Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am again in grief over my root family. I still wonder if I was ever adopted or wonder why on earth family would treat another like crap.
In the fall, my mom had admitted to giving my siblings all the help that they needed and nothing for me. My sister adds "Yeah we were never there for you." I did confront my mom on favoritism a few years back and she denied it.
When I was younger and had some problems, I would try and reach out to my family only to be severely scolded and they would go up one side and down the other. When I needed family the most they were never there.
I would have to reach out to social agencies for help and the social workers would be disgusted with my family. They would tell me that it's not right.
My boyfriend has asked me what on earth did I do to my family to get treated that way. Then I told him the history. Ever since I was a young girl, after the divorce, my mom was never there for me and my father abandoned me. My maternal grandparents had to intervene so I could get the support that I needed.
My "mom and Dad" passed away in the 90s. I live in the city of my birth and my root family is here but don't bother with me at all.....
I'm sick of being let down and being treated that way. Time to move on with life and to focus more on my life and happiness......
In the fall, my mom had admitted to giving my siblings all the help that they needed and nothing for me. My sister adds "Yeah we were never there for you." I did confront my mom on favoritism a few years back and she denied it.
When I was younger and had some problems, I would try and reach out to my family only to be severely scolded and they would go up one side and down the other. When I needed family the most they were never there.
I would have to reach out to social agencies for help and the social workers would be disgusted with my family. They would tell me that it's not right.
My boyfriend has asked me what on earth did I do to my family to get treated that way. Then I told him the history. Ever since I was a young girl, after the divorce, my mom was never there for me and my father abandoned me. My maternal grandparents had to intervene so I could get the support that I needed.
My "mom and Dad" passed away in the 90s. I live in the city of my birth and my root family is here but don't bother with me at all.....
I'm sick of being let down and being treated that way. Time to move on with life and to focus more on my life and happiness......
Two thoughts. First is that maybe there is something that happened involving you that caused your parents to split. You will probably never know now that your parents are gone but that would be my guess. I have a friend who's grandmother blames him because his father abused his half-siblings. Sins of the father stuff.
The more important thought is that you cannot change the past. So instead of investing more of your energy and emotion into something that will never pay you any return, it's time to move on. Truly leave the past behind in a way that does not continue to drag you down. If you accept that your parents did what they did for reasons that made sense to them at the time you might be able to lay it to rest. I'm sure there are things that you have done that you know others will never understand or agree with..so give your parents that acceptance. Because until you can do that you are only letting them hurt you more.
It's time to focus completely on yourself. Choose those members of your family who you truly like and leave the rest behind. You don't owe anyone anything.
There's this whole concept of family dynamics. Each family has its own way of coping with stresses that are mostly subconscious. Usually kids are assigned roles as they come into the family; things like hero, caregiver, lost child etc. The theory is that the family mantains its balance by foisting off certain "duties" onto particular members. But basically you can't change the role you've been given unless the other members of the family are aware enough to realize what's going on. Most families don't get it. My family doesn't get it either. I have sometimes wondered if I was adopted too, but I look too much like the rest of them.
Tigg is right, you do have to move on. You can't make them change or even make them realize what they're doing. Most of their behavior is subconscious anyway. The most important thing you can do is a better job if or when you have children of your own. Don't let what they've done to you effect how you raise your child or children.