Female Sexual Issues Support Group
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or couple from enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction disorders are generally classified into four categories: sexual desire disorders, sexual arousal disorders, orgasm disorders, and sexual...
I don't want sex and I don't really like being touched. I have been with my partner for over 7 years. I love him and feel attracted to him but I don't want to have sex or be touched or to do anything sexual very much. I do try for him because I love him and he is so understanding of me. But I want to want it. This problem has slowly been getting worse for years. I even started getting drunk at least once a week because it was helping me to be more sexual and carefree. Mainly because I felt numb. It's like Im too over sensitive and drinking numbs my senses. But even drinking isnt helping in the way as it was, its like Im getting used to that too. I know this isn't healthy but my lack of desire puts a big strain on our relationship. I try to explain that it's not him and it's not that I dont love him because I do. Its just me. But I feel so guilty for not being able to give him what he deserves. I normal sexual relationship. He give me so much.
I suffer from depression so I guess this has something to do with it. Does anyone else have this problem or have any advice? Please help.
I suffer from depression so I guess this has something to do with it. Does anyone else have this problem or have any advice? Please help.
I've never been a very sexual person, but about three months after I started dating my now husband, my sex drive completely disappeared. I still liked the cuddling, but was hesitant to do it because I knew he would want it to lead to sex. There were times where we would go for weeks without sex. He was always very patient and understanding, but I couldn't help but feel guilty for not giving him what he wanted.
My best advice is to begin couples counseling. Your therapist will be able to explain to your boyfriend that the problem is fairly common among women and has nothing to do with him (sometimes it's easier to believe an outside source versus someone who loves you). The therapist will also be able to work with you regarding any underlying issues that may be attributing to the problem. I'd also recommend you talk to your doctor regarding the possible sexual side effects of any medication you may be taking, including anti-depressants and birth control.
What really worked for me in the end was couples therapy and a change in my medication. My sex drive isn't raging now, but it's definitely better. What's good is that you want to WANT to have sex. That says you haven't given up. Good luck.
One thing that can help is sensate focus. The idea is to say, right, we're *not* having sex. Instead, we'll start to build up intimacy in progressive stages, starting with only touching the visible areas then increasing the "permitted" contact in stages. Google it for more information. There is a lot of information out there and different "versions": pick one that suits you.
Talking with a therapist, either as a couple or personally, can help too.
BUT..I am on many different meds and there are some with bad sexual side effects. If you are not on any maybe you need to have a hormone test. Also, try watching porn, nothing hardcore, maybe late night Cinemax, erotic thrillers, 9 1/2 weeks is a great movie. Also, the internet is a whole world of information for you to explore.
1. I'm going to be a little sexually frustrated sometimes (I do it almost everyday)
2. I've just fallen a little more in love with him.
I felt sure that we could work it out though. Obviously he does WANT it more than once a week, and we both have had about 20 years of practice in controlling our libido.
Our relationship went really fast. I thought, "I don't care. I will never regret something done out of love." That's still true, I will never regret anything we have done together.
The problem is that now he wants it more often than I eat everyday. I thought my sex drive was too big. Now I find out that it isn't.
When I say no to sex he tries so hard to just except it, to be understanding, but I can still tell he is disappointed. It ends up making the mood sad, not romantic, which does not exactly rev up my libido.
We end up fighting every time I say no to sex. Sometimes I feel like I only had sex with him so we won't fight. That thought makes me feel depressed.
He knows how I feel, I know how he feels, were both trying. But sometimes trying isn't enough, and we just end up fighting even more. I feel helpless.
Yes, I'm on depression med.s and birth control. (but, as embarrassing as it is to admit, that didn't stop me from needing to masturbate every day before).
Also, I'm not sure if he understands that it's not him. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Maybe he understands with his head, but not his heart.