Family Issues Support Group

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Stuck between a rock & a hard place

CVCS
CVCS

Hi all, this is my firt time posting but I need impartial advice. My issue with my in laws (specifically my mother in law) has come to a head now that my baby shower, for my second child, is 1 week away. 


---Key Players---


SR- Mother in Law


DE- Father in Law


KR- Father in Law's NEW Wife


LO- Sister in Law (married to my Brother in Law)


Let me give you some background... SR and DE had a nasty divorce about 15 years ago. DE cheated on SR with his now wife KR (SR & KR were friends which makes this much worse). This all happened way before my husband and I met but we still deal with the hurt feelings and awkwardness on a regular basis. Now to LO... 4 years ago she stopped talking to SR and prevented SR from seeing her grandkids (3 boys) for 2 years because she didn't like the way she grandparented. LO reconciled with SR but now is not talking to, and preventing DE & KR from seeing the grandkids. (this is a whole other issue that has strained my husband and his brother's relationship)


Back to my current issue, my Mom and sister are throwing my baby shower for my second child, in 1 week. With my first child's Birthday, important milestones we have always invited the entire family and suffered through the awkwardness of having SR, DE, and KR in the same room (LO and brother in law never show). With my first child's baby shower, KR did not attend knowing that her prescense makes SR unhappy. I was fine with that but in the last 5 years, I have become much closer to KR than SR. From the moment the Invite went out (2 months ago) SR has asked me if KR is going. When my initial response was, "I don't know', SR threw an adult tantrum, stating "I don't know why she is being invited since I'm the mother, it's not fair that I have to be uncomfortable, it's not fair since I did nothing wrong"... so on and so on... I don't like confrontation with SR so I clam up. My Husband spoke with SR last week to let her know what KR is going to be there and since then SR has been passive aggressive towards us. What do I do? SR is super sensitive and my husband and I don't know what to say to her without seeming like we are taking sides. We don't want to take sides. ***side note, SR is remarried and has been for the last 6 years. As heartless as it sounds, why does SR care about DE & KR if she is "happily" remarried and talks about how awful it was to be married with DE???


Now on to LO... Since LO is not speaking to