Female Sexual Issues Support Group
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or couple from enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction disorders are generally classified into four categories: sexual desire disorders, sexual arousal disorders, orgasm disorders, and sexual...
I've got a few older male friends who's wives don't want to have sex anymore. It's started me thinking a lot about reasons we don't want sex, and I'm slightly worried about whether I'll still be interested when I'm older.
Some reasons I've found for myself are:
1. Sometimes too much pleasure can be overwhelming and make you feel really disintegrated and weird for ages afterwards. (No, this is not a good excuse for men to stop giving me pleasure, or for me to deprive myself of it)
2. Sometimes if you're pressured into it, it just feels like it's for your partner and nothing to do with you. So you just sort of withdraw and stop feeling anything
3. Shame. Sometimes a body or discharge change, like you suddenly start needing lube but you don't want them to find out 'something is wrong with you'. Or you think its 'unseemly' to be having too much fun,
4. Competition- like if he works with very attractive women, or had an awesome ex, you just feel like you can't compete with that and don't want him to see you anymore. Like you don't want to loose.
5. It can free a lot of emotions you've been trying to hold in and that can be hard to deal with. Sometimes you avoid sex to avoid having to feel any of the other things.
6. You've got a crush on another person and worried you'll accidently go saying the wrong name.
7. They tell their friends about your sex life, and then you feel violated and it's not necessarily that you don't want sex with your partner, but you refuse it because you don't want his friends involved- thinking about you that way and knowing such private things about you.
8. You're really tired (although not necessarily, I've fallen asleep in the middle of sex and that was quite nice. My partner fell asleep also) maybe that applies only if it's emotionally demanding?
9. Your partner always wants it his way, or assumes that sex is mostly for men and that you're not truly interested. It doesn't leave a lot of room for your own sexuality.
10. After sex you get a lot of 'flashbacks' of the sex, and if you're doing something like taking care of kids, or taking old men to the bathroom, stuff like that.. it can make you feel really awkward and/or guilty/anxious etc.
I'm sure there are tonnes more, I'd love to hear what other people have to say. Also I wonder why women who are capable of so much physical pleasure are willing to just let that all go?? No judgement either way. I've had times of plenty and times when I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I think underneath all our excuses there is a lot of really interesting stuff to be talked about.
Some reasons I've found for myself are:
1. Sometimes too much pleasure can be overwhelming and make you feel really disintegrated and weird for ages afterwards. (No, this is not a good excuse for men to stop giving me pleasure, or for me to deprive myself of it)
2. Sometimes if you're pressured into it, it just feels like it's for your partner and nothing to do with you. So you just sort of withdraw and stop feeling anything
3. Shame. Sometimes a body or discharge change, like you suddenly start needing lube but you don't want them to find out 'something is wrong with you'. Or you think its 'unseemly' to be having too much fun,
4. Competition- like if he works with very attractive women, or had an awesome ex, you just feel like you can't compete with that and don't want him to see you anymore. Like you don't want to loose.
5. It can free a lot of emotions you've been trying to hold in and that can be hard to deal with. Sometimes you avoid sex to avoid having to feel any of the other things.
6. You've got a crush on another person and worried you'll accidently go saying the wrong name.
7. They tell their friends about your sex life, and then you feel violated and it's not necessarily that you don't want sex with your partner, but you refuse it because you don't want his friends involved- thinking about you that way and knowing such private things about you.
8. You're really tired (although not necessarily, I've fallen asleep in the middle of sex and that was quite nice. My partner fell asleep also) maybe that applies only if it's emotionally demanding?
9. Your partner always wants it his way, or assumes that sex is mostly for men and that you're not truly interested. It doesn't leave a lot of room for your own sexuality.
10. After sex you get a lot of 'flashbacks' of the sex, and if you're doing something like taking care of kids, or taking old men to the bathroom, stuff like that.. it can make you feel really awkward and/or guilty/anxious etc.
I'm sure there are tonnes more, I'd love to hear what other people have to say. Also I wonder why women who are capable of so much physical pleasure are willing to just let that all go?? No judgement either way. I've had times of plenty and times when I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I think underneath all our excuses there is a lot of really interesting stuff to be talked about.
We didn't have time for each other.
Women need to feel a strong emotional connection, we need to feel the spark, the chemistry.
If you have just argued with a spouse, he may still be fine for sex.. Me, no way.
Keep the connection. You keep the connection through strong communication skills.