. My days are usually 10 - 12 hours long when you factor my commute. They will even hunt me down by calling work, etc. When I don't answer at work, they call me at home and If I don't answer...they assume I am all drugged out. When in reality, I just need peace and quiet. To take a nice long hot shower and listen to music. They don't understand this. I have given them the information. I'm not confident that they have taken the time to read it. They want to believe what they want and compare me with who they want. I did say that I no longer wanted to discuss my condition with them...but they take that as "Well, I must have an addiction because now I have resorted to hiding it from them" It is SO darn frustrating. My husband is VERY supportive. The only trouble with this is, my brother-in-law was very protective of my sister at the height of her addiction, and it took an intervention to get him to realize what he did not want to admit. So therefore, they feel my husband is doing the same. BTW, Because they feel that I too am an addict, I was not included in my sister's intervention....no hard feelings over that though, as she got the help she needed and that is all that matters. Again, thank you for lending me your support. ((Hugs)) to all of you. I will remember your adivce and kind words when the going gets tough. ShelaBug

deleted_user 05/14/2009

I am so sorry that your family treats you that way. Stand your ground, you, your doctor and your body know what you need.

I only discuss my medications with certain others and they will understand. I have enough trouble understanding myself why I have to take so much and still don't feel so well.

Hugs, Pam

deleted_user 05/15/2009

Ok...Please someone tell me when was the last time an "addict" worked? Let alone 10-12 hours a day? Sounds like they are jealous of you! You should;ve been at the intervention they could've probably used your intelligence and wisdom. Wow...they are missing out on having a relationship with you!
You are AMAZING!! You keep doing what you have to do . Just put some distance between them. Your life is really none of their business if they aren't on the same page with you!
Hope you are having a BETTER day!

gramybear 05/16/2009

GET THE LETTER THAT HELPS FAMILY AND FRIENDS UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. YOU ARE HARDLY ADDICTED! IN FACT, YOU ARE VERY LUCKY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE A HIGHER DOSE OR MORE OFTEN.

deleted_user 05/17/2009

I have this family member that every time we got together, he insisted on debating the issue on whether or not I was faking my pain and addicted to the drugs and that I should just practice "mind over matter". I finally got fed up and told him -- loudly -- "that I have fibro and all the little gremlins attached to it and of course I was addicted to my meds otherwise I wouldn't be standing here and having this stupid, stupid conversations with him again." Shut him up right away and several people raised their glasses to me and said good for you.

And I agree -- give them good info about fibro and tell them the discussions are over, unless they want to band together to help you cope with the housework and laundry.

I've had fibro for over 4 years now and don't talk to a lot of family and friends anymore because they will never understand and I'm dog-tired of losing my breathe trying to explain it to them.

Good luck! And your Mother's Day sounded perfect!

deleted_user 05/17/2009

Hi ShelaBug. I don't have any family outside of my husband, sons and grandchildren. The one brother I do have is an alcoholic and in his own world, has stopped being a part of mine a long, long time ago. So, although sometimes I wish I did have family, times like these (hearing about you) makes me grateful that I do not! :o) Since they feel that being defensive points to an addiction, the way I would handle it is either write my mom a letter, with kindness, and explain to her that you have an illness which demands medication. That you have seen what your sister has gone through and your mother would be the first person you would go to if you felt you had problems being addicted. Or talk to her (I say her, because if you can get through to her, then you can have her on your side and she can go to the rest of the family). I can understand why they would be concerned (because of your sister), but you are in no way on the same path as she was on. They don't understand that. So, I'd use love and kindness to try to get through to my mother. And if that doesn't work, you can tell them "Hey, I tried to do it without defensiveness, YOU guys didn't accept that". Of course, you didn't really ask for a solution, so if I'm out of boundaries, I apologize. I wish you well!

deleted_user 05/17/2009

*sigh* I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I too am on vicodin for the pain and have been on it for a year after trying everything else under the sun and have concerned people in my life. I am very cautious with the drug and have regular check ups with my dr. It's the only thing allowing me to have a life again after nearly becoming a couch potato. I do plan on going to Cleveland Clinic for pain management treatment/therapy next year so I can hopefully find other ways to help without using narcotics because even w/o addiction I know I can't be on them for life. It's just a band aid. I definitely agree with those that say they only discuss their meds with certain people. I do try to stay very open with the right people for the purpose of monitoring in case I ever seem to have a problem but that is where it ends. I too am overweight from this illness and hear you on the whole increase in pain due to carrying extra weight. I went from a size 2 to a 22 in about 4 years. Then was constantly told to exercise and eat right. Yeah...I'll get right on that. BTW....I eat less than my size 2 mother! I wish i had some great advice to share but I will just pray for you that you'll find the right way to communicate with your family that they will grasp onto the idea that each one of us is different and that you need their love and support to be shown in a way that is not counter-productive. This is a condition that requires each of us to eliminate as much stress and anxiety in our lives as possible in order for us to live our best life and continue to fight. Perhaps they need some literature on your illness and I would be bold and let them know in a loving manner that until they read to understand you wish to not discuss anything with them concerning this issue. You have that right and need to take care of yourself first and foremost so you can be the daughter/sister/wife/friend that you want to be for others. I'm so glad to hear you have a supportive husband. I do too and probably wouldn't make it most days without him. Blessings to you and I will be praying for you so please keep me posted if you are able.

Smiles,
J-Lynn

deleted_user 05/17/2009

I do have stronger meds and at first 3 of the four kids thought I was an addict until two have been here for Emergency runs to the hospital and Fibro Fog so bad that I don't know who they are!! My second son is understanding more and my daughter still digs her heels in thinking I am. What it does for you when your EX Mother inlaw, her grandmother, puts it in her head that I must be!! She will learn

deleted_user 05/17/2009

If people see you take aspirin every day they'll say,, "..you're addicted to aspirin" People are freaked if you take ANY medication. I'll tell you what's the only thing they'll never say you're addicted to,, the one thing we should be, lack of pain.

deleted_user 05/24/2009

I do not think you are addicted at all. Was your sister that took all the meds in severe pain? If so, how did she get rid of it? That is the question. If you are in severe pain, I do not know how you stop taking pills or something for the pain. I have severe pain, but also feel that my body is VERY dependent on the pain m eds, and I am scared. I was doing ok until they tried to detox me, and then my pain was so severe and I got very ill, and lost so much weight, and now my body seems to need the pain meds to walk, function..I am allergic to Lyrica, cymbalta, gabapentin, etc, and I am scared. I think you are doing just fine, and if your family bothers you, I would just say thank you for your opinion but I cannot speak to you if you are going to talk about this.... You are doing great.

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