Female Sexual Issues Support Group
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or couple from enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction disorders are generally classified into four categories: sexual desire disorders, sexual arousal disorders, orgasm disorders, and sexual...
I am 35 years old. I have been with my now husband for 16 years married 6. I have a 20 month old daughter. I feel like I have had NO sex drive 95% of time for at least a decade. I am at the point where I literally could care less if I have sex or not. I work pt night so I can raise my lil girl during the day. I would rather come home, take care of her and when shes in bed watch tv and that is it. If my husband even remotely makes any "MOVES" that I know are his asking for sex my skin crawls. I just don't want to have sex. I am on paxil and I am on Ativan for depression and insomnia. I have had insomnia for probably as long as I can recall. Depression comes and goes. I ponder if I still am IN LOVE with my husband. I know I love him and don't want to get a divorce but I feel like he is just like my friend sometimes that you think I cant even think of having sex with. Is this hormonal, just too long together, life? I am half tempted to see if I get interested in sex around another attractive guy to see if I function that way. Am I alone?
I would advise against seeing another man, unless your husband okay'ed the act. If he finds out and he was not agreeable to the idea or even aware, the prospect of being physically intimate with people might become even more terrifying as it could trigger strong emotions down the road.
If you could, I would see about talking to a therapist or even a sexual therapist and try to understand your symptoms from a professional point of view.
I totally feel your pain. I have been in relationships where my sex drive went stale, and I too thought that a new lover would reawaken it. Of course it's tempting, novelty is always exciting, but being married you don't have that option.
My personal journey has shown me that "bed death" can be the end of a relationship. Not that there aren't plenty of other reasons to love someone, but physical chemistry can be the glue that keeps couples together when the other stuff isn't working (not to say that sexual compatibility is the only type that matters!)
However I think people don't like to admit how important it is. I have personally dated people I wasn't attracted to, because I loved them. This sounds like a noble and virtuous thing. But the fact was once the novelty and the emotional rush wore off, my vagina was kind of neutral about them. This is tragic because as much as I loved them i coudln't be the partner they needed!
So yes, sexual compatibility is a thing. The good news is that if you have what you consider genuine attraction to your partner it cna ALWAYS be reawakened. Just as surely as it can be killed.
In most cases my sex drive went stale because once it dwindles, it's a slippery slope. Unfortunately pressure to perform is the death of a sex drive! So if there is anything your partner can do for you it is to NOT APPLY PRESSURE.
That is all.
I wonder if your medications could contribute to your feelings. Have you asked a doctor if low sex drive is a side effect of anything you're taking?
Hope things start to look up for you.