Hard to follow up after Hypno's post: but I have a few things to add.
1st. Congratulations on losing the weight

2nd. Hypontherapist was blunt but accurate.

3rd. Why do you still live with your children's father if you are not romantic and have not had sex in 11years?? I'm all about doing what is best for the kids, but is this really healthy?

4th. Do you really want to be a DOM? Maybe you need to focus on loving yourself in a healthy way and figuring out what kind of man you may want to have romantically in your life.

5th. Do you realize how easy it is once you post something on the internet for people to REPOST? Think about that before you keep chatting these men up, and oh yeah serial killers, rapists, and overall evil does exist. You may find a really great guy online, but you need to be super careful and take precautions.

6th. This behavior is in the long run going to make you feel horrible about yourself and put your self esteem in the gutter. I know from personal experience. I just got out of an almost 2 year online extra-marital affair with a man, and trust me I am broken down to the core with shame of my behavior. I didn't do what you have been doing with tons of guys but that doesn't matter the effect any different, it is still the same!

7. You do not want to loose the love and respect of your children.

8.I would seriously advise you to seek therapy. I do not think you have resolved what ever is going on mentally in your head previous to the weight loss.

I wish you the best of luck...get healthy mentally now that you are healthier physically.

Thanks and it all is true....

Im still having thoughts about the guy I liked- but yes, I think of my kids faces and what I already have done to one of them and I feel guilt.

The live in arrangement with their father has been a 20 year "investment" that is on the verge of paying off. It may sound bad but I went through years of verbal abuse when I was fat. I even get it now after the weight loss becase of a little loose skin and stretchmarks (he says "just take your clothes off for a man, he will throw up") I worked while he didnt several times and I feel I should be rewarded for all these years.

I think part of the reason I did what I did was a result of a need for SOME kind of affection and attention and need to feel accepted.

I go to the DR Friday morning and am going to see if there is therapy available for my issues.

I have a different spin on this. I was the un attractive one in the relationship. I had the pot belly and skinny arms.
One day I started working out. My body shape changed. After a year I had 17 inch biceps a 32 inch waist. My self esteem was raised. Then my gf started having problems with me. I loved her .. But out grew her. She could not handle my new success. But I could. I moved on.
Mayb you are outgrowing your situation.

Sometimes when people are manic, they act and feel in ways similar to what you write. Be careful.

I have thought long and hard about replying to this and I think you need to hear this. I had an addiction to self harming I could not go a day with out cutting. You are probably thinking this is nothing like my addiction but it is. Addictive behaviour is all the same apart from there are different types. Is it going to come to the point were something goes terribly wrong for you to realize this is not good for you. I self harmed at work and had to go to hospital. I had to go back to work with people whispering behind my back. I was not even trusted to go to the toilet on my own. I went through the shame of that for over 2 years. Only now people are starting to realize I am getting better. I am telling you this before something really bad happens and you have to go through what I went through. Have you even thought about it properly one day you could be walking down the road with your boy and one of these online men bump into. What will you do? Once you have finished showing things to these men and then turn off the computer. They have already forgotten your name. They do not care about who you are as a person. I know you are on your own once you have shut down the computer and you feel bad. But there is a child in the other room who adores you. Spend time with him. I bet the feeling you get from your son will be better. Have you thought about starting a group in your community for women who want to lose weight and empower themselves. You could show them how you lost weight. Also to be kind to themselves and help them grow in confidence. To loose that weight took determination and drive use that to start a group. I am not going to lie giving up my self harming was hard and yes had some times when I think I need it. But really I do not need it. I stopped self harming nearly 3 years ago. One benefit to stopping is now I am a very proud god mother to a little girl. All that determination and drive I had to cut. I am now putting in to that little girl making sure she has a great life. I would not of had that chance if I still cut. What are you going to do with your determination and drive?

I know I sound harsh but I have been there with addiction and shame and it is a difficult thing to go through. I would not wish what I went through on any body. I have told you what happened to me to hopefully make you realise you have to stop for yourself and your family.

I have had a similar experience to yours. IF you ever lapse back into this pattern of behavior and give in to your impulses, you MUST keep your identity a secret. It may be too late now, but if you EVER show photos or video of yourself to strangers, block out your face in the photos and if you go on webcam, wear a mask or keep your face otherwise concealed. (They're not masturbating to your face anyway).
The point is, you never know what position you'll be in someday where you could be humiliated if these photos and videos get out and can be identified as you.