(((((Sherry))))))

I am so sorry. This makes me sad for you.

Hi Sherry, I'm sooooo sorry, but i'm sure you did the best that you could!

I'm sure my kids blame a lot of things on me, cause of my illnesses. I couldn't even throw any of my kids a graduation party. We do the best we can!

hugs nae'

Hi Sherry

I am so sorry to hear this. But I just want to say that I think you are a wonderful mother to your daughter. Lots of hugs Dezna

At 18 alot of kids like to blame their parents for everything thats wrong in their world. I'm a stepmom and my boys are 16, 18, and 21. The last couple of years has been hell. They go out and make stupid choices and some how it's my fault. Especially when I think they should take their own consequences because they keep making the "same" type of crappy choices. The boys all lived with us full-time when they were younger. Even with my health issues I always put them first! Baked for every school party, bake sale, etc. Took part in all school activities, field trips, participaction day, etc... To the point the school offered me a job, which I declined. We went to church as a family. They had home cooked meals, and sleepovers with their friends. For birthdays they would have sleepovers with multiple friends, homemade pizzas, snacks, video games, and homemade waffle with icecream and fruit for breakfast. Does this sound like I was the "Evil Stepmother"? But now because I won't and can't tolerate the stress brought on by the stupid choices they make and they refuse to take consequences, it's apparently all my fault. This to shall pass. One day when they mature and come into their own they will realize there is no such thing as a perfect parent, healthy or not. All you can do is give them all the love you can and do the best you can with what God gave you. Hang in there and big hugs. (((((((HUGS)))))

Hey azSherry, what carwrite just said is the truth. More times than not at that age it's amounts to that push they need out of the nest and the realization of who they are becoming. Some get it right away and after a few stupid stunts, understand. Others it takes alot longer, and others may not get it at all and will not only blame you but everything else too. You Just keep on loving them, perhaps it was her way of expressing anger towards the illness, not really at you. Peace and love to you dear.

Az. I agree with Carwrtie & arizonia..Sounds like miss placed anger to me too.. Anger at your illness not really you..I guarentee you when she becomes a Mom, she will realize all you did for her. Remember being a parent doesn't come with a hand book. If you know you did the best you could with all that was given to you then ,please don't get down to much..I know it's hard ..My Mom used to say," When their little they step on your feet, when their big they step on your hesrts..No truer words where ever spoken!!! You just come here to vent and share anytime you want!!! Hope things get better for you soon...Soft Angel Hugs...Hinlky

i said many things to my mother that were very hurtful, and at the time i ment every word i said.fast forward to 25 after i was in the real world and everything changed.i found out how easy it is to make mistakes.how you can't or don't always do things the way you intended to.how hard it is to do everything that everyone wants you to.she will learn that everyone falls short of perfect.when she falls short and you are still there to catch her,she'll begin to understand how strong,and valuble a mothers love is.18 is also when we feel old enough to not listen to parents,sometimes they go about proving that they are adults to people that veiw them as children by pushing for space. i wish you luck,and if it makes you feel better my mom and i are very close now,and our past mistakes are not an issue.
andy

My heart goes out to you. Warm gentle hugs AZ. I am moving to AZ soon and would be happy to have coffee or tea with you :) Really, I have kids who have said the same thing, and they are just venting. And I too cry my eyes out. It hurts. But then I realize they were just venting...because my friends here tell me so :) Love and hugs and hang tough sweetheart, Eva

There are no perfect parents, only parents with perfect intentions! You do the best you can with what you've got!

Big hugs, Donna

~~Sherry~~
I can really hear your pain and am so sorry your daughter feels that way about her loving mother!! I think it would be safe to say that after she's had a few more years of living and life experiences she will see her mom in a whole different light!
~~Don't give up~~This too can change~~

Hugs,
Colleen

My daughter is 32 and understanding most of the time but her fifteen year old daughter, the love of my life, doesn't enjoy staying with me and doing things with me as much. She has lived with me off and on her whole life. We have always done fun things together, like shopping, going out to eat, traveling, swimming, etc. I have supported her financially all of her life. I can't walk and shop as long anymore. For the last year I have had excruciating pain in my feet and just found out I have arthritis to top off the fibro, etc. That makes shopping for clothes tough. She is aware of my condition but doesn't really understand or just pretends it isn't so.
I am a Child Development Specialist so I used some of my training to help me come to grips. Most 15 yr.old girls don't like hanging around adults (I'm 60) anyway. They go through a stage where they don't appreciate others, prefer to hang out with friends, become secretive, go boy-crazy, etc.
At 18, your daughter feels bad for you but probably doesn't really understand or want to understand. (because it affects her life,too.) .Let her know that you are sad they she is disappointed and that none of this (is in your mind) You are also disappointed that this has happened to you.If you haven't already done so, have her read a brief summary about our illness, the symptoms, the cause, and coping skills. It sure helped my my daughter and husband understand. Goo luck and keep your chin up!!

Thanks to all you wonderful people. I appreciate the support, the sharing and the advice. I will tell you that she refuses to read anything I have printed on Fibro, DDD, DJD and the rest of the health junk/pain I have going on. She believes I am a fake and gave up on life( she told me the latter with a few tears). She has not lived with me supporting her since she was 15 because of my disabilities and the stinking gov't denying me Disability pay forever now. She has l lived with her grandparents but has been in my life closely. She quit school at 16, got her GED and started a massage therapy school at 17 which she graduates from in a couple weeks and now is 18. She has worked fulltime while going to school and lived in an apartment with her grandpa(who moved and rented it so she would have a place to live while a student), she is well aware of the demands of adulthood but I believe she is actually ashamed of me. It's just too obvious. Your words have been a great comfort. :)

Thank you,
Sherry

Sorry that your heart is breaking. I don't have any children but, I too can remember saying horrible things to my parents when I was not yet 20. Fully regretted and apoligized profusely later for them. There is so much confusion and frustration at that age. Broken is right - give it time, it can change. Probably, it will.
Know that you did your best, and if her expectations were not met, then it is on HER, not on you.
My heart goes out.....
~Marie

Hi Sherry, I understand how you feel. I also was a loving, single mother. My kids always came first. My youngest was 10 when I was diagnosed. She used to write me letters, telling me how much she loved me and how she wished I felt better. Then she started writing letters telling me that she wished I could play ball with her again etc.. etc... I felt so bad that I couldn't do those things anymore. But, honestly, looking back, I did the best I could. I did the things that I could with her. And, I loved her with everything I had in me. I still do. She has to have a bone marrow transplant this fall and I will be there for her more than ever in her life. I am sure she will really appreciate me at some point in her life then. She is only 15 now. She really doesn't get it yet. My oldest is 21. She has come around alot since becoming a little older. Hang in there, it will come together.

Can not add much to all the good replies already spoken here.... I too believe as your daughter gets older and has her own family and life experiences she will see things differently but know how much the comment had to hurt your feelings. Although I was never a single parent I know others who are and being a single parent even when you are healthy is no easy task. Sending some soft tissues to dry your tears.

take care gentle hugs