It sounds like you need some therapy/counseling to deal with the old abuse. EMDR is a new-ish therapy and seems to be both quick and effective. Someone in your area should be familiar with it.

You may also need to learn some relaxation/grounding techniques to sort of clear your head beforehand.

Richard, is there a better forum on DS to ask these kind of questions? I know you from the emotional abuse group...usually there you get a lot more responses. Here you are the only one that answered and I really wanted to hear some answers from girls as well.
And, as far as therapy, been there. Now it is just whether I can heal. Honestly, I doubt that I will ever be in love with my husband again, but, based on how people usually are, that doesn't have to mean that we reached the end to our sex-life. Right?

might try HEALTHY SEX here, and either repost the Q or message people who have answers that interest you on other Qs. That's how I figure out who to ask computer and car questions here. :) But HEALTHY SEX seems to be one of the most active groups here.

YAHOO ANSWERS used to be very good in most things, depending on who logged in that day. Might try there?

Hi I am new to the group and I was reading your post. I have been in a similar situation and have found myself feeling some of the feelings that you currently demonstrate. My abuse was mostly emotional with some pushing and serious threats of harm over the years. During this process I actually thought about leaving my spouse and actually found someone else to go to. Yes, I committed adultery. I don't feel good about what I did, but I too had to ask for forgiveness for what I did from God and I had to ask God to help me forgive him for all of the damage that he caused that actually hardened my heart towards him in that way. So what I found that I had to do to get things back on the right track was to change my thought processing towards him and how I felt every time he touched me. Most of it is all about how we are processing the experience. If you reconciled with your husband that means you still have something inside besides the kids that's keeping you there. You just have to tap into it.

Try listing your pros and cons.
Then focusing on the positive. Before I go on....what are your religious beliefs?

Needsomething, try checking out the emotional and physical abusive support group, I think you would benefit from it.
I'm not affiliated with any organized religion, but I believe in a conscious creator. I also believe that the many religions, beliefs, myths that exist describe the same Deity in terms that people in that area can comprehend. I certainly think that making the connection with (the living!) Jesus Christ is the supersonic fastest and easiest way to get in touch with the Source, but I feel that many scriptural writings we have, again, are influenced by the current understanding of those who recorded them. I do not believe in our natural state being sinful and carnal, but the opposite. We all possess the spiritual seed of God, hence, if we look deeper within, we should find our beloved Creator there. Therefore perfection is not be found outside, but within us, after all other layers are removed.

The reason I asked if you believe is because there is a book entitled "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace which aided me in getting back on the right track after going through what I went through. Its all about changing our mindset and how we view things. Unfortunately all we can change is our response to the situation. It covers four main areas that we as wives have to contend with from a biblical perspective. 1. a wife's understanding, 2. a wife's responsibility, 3. a wife's submission, and 4. a wife's special concerns. Each have six subtopics include. A great read. I paid $13 for it and refer wives to it all the time. You can take it and apply it as your spirit moves you to.

Thanks for the suggestion. I will check out the other group, once I figure how to join a group...lol.

I hope the book helps.

The burner is hot. it burns I know that I won't let it hurt me again.
hurt is stressful.
Stress is hurtful.
I don't know of anybody that wants to have sex with a mate that emotionally hurt them.
Nor do I know of anybody that up to having sex with their enemy.
Bake claim doesn't always open, lol
People use their children as their excuse for staying married with an abuser. those people are teaching their daughter there place and teaching son that it is man right to control woman.
People do not half to stay together for the children to have a family under the same roof. That is protecting mental wll being of children and their standing in a relationship.Thier place in their whole life. Such teach their children to be sexist. And people wonder reason that woman don't get paid the same as men that has same job. should I go on.
woman don't need a man to make them a whole person.
2 halfs don't make a whole person.
anywhoo
I personally would seek medical assistance and if Im lucky the doctor will get along with my children, wink wink.
Thanks for shareing.

Yes I think you need a consult from expert. After marriage sex is being good media for generate love with life partner. You should try it with your partner. During the initiate time my husband is using sex toys that are ordered from an online store as colorsandtoys.ca for make our sexual relationship well.

RoseHipCreek. I find your post very intriguing. I guess the interesting thing is your desire to have sex when in love. It makes sense. I guess I question my motivation for sex. I guess for me, it can take many different paths. I find sex physically pleasureable. I also find touching and I guess a lack of a better term "absorbing" myself with a woman. There is a comfort and a sense of calm and relaxation that occurs for me when having sex. In essence, just connecting with someone, touching them, kissing them. There is an energy being transferred between the two of you. So I like sex in all scenarios. I don't have to be in love to have sex with someone. But in all scenarios, it has to be "caring" and pleasant and physically pleasurable. Now I also know what it is like to have sex with someone you love. It strengthens a bond and the sex becomes awesome.

I feel like kissing can be better than sex sometimes. It is deeply emotional. It's very loving. Holding and hugging is great too. Perhaps, you and your husband can practice holding, kissing and hugging. Feel the caring nature of him. Practice holding him and kissing him and be caring in the way you do it. You don't even have to have sex. Just hold, kiss and hug one another. Practice love touching and holding. Perhaps, that will help you fall in love with him again.

Yes I think you need a consult from expert. sex is the important part of every human being. So You should have knowledge on it. During the initiate time i used sex toys that are ordered from an online store as pleasureplayz.com for make our sexual relationship well and happy!!!

I don't enjoy sex without the emotional and mental connection to the person... unless I am intoxicated haha.

I recommend some counselling... and to explore Emotion Focused Therapy for Couples.