I guess I feel alone because I'm not surrounded by a loving and affectionate family. My family is pretty dysfunctional, so there are times where I just want to drown my sorrows in tears. Sure my friends act as my substitute family, but that's not enough. There are times where I wish my mom actually gave a crap about me, and that my father actually wants to be a part of my life. I wish that my grandmother cared about me, and that my aunts and uncles, all of my extended family actually cared about my existence. To be honest, I lost the closet thing to family three years ago. My guinea pig Marshball. She was my world. :( I miss her everyday.

HELLO SO SORRY YOU ARE FEELING SO ALONE, PLEASE SHARE, WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY, HAVE YOU SHARED YOUR FEELING, THAT IT HURTS NOT TO FEEL LOVED , SPEAK TO YOUR MUM, TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL AND GRANDMOTHER, TRY TO GET CLOSE TO THEM, YOU ARE PRECIOUS AND THEY ARE SAD NOT TO CARE FOR YOU, SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR PET, YES IT IS SAD AND WE MISS THEM, MAYBE YOU COULD GET A SMALL DOG TO KEEP YOU COMPANY, HOPE THINGS GET BETTER, LOVE LUCY'''

I don't think there has been a day I didn't feel alone since my grandmother passed away over 20 years ago...and even then there was only so much she could do about anything in my life. She tried but it wasn't her burden to bare and me loving her the way I did, was always worried more about her health than my own issues. She was the light in my days and the only reason I ever had to smile. When she passed I was so hurt and angry that I was in denial for such a long time about her passing. I closed myself off from the world. That wasn't too hard because my family wasn't the most supportive and actually the complete opposite. I went into so many abusive relationships assuming that this was the way to feel acceptance and loved, only to become belittled even worse and abused and feeling even more useless than before.

I tried so hard for so many years to make things right with my family...but that was a joke in itself. Instead I am left with a mother who was a raging alcoholic and was never home, a father who refused to have any type of relationship with me whatsoever, a sister who treated me like garbage and a brother who made me feel so stupid, it amazes me that I ever tried anything at all. Still, I tried over and over to love these people that should have loved me, yet never did. Why? what did i ever do to any of them? Nothing, not one thing!!! My mom and dad were divorced when I was 5. So I had the pleasure of raising my sister and brother at the age of 5! It makes me so sick just thinking about it... My dad came to pick up my sister and brother on the weekends and leave me there with my mom. Why? I will never understand what I ever did to deserve this treatment from any of them.

Here I am 44 years old still asking why? When will I ever have any peace from this crap? My mom blamed me for everything...I'm the reason she drank, why she got divorced? Really? According to her she caught my dad molesting me and she left him. So because of this I have to pay for it? Why not put me up for adoption? Instead of loving me you tortured me, all of you! I never got to go hang out with friends, I barely had any friends. I was too freaking busy cleaning and cooking to have fun. but my sister and brother can do as they please? God must have thought I was so strong to endure what I have. I never got to be a kid, so now I have to feel like a deprived child at the age of 44. I hate this! And here I sit crying and pouring out my heart to a bunch of strangers because you couldn't finish what you started...Why did you even have me?

Why do I feel so alone? I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that I have nobody. My so called friends don't come around because I am too grown up to want to party all the time, and in relationships I am too much of an adult. I can't win...I have 2 children, 1 girl who barely talks to me...and a son who hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me. Why? Because i was so messed up in my head when I had my children I was petrified I was going to hurt my children as my mother did me that I gave custody to the father...I wanted my children to have what I never did and have a chance at a happy life and now they hate me for it. My life has been one nightmare after another and finally now at the age of 44 I decide to live my life for me instead of everyone else and it dawns on me that there is nobody else. I have scared everyone away. I don't know why I bother...

It would be nice if someone just cared...I mean really cared. there are so many fake people in this world it's disturbing. I'm sorry I went into a rampage on your discussion, I guess I should get out more or vent more. But thats just it, I don't get out more...I have trust issues like you wouldn't believe and I don't want to. I'm not a horrible person, just badly damaged. And all I want is for someone to hear me and realize that I have feelings and a heart as big as the world, and I'm so tired of feeling alone. I don't want to, I want to see the world, I want to see my grandchildren (4), I want to have a life. I need someone to give me a reason to make it happen, because right now...although I want all of these things, i can't find a reason to make them become a reality. :(

