Sorry to hear that. I can definitely relate to the aging thing, but for me I don’t fear dieing for some reason. What is it about dieing that scares you?

What scares me is two-fold. First, not knowing what’s after death, if anything. Secondly, knowing that I will never see the people I love again.

I certainly can relate. I understand what you mean by the 'worked up' feeling, it's such an intense anxiety. I have a keen interest in the universe, and I love reading about stars, nebulas, even the cosmic caterpillar and it always ends with me reading about our sun and the theories on how it's life will end, which inevitably finishes with me spending hours panicking about death and how we cannot stop time or ageing.
I'm not sure if this is like yourself, but I'm not scared of 'dying' as such, (I'm not scared of pain or how it'll happen), it's the things associated with it, such as: will that be it? Will my soul or existence linger?
It scares me so much and it's even more difficult because in effect, it isn't exactly an "irrational" fear when it's constantly occurring and is inevitable.

It always leads me to wonder why I, myself was born, do we all have our own purpose to contribute? Perhaps things aren't as black and white as it may seem sometimes.. or I'm just thinking far too into it haha.

But certainly know you're not alone, I'm 18 and I started thinking that way at around 8, I remember sitting in class thinking to myself, 'it's crazy how someone can live for 8 years without dying', I was in utter disbelief that I was still alive at that point. Obviously now I see how innocently naive I was hahaha

Thanks for your reply. I think about all those things also, especially how small we are in the infinite universe. I guess the fear wouldn’t be that bad if I could learn to effectively live in the moment and not in the future.

Strange that the subject of what we were meant to do came up. I always had this unwavering certainty that I was put on the earth to raise my daughter. I was single parent for the longest time and literally didn't care what happened to me, as long as she was safe and well cared for.

I didn't date or have a social for about 12-13 years. I just focused on being the best parent I could be and making sure she had what she needed. Long story short, she's all grown up, hates me, won't say why or even talk to me.

Now I'm over fifty and wondering what in the hell I really was meant to do, since it clearly wasn't that. I have this strong internal drive to figure out what that something is and get it done. Then some days I roll over like a self indulgent house cat, claw my blanket and think that perhaps all that was a load of BS. Maybe I'm pompous and arrogant for thinking little old me had any meaningful contribution to make.

Gutted,
I can relate to you on this, I’m someone who has suffered depression and anxiety all my life. I was fortunate enough to have a son, you could say he saved my life so far, because I feel I’m living for him. I’m trying to do everything opposite of how I was raised. I live for him now. He’s an amazing child and he deserves the best. I have comfort I’m knowing that after I know he is all grown and happy then I have the option to end this torture..

restful.....honestly I do have my moments when I do wonder what is next......but I think in this life we all need something to believe in. I do chose to believe in God. When i do have faith...it does help to calm me.... to know He is always there (although many times I wondered why he left bad things happen. Later I would discover what His reasoning was... usually to teach me yet another lesson)

If you do believe in God and his love then you will also believe that you will one day see those loved ones again. Those already passed will be waiting for you...as will you for those yet to come. This is what gives many people the strength and courage to face the deaths of their loved ones (knowing they will meet again...without all the pain and suffering

brightstar7- Yes. yes. Yes! I feel exactly the same way.

veggeiqueen- I must not be wired for God. I have tried and tried, but can't seem to connect with religion. I worry all the time that if I'm not real careful, I'll be reincarnated as the fly on an elephant's backside!

invisiblefriend-I don't know that your situation would be all that scary for me. I'd pick an isolated cliff overlooking the ocean and arrange for someone I know to sprinkle my ashes there. That would be tons cooler than being buried beside my screwed up family members...lol.