Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My family's holidays are fractured this year. Some background.....My brother in law is basically a bully. If you do something he doesn't like or agree with, he will yell and scream at you and he's said, he doesn't care if he hurts your feelings. Several years ago, my husband told my sister something he didn't like that she did and the insults that came flying back from the two of them were just shocking. It included the statement that they don't like my husband, he's a know it all, he's a baby because he works part time while I work full time and he needs to grow some balls. My sister's response to all the ugliness that comes from her husband is "that's just the way he's wired". He yelled at my Mom on mother's day for making an inappropriate statement (It was inappropriate, but she has early Alzheimer's and those kind of statements will continue and get worse). He's yelled at her like this for over 30 and it hasn't stopped her saying things he doesn't like.
So, the Mother's Day incident is like the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't like to be around him and my Mom is uncomfortable at their home. So, at a lunch out with my sister in September, she goaded me asking why I didn't come for her kids school functions all the time. She went on and on and I finally told her that I didn't like being around her husband. So, they take that statement and decide they won't come to my house for Thanksgiving and they won't do Christmas with us. My parents are devastated As it stands, I have to work Christmas day so my parents and out of town cousin will go to my sister's house on Christmas and they will come to mine on 12/26. I was supposed to meet with my brother in law during the 1st week of December to work this out, but I did't see how it would change anything, So I cancelled. He doesn't care if he hurts someone's feeling, but by God, you better not hurt theirs. Such a double standard. I don't know why they didn't say "it seems we have something to work out: instead of just up and cancelling the holidays.
I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just venting. Thank You.
So, the Mother's Day incident is like the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't like to be around him and my Mom is uncomfortable at their home. So, at a lunch out with my sister in September, she goaded me asking why I didn't come for her kids school functions all the time. She went on and on and I finally told her that I didn't like being around her husband. So, they take that statement and decide they won't come to my house for Thanksgiving and they won't do Christmas with us. My parents are devastated As it stands, I have to work Christmas day so my parents and out of town cousin will go to my sister's house on Christmas and they will come to mine on 12/26. I was supposed to meet with my brother in law during the 1st week of December to work this out, but I did't see how it would change anything, So I cancelled. He doesn't care if he hurts someone's feeling, but by God, you better not hurt theirs. Such a double standard. I don't know why they didn't say "it seems we have something to work out: instead of just up and cancelling the holidays.
I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just venting. Thank You.
Based on what you posted, it sounds as though he suffers from narcissism also. I look at this personality type as having a very deep seeded neurosis. They throw insults at anyone they feel threatens that very fragile sense of self-esteem.
It is a double standard and not one, if I were you, would tolerate. To meet him to discuss how you could work out the relationship between you two will only result in more insults and you being defeated. You can't win or change the mind of a narcissist. He won't see your side, only his. Your sister, I'm afraid is probably a co-dependent.
As for the holidays, I would spend your time with family and friends that make you happy and not with someone that you have to constantly dodge insults with. I would refuse to have to walk on egg shells during the holiday season.