Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My son just turned 19. He is very immature for his age, and seems to be doing things all wrong. I'm afraid I will lose him. I would like some input from parents who have dealt with similar situations please?
My son was kicked out of high school for a year due to fighting. Returned and barely graduated. We sent him off to college out of town, and he did nothing but party, got all E's. For some unknown reason, he talked us into letting him return to college and we did. This time his studies were attended to, but he got busted for drugs smoking pot in his dorm. we had to withdrawal him or he would get expelled. Upon his return home, he became very distant. He talked to us about going back to college, so we registered him for a community school class. He attended twice before he gave up. He started smoking pot in his room, or would leave the house and return high. One night he got caught with alchol by the cops, a search discovered items that when the cop asked where he got them, he admitted he stole them. He spent the night in jail and only called us in the morning to pick him up. We finally picked him up hours later after he walked half way home from jail. The next day he was fired from his job. We had him admitted to a mental facility as he became very depressed over these months and was suidicial. Upon his release from the hospital, where we were encouraged to help him get some drug rehab, he went out and smoked more pot. I finally have an appointment today for a rehab assessment, that he agreed to go to, but he is up to his old tricks. Staying out all night. He even brought someone else home tonight that got kicked out of his house and wanted this guy to spend the night with us. I refused to allow this. My son left with the boy, later snuck quietly back home and is in his room with the door locked. I suspect the young man is with my son in his room. Today I will ask him if he still intends to go the the rehab assessment, as it doesn't seem like it. I just feel like we have lost our son. He was a good boy, always "spirited" (ADHD), was an honor roll student at one time, went to church, was a boy scout, participated in sports all year long, and was just a good kid. I don't know wht happened and am very concerned. Any advice for such behavior? Should I kick him out? He is an "adult" according to the legal system. He still has court to attend for drugs and theft. He has stolen money from us, not much, but still a thief. What do I do? My husband and I are totally at wits end with him.
My son was kicked out of high school for a year due to fighting. Returned and barely graduated. We sent him off to college out of town, and he did nothing but party, got all E's. For some unknown reason, he talked us into letting him return to college and we did. This time his studies were attended to, but he got busted for drugs smoking pot in his dorm. we had to withdrawal him or he would get expelled. Upon his return home, he became very distant. He talked to us about going back to college, so we registered him for a community school class. He attended twice before he gave up. He started smoking pot in his room, or would leave the house and return high. One night he got caught with alchol by the cops, a search discovered items that when the cop asked where he got them, he admitted he stole them. He spent the night in jail and only called us in the morning to pick him up. We finally picked him up hours later after he walked half way home from jail. The next day he was fired from his job. We had him admitted to a mental facility as he became very depressed over these months and was suidicial. Upon his release from the hospital, where we were encouraged to help him get some drug rehab, he went out and smoked more pot. I finally have an appointment today for a rehab assessment, that he agreed to go to, but he is up to his old tricks. Staying out all night. He even brought someone else home tonight that got kicked out of his house and wanted this guy to spend the night with us. I refused to allow this. My son left with the boy, later snuck quietly back home and is in his room with the door locked. I suspect the young man is with my son in his room. Today I will ask him if he still intends to go the the rehab assessment, as it doesn't seem like it. I just feel like we have lost our son. He was a good boy, always "spirited" (ADHD), was an honor roll student at one time, went to church, was a boy scout, participated in sports all year long, and was just a good kid. I don't know wht happened and am very concerned. Any advice for such behavior? Should I kick him out? He is an "adult" according to the legal system. He still has court to attend for drugs and theft. He has stolen money from us, not much, but still a thief. What do I do? My husband and I are totally at wits end with him.
So my advice is to find your nerves of steel, get on the same page as your husband, and start.
I had a foster brother with similar problems, he was a darling of a boy and now he is a lovely man although he's still got problems periodically. I'm also a volunteer at a community centre where I work with people like that. Don't disown your son if you don't want to lose him. I realise that it can be hard to let him stay at home if he goes on stealing but try to make him realise the consequences if he can't stop stealing at home.
Statistics for homeless drug-addicts are devastating, it's a very small minority that learn their lesson the hard way. Those who manage to keep a link to their families and homes stand a vastly greater chance! And it's very important that people with that kind of problems have access to food...if nothing else try always to have a lunch pack ready for your boy because under-nourishment is a killer on the streets.
Ask for help and counselling and try to persuade your son to seek help. I do wish you good luck.
My g/s is ADD and it has been a long struggle for my daughter.
life on the street --- or gets professional help. If you give him "the choice" he's one step closer to taking control of his life.
Good Luck, and may he do better in the future.
But I urge you of two things- set the limits simply- lay out the consequences and follow them. I fear that if you plan to talk to him about how awful his behavior is for a long car ride you are just going to drive the situation further into despair. he is not willing or able to accept responsibility for his problems at this point and i fear you are just going to anger and isolate him more. I would also suggest you seek out a social worker who is an EXPERT in dealing with addiction and can help you work out limits and boundaries with him!
good luck!