Luna

I'm so sorry that you are struggling thru this relationship. Have you sat down with him and fully explained to him how you are feeling? If not, please do. You need to know if he is in for the long haul if you are planning to have a family.

My fibro has affected many of my relationships. I got married and had a son when I was 21. But it didn't last because it was a toxic relationship. It took me until I was 45 to find the man I love.

Gentle hugs

One thing that's important to consider is whether the pain is worth what you're getting from both the relationship, and any activities associated with it.

It's sometimes hard to accept, but in order to have any sort of meaningful life, we often have to accept that there is a cost associated with many things we enjoy doing.

Speaking only for myself, I only get one life, and I'm not going to stop living it. I did for a while, and the cost of NOT living was more than I could deal with.

Peace speaks for me. I hurt 24/7 from my injured hip, ignoring all FM stuff, soooo.... I fi live to accommodate my pain, I may as well not get outta bed. And that ain't happening. Still butterflies to watch and sunrises to see and so on....

Also, have him read Fibro for Dummies. Seriously, that's a really good resource, and it may help him. (If he hasn't read it already.)

Maybe you guys can find some fun / enjoyable activities that don't require as much energy? And mix it up a little so you're not ALWAYS having to recover so much. When my husband and I were dating and during the 1st yr of our marriage we often played board games (ex: battle ship)... and these days when we hang out most of the time we watch movies at home. Every couple weeks we will go to the beach together for a short swim (I go to the beach my self at least once a week while he's at work) and about once a month we'll actually drive either down town or to the other side of the island for an event / activity (ex: pot luck, catamaran cruise in Waikiki -which doesn't require much physical activity, but fun!).

Btw, hiding your misery or how you feel that day will not help. Then he will always expect you to be able to do the same level of activity you did the previous day / week because you forced your self and he didn't know. Try to be as real as possible with him. It makes things easier, trust me.

And you can't really make someone *completely* understand what you are going through. Only you walk in your shoes. Nobody else.
When my husband and I met, I was having the best year out of like 10 fibro 10 yrs. I had energy, my pain was low. It was incredible! I was even able to go on a short hike that year. But it seems no matter how much I explain to my husband (boyfriend at the time) that this may not last who knows, it went in one ear and out the other him. Anyway, till this day, my husband, who is generally supportive and sweet, will make references to that year and how I hiked. He says things like, "I know you can do it... if you really try, you CAN! I've seen you do it. You hiked that one time! You can do it again!"

Regardless, you deserve love no matter what's going on in your life. So don't sell your self short. You may have to get creative in making it work, but don't give up.

I'm married 50 years this labor day. Can't believe we've made it so far. My illness changed everything. I could no longer earn, work with my husband, look good, take aerobic work outs, etc. Very limiting, this fibro. Still, as Peace says, you can't let it take over all your life. I still go to classes, (comm. college)., and take Pilates, now that I cannot do aerobic.

Luckily, my husband is very cooperative and helps out with shopping and cooking, or I would never get out of the house at all. Any relationship takes a lot, it better be worth it. I think Love is worth almost anything, myself. Hoping you'll feel better, and balance needs vs. wants. Love, abby

Being honest doesn't always work but it is the best you can offer. My best friend still seems to get into competitions with me about who is more tired or who has the most hurts. Fibro isn't about pity or who is worse off. It's hard to explain to people who don't know what it's like. They just can't understand.

Dear Luna

I can so relate to your post as I was also single and dating (post-divorce) in the period when I was diagnosed with Fibro. I know I managed to hide it from people I was casually dating and they didnt know how I would crash into bed for 2 days after a night out or how exhausted I was. When I met my long term partner 19 months ago, it was tricky. Once we became serious and started spending more time together I had to explain about the Fibro, but I know for a fact I downplayed it and pushed myself to do activities and keep up with him because I didnt want to scare him off. The things we do..
I think the longer you leave it before saying anything, the harder it is. Easiest way may be to show him some books or websites to learn about the condition. Also, as others have said, you have good periods and bad periods, so it can confuse those close to us. I was surprised how compassionate and caring my partner was when I explained what Fibro is. Cant say its always been easy and plain sailing since then, and sometimes he gets frustrated and impatient, but then I just remind him that we all have our health issues (he has back problems and migraines) and challenges in life and that relationships are about being there for each other . I wish you the best of luck with this and hope all works out well.