Fibromyalgia Support Group

You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.

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mamawx4 09/09/2009

how do you maintain a healthy marriage with fibro? Sex is a big part of any healthy marrige and for me it is very painful for several days afterward.My whole body is so sore for days that I can bearly move.I love my husband very much and I know he loves me too and he is very understanding of my health problems.He never presses the issue of sex because he knows how much pain I'm in afterwards,but I know that he misses that side of our marrige alot.I can tell when it has been too long because he starts getting real agitated but he tries to hide it from me that that is what's wrong.Sometimes it has been as long as 2 months in between and he never says a word.When I see what it's doing to him I try to make it right for him.But then he feels so guilty because he knows how bad it hurts me and he worries himself to death about it.I try really hard to not let him see what it does to me but he knows me too well and gets upset all over again because I try to hide it from him.I have tried to take muscle relaxers before but then I fall asleep so that's no help either.Pain pills help at the time but not the days that follow unless I take them constantly and I hate being drugged up all the time.
I'm sorry if this question seems crude but for me this is a very big issue and I don't know what to do.I have wanted to talk to my dr about it but was too embarassed. I am a shy person by nature and it is hard to talk to some one face to face about this.SO I thought you guys might be able to give me some advice on what to do.I love my husband very much and I worry that he can only take so much and will eventually walk away.So please help me find a way to deal with this problem if you can.

deleted_user 09/09/2009

i totally understand where you are coming from. i think that it is an important part of a good marriage and although "husbands" understand they don't really. they are men and they have needs. my own suggestion to you is to satisfy him in between the times you actually have intercourse. if you work on it you can actually please him without much discomfort or pain. good luck.

deleted_user 09/09/2009

It is not a Crude Question..Sex is a Healthy part of Relationships, and needs to be addressed..there are ways to satisfy your husband without actual intercourse..Talk openly with him about it..if it is just to Painful for you...but yet he has a healthy appetite for it...talk to him about "Alternative methods"..Don't be Shy about it...Exploring new ways to have sex can be Fun..we have all had to do it at some point within our lives...have been sick, had surgeries...babies...where actual Intercourse is not an option...don't be so hard on yourself...

mamawx4 09/09/2009

Thank you both for your replies.It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has had to find other ways.It has taken alot of imagination on both of our parts to take care of both our needs without causeing each other so much pain.He has degenertive bone disease so it can be painful for him too.I think that's why he is so understanding of my problems.But some times we both need more if you know what I mean and finding ways to fullfill that need without hurting each other is almost impossible.So we do alot of exploration with alot of trial and error.Most time we end up having to give up because it's just too painfull.And that's our major problem.

deleted_user 09/09/2009

Hey, sex is a workout. You use parts you don't always use - and if it's going good, you don't stop for that little twinge that's later going to turn into a flare.

We really ought to stretch before having sex...

Yeah, that's it... A new kind of foreplay... Sexy tai chi.

fibonae 09/09/2009

I have the same problem! My hubby and I talk about it. There are times he wants it and then thier are times I want it. Not to be crude but there are other ways to make him happy. or should I say to please one another. I have chronic Pelvic Pain so we had to learn diffrent ways. Laying side by side doesn't hurt that much. But what ever you do don't hide your pain from him. Be honest with one another. Sorry if this was crude, but I didn't mean it to be.

deleted_user 09/09/2009

LOL I may have to try this sexy tai chi. That could be your money maker! Sexy Tai Chi DVD's!

deleted_user 09/10/2009

thanks for your response on my fibro sex post
And thank you for writing this
I'm sorry it's so hard for you and your husband
I worry about this happening to me only my bf doesn't have a pain disorder and really doesn't know how painful fms is
I'm going to try it, I haven't told him that yet though... In case I chicken out plus I'm gonna do what was recommended to me which is prepare for the worst afterwards... Gonna do it when I have a few days off work and have a few days food ready so if it turns out to be super painful, at least I'll be able to rest a few days
I agree with the others that you should look into alternative methods for pleasing eachother... I don't know if you live in or around a big city, but maybe try going to a sex shop and asking some advice of the people who work there... It's embarrassing, but I did that a couple years ago because my meds made me feel nearly numb down there and the people that worked in the shop were really helpful with suggestions and didn't seem thrown by my questions at all... Walking in there was the hardest part because I'm so shy, but once I started talking to the staff, they made me feel so comfortable
If you don't live where this is an option, I'm sure there's gotta be some online shops that have q&a by email or message board
I hope that helps
Good luck and let us know if you find things that help, this seems to be a very common struggle for us

deleted_user 09/10/2009

Gee I posted on this but it didn't show up. Will try again. First it is important that we have our hormone levels checked!!! because of the pain we have they are often out of whack. Sometimes it is better to pick a time other than bedtime when you have fought off pain all day and just want to sleep. Afternoons or mid mornings I found the best. Also use a a lubricant for moisture. Hugs marilyn

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