Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My grandson 11, told me a few days ago he does not like his step dad (I have suspected this for a long time) and told me why.
1- he doesn't let him speak. For example: "You didn't do your homework, no video games for two days." If my grandson tries to explain why (and if he didn't- there is usually a good reason because he is a good student) the step dad won't let him speak or defend himself. Once he 'lays down the law'- that's it.
2- my SIL cuffs my grandson on the side of the head or in the back of the head as 'discipline'. He also still spanks him.
3- he also thinks my SIL drinks too much beer.
4- my daughter thinks my grandson is exaggerating and needs to 'suck it up'.
I did not raise my kids this way.
1- he doesn't let him speak. For example: "You didn't do your homework, no video games for two days." If my grandson tries to explain why (and if he didn't- there is usually a good reason because he is a good student) the step dad won't let him speak or defend himself. Once he 'lays down the law'- that's it.
2- my SIL cuffs my grandson on the side of the head or in the back of the head as 'discipline'. He also still spanks him.
3- he also thinks my SIL drinks too much beer.
4- my daughter thinks my grandson is exaggerating and needs to 'suck it up'.
I did not raise my kids this way.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Video games....stay out. Period. Even if you think they're parenting wrong.
Spanking...I'm against spanking....but it's legal in most states. If he's not having marks left on him, it's legal...stay out.
Drinking: Is step dad an alcoholic? Or problem drinker? What's your interactions with the step dad like? Is he a mean drunk? This is a real concern...maybe. Kids, being kids, sometimes lack judgement. Is too much one beer? One six pack? One case? The amount someone drinks doesn't always tell the whole story though...
I think with the drinking...you need to go see for yourself.
(I asked my mother one time for one glass of wine. She called me an alcoholic to everyone for several years. True, my mother is extreme, but I've learned to never trust one person's view on anything. But you should investigate.)
If he is drinking too much he may be a nasty drinker... Not being able to speak if it's true would be huge emotionally
Bringing other people into a relationship once you have children is so hard on the kids... "Suck it up"... Is this child not worth hearing? or listening to?
I would be careful as others have said however if you have a good relationship with his mother perhaps discussing your child distress might be helpful... I agree with not judging her... However you grandson seems to be reaching out for help and to be heard as well... This is tough... Big hug and a blessing....xo
-My SIL is married to my daughter and lives with my grandson and my daughter.
- "could it be that he is being mean to her, too??? " He puts her down a lot.
-"Is this about video games?" No, they just use that as a form of punishment along with losing privileges, spanking, yelling and time out. However, my grandson is a really good kid most of the time. No school problems and everyone who knows him thinks he's a good kid.
- "do you think that the step dad has a drinking problem?" Yes, 90% of the time when I am around him he is intoxicated, has 1 DUI already and still drives under the influence. I have witnessed it.
- "What's your interactions with the step dad like?" He thinks I am a meddling, opinionated MIL that needs to stay out of his business. Until he needs money for his speeding tickets, DUI, car repairs, etc then I am fine. He was unemployed for 4 years (that's a whole other story and thread) and I literally paid rent and food for them during that time. If it had not been for me they would literally have been homeless.
- "he may be a nasty drinker" He is. He punched someone at a gas station who gave him attitude. He punched someone at a party because he was annoying him. He gets mean and irritable when he drinks. He drinks daily, not sure exactly how much but daily.
- "if you have a good relationship with his mother " over all we do but when we disagree it is usually over something he has done, like the drinking, DUI, etc.
I feel like I am watching an accident waiting to happen. My grandson and his step dad/my SIL are going to have problems when he is a teen. He asked me, "Why does my mom even like him?" My daughter has changed since she has been with this guy (they are married). She used to be fun but now she seems depressed and on the verge of anger all the time. I know I have to let my daughter figure things out for herself but I feel a lot of concern for my grandson. I feel like he is looking to me to help him with this.
.Let them know that this man is abusive to this child and that he is a nasty drunk...They can do an interview with your grandson and the parents
At least they'll be put on notice that someone's paying attention that has some authority ... Big hug... xo
You could try calling the school and speaking to the school counselors about your concerns for him. They probably won't discuss any concerns they have with you (privacy issues), but they will probably keep a closer eye out for anything going on with him, bruises, etc.
Calling child protection is a good idea, although I might wait until something else is going on in their lives, so that the step-dad won't automatically assume that it's you.
I'm sorry. So sorry.
I'd have given him a pass on punching someone once, but twice is a pattern and a bad one. My guess is that he's physically abusive to both your daughter and grandson.
Keep us updated.
It's not an easy situation for you but I think the best that you can do right now is not get too involved at least with unsolicited opinions. The SIL has the control right now and I wouldn't want to give him the ammunition he may be looking for to exclude you out of their lives.
I would think the school would be the best place to make a report. You could advise GS to talk to his student counselor as mentioned above, or you could inform the school to get their advice and maybe they would take it from there. Be prepared to have your relationship with your daughter come to and end for a very long time.