Female Sexual Issues Support Group
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or couple from enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction disorders are generally classified into four categories: sexual desire disorders, sexual arousal disorders, orgasm disorders, and sexual...
First let me start by saying that this has been an on going issue for quite some time. DH and I had a pretty fun normal sex life when we first started dating but things fizzled out pretty quickly. The sex we had was for the most part (not always) pretty vanilla (missionary position 80% of the time with lights off) which was boring AF for me. Also almost no foreplay. He went on a mission 1 time years ago to get me off by stimulating my clitoris and this was my first and only orgasm by him and pretty much the most foreplay we've ever had (We've been together a total of 13 years). There were times when I was super horny and wanted to have sex but DH wasn't interested. I felt so hurt and frustrated. My whole life my mom brainwashed me into thinking all men were sex crazed pigs yet the guy I was with could't be further from the truth. In those 13 years we had kids which of course puts a blimp in the sex department temporarly but I am just so sick of it. We both masterbate and watch porn (separately), something we're open about. I've had to buy all kinds of sex toys to get through this. And have had many talks and discussions asking how we can fix this and how it was making me un-happy. He never really seems to have answers for me just says we have to make time for it which is the worst, anytime I try to be spontaneous he puts me down, I offer hand jobs and blow jobs and he looks so un-comfortable with the idea. I am just scratching my head. Him cheating is not even a possibly. We are definitely busy people but not dead. The other part I find hard is that his appearance has changed over the years, I know this sounds shallow but I don't find myself attracted to him most the time. I make a lot of effort to look good but for him it's not a major priority. I love him more then life, he's my best friend an amazing father and I want to grow old with him but sex is such an important part of a relationship I don't know what to do. In a perfect world I could just sleep with other people like I am going for a mani/pedi and come home like it's nothing but I know its not that easy. What would you do?
We did counselling. Porn was eliminated because it really can effect libido, tolerance, etc. Also, if something if on his mind then it affects things. And it is important to just just take time and be in the moment together without expectations or anticipating sex. I am not sure what else to add. It is important to rule out anything medical (low testosterone, impotence, etc) However, if he is doing okay with porn then he is doing okay. What sort of porn is he watching? Could he be gay? I would explore everything that is happening or could be happening. But yes, a therapist would be a good idea.