HELLO WELCOME , YOU SUFFERED SUCH ABUSE, STILL YOU ARE A SURVIVOR, YOUR PARENTS ARE A REAL TREAT, SUCH A TERRIBLE BEHAVIOUR, AND YOUR MOTHER EXCUSE IS JUST PITIFUL, TO BLAME YOU FOR YOUR FATHER BEHAVIOUR, THEY ARE BOTH SICK AND FILTHY , HOW CAN ANYONE BLAME A CHILD, IT IS EASY TO LOSE SELF ESTEEME, GROWING UP IN SUCH ENVIRONMENT..BUT NOW YOU GOT MOVE ON, GET SOME COUNSELLING IT WOULD HELP YOU TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK, FACE TO FACE, SO SORRY YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, IT HELPED ME TO CONFRONT MY ABUSERS AND TELL THEM HOW I FELT...YOU MAKE FRIENDS HERE, LOVE LUCY''''

Thanks Lucy, I have been reading all of my posts on this site this evening...and wow!. Although I am fully aware of my life and all the trials that has followed me throughout, it has just dawned on me that I Am a strong woman! God has to have something amazing planned for me, because regardless of the fact that I could be angry at God for everything I've endured...I am not, and could never be...because on those days and nights when I wanted to die and I was so scared and alone all I could do is cry myself to sleep. It was God who made a path for me to make it through. When I was beaten, raped and had nobody I could lean on...he held me so tightly around my heart, that I felt safe and ready to take on the world. When I gave all I had with all of my heart and soul and was burned so badly and so many times that it broke my trust in anyone besides God; it was him who showed me that being the better person was the right thing to do and this too would pass and make me a stronger person. It is God that has carried me through every challenge I've encountered and because of that he in my eyes, is all the family I will ever need.

I never noticed how pathetic I sounded in my posts, and it makes me feel ashamed. Not because I have pain and hurt and anger that sometimes eats me alive, but because here I am somewhat healthy, a bit of a basket case at times...and almost never sure if I'm going to make the right choices in life. But I am still standing! After all the times I was made to feel useless and unworthy...and so sure that I was doomed to fail at everything I tried...they lost. I have defeated them all! No I don't have millions of dollars or mansions in every country, nor am I a supermodel or someone famous, and No I don't have my own business and every other thing I've always wanted. And maybe they have lucked out and struck gold in life and are living the life they've dreamed. But you know what they don't have and never will? They don't have my heart or my faith, or my will to survive anything that comes my way, and most importantly...they don't have me as a friend, family, or fool any longer. And no matter how badly they have hurt me, I still love them and wish them all the love their hearts and hands can hold.

Yes I'm still damaged and I'm sure I'll fall flat on my face from time to time trying to right all of their wrongs...and mine as well. But so are they... Because I apologize to those I have hurt and don't sleep until I have made it right...but they have yet to swallow their pride and simply do the same. Isn't it funny, how the simplest things can mend the most shattered hearts, but pride will almost always keep them blinded from it all. Yes Lucy I did suffer a great hurt in my life and I know I've got a long way to go before the wounds have become to heal...but I refuse to let life's trials steal my joy anymore.

Thank you for your kind words, your a diamond in the rough. God bless...

BLESSINGS TO YOU, WE HAVE BEEN BATTERD, REJECTED, WOUNDED, BUT WE HAVE SURVIVED, WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL FOR ''GOD'' ,THIS IS A POWERFUL TESTIMONY, WOULD YOU POST IT IN THE GROUP ''IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST'', WE ARE TO GIVE TESTIMONY OF WHAT ''GOD'' HAS DONE FOR US AND WILL DO, I AM LISTENING TO A CD FROM 'DEREK PRINCE' 'GOD WROTE YOUR SCENARIO'' ITS SUCH A POWERFUL AND STRENGTHENING MESSAGE, YES WE ARE ALL HERE FOR A PURPOSE, EVEN WITH OUR WORST BACKGROUND, SUFFERING ,WE ARE NOT DESTROYED BUT WE ARE STRONG BY FAITH, I AM SO GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU HAVE HUMBLED YOURSELF AND SHARED, THERE IS NO SHAME, IN SPEAKING ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS, FEELINGS, YOU WILL DO WELL ,AND SEE ''GOD'' BLESSINGS OVER YOU AND CHILDREN, HE HEARS OUR CRY AND DRIES OUR TEARS, YES I KNOW IT WELL..LOVING HUGS LUCY'''

my only friend at school just moved away, my brother is doing drugs, my sister is too busy with her husband and family to even come by anymore, dad doesnt care.

Just over a year ago I lost a very dear friend and my only friend in a tragic car accident. Just recenty I had an emotional break-down, and ended a relationship of 18 years. Now I am truely alone. No friends, my family is so different that just talking with them brings about bad feelings. We are all so different in the way we think and believe that it is just easier to not say anything.

My only saving grace right now is that I am finally working again after almost 4 years. Part-time, but it is better than no time.

I feel all alone is this great big world. Just want someone to talk with, hang out with, something. I haven't really had any close friends since my daughter was born 27 years ago. My friend that I lost last year I one in a million and now she is gone and I am alone once again.

I am 46 years old, stuck in my ways and stuck in a rut that I can't seem to get out of. I live in Colorado and one would think that with all the beauty that surrounds me I could find something. Nothing. I think I have given up and am just getting through the days now.

I've gone through my whole life without, for whatever reason, ever being able to develop close friendships with anyone. I've had many casual acquaintances, but no one to be a "true friend"...one to share life's successes and failues...one to share life's fears and goals. It's tough when something happens, good or bad, in one's life and there is no friend to share it with.

I am feeling alone because I continue messing up any good relationship I have because I haven't been able to get over my past fast enough. I was in the army and deployed and saw much that hurt me to the very core. Ever since then I have not been able to connect with anybody quickly. Well, I can fall in love and can want the relationship, but I cannot get over two life events that really messed me up.

First was the army. I had a few good friends of whom I knew their family well, die. For one I even personally delivered the news. I think that was the one that really messed me up. Second. I had a family. My wife wasn't very supportive and really just was never there in it. Ever. I had two beautiful girls I loved very much. All it took was a few months and a few arguments and it was gone. I married my wife before my last deployment in the army; so the timing was absolutely terrible.

I have been seeking help after this last breakup I went through. I did love her very much. I regret not being able to get past my past enough to love her the way she needed. I miss her terribly to this day, but I have been letting go. I have actually pinpointed the sources for my problems and have sought treatment to help me. I have to go to therapy the day after Christmas. I will make the most of it unlike the times before I have gone. I went in with a defeated attitude and an already negative view of therapy. It will change this time. I have to. I can't lose another good person or another good opportunity to make my life better.

I feel very lonely these days. I used to never feel that way at all. I reveled in my loneliness. It was my best friend. After two bad relationships; I know that I can't be alone. I know why I screwed them up. I have gone a long way towards fixing the problems. I cannot and will not miss my next opportunity. I HAVE to get better. I'm tired of being messed up.

because i am alone,
wife is divorcing me, she had/has affair, we have kids, we live in small town, she is school teacher, her boyfriend in similar role in community, our kids don't know, will be tough for them to know, will be tough for them if town knows, so I'm keeping it all to myself,
i'm alone with her secret and it is destroying me,
the diviorce is heart breaking, i love her
the affair is spirit killing, (only some you trust can betray you)
the secret part of things is destroyingme because I can't ffffffggg talk about it
----kids see the effect of the secret on me but don't know why
----people see same and don't know why

i have people that i could talk to do and that would help But they can't know

HELLO SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR BROKEN HEART, KEEPING THE SECRET IS NOT GOING TO LAST, BETTER TO BE HONEST, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, MY H BETRAYED ME, BELIEVE ME IT IS BETTER TO DIVORCE , ADULTERY IS A TERRIBLE DEED..IF I CAN HELP, I AM HERE, I DON'T LOVE HIM FOR OVER FIVE YEARS, I DESPISE HIM..
YOU ARE SUFFERING THE WORST BETRAYEL, YOU KNEED A FRIEND TO TALK AND SUPPORT YOU, LOVE LUCY**

I feel like I am losing everything that means anything to me.
The biological unit (most people would call her a mother) was never a mother. She taught me that I can't trust anyone. I mean if you can't your mom, who can you trust.
I don't remember much before my 14th year, outside of the memories that come back in my dreams. As a child there was nowhere to turn, because you just didn't talk about these things in those days. So now as an aging adult they are coming back full circle and I feel to ashamed to talk about them. I don't want people thinking I am looking for sympathy as that was never my style, so I just don't talk about it. Instead, I go to work (only because I know they don't care about me anyway, so I can hide there) and come home.
I have given up on dating due to the last relationship I was in. He always told me he loved me, and I so wanted to believe him, but actions speak louder than words and his actions started screaming at me to get out before it was to late. He never hit me, but he is abusive.
So here I am at 50 years old, wondering why I even bother anymore.
I have lost my dad (he was actually my step dad), who taught me what was unconditional was. I have lost my brother, who was always my protector, my hero. And I found out today that my only sister is not expected to last through next week.
There is more, much, much more that has brought me to this point. I am tired of always being the strong one. The one everyone else can turn to when they need to talk about something. Who is there for me? No one, that's who.
My children are grown and no longer need me. My grandchildren are the light of my life, but lately I feel like that is not enough to keep me earthbound.
I just want the pain and this dreadful feeling of being alone to go away.

HELLO SO SORRY FOR NOT BEING HERE, LIFE HAS BEEN TOO HARD FOR ME IN THE LAST 2 YEARS, HOPE TO BE HERE MORE, IF YOU FEEL SAD AND LONELY DO SHARE YOUR FELINGS, IT HELPS TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE EVEN A STRANGER CARES, LOVING HUGS LUCY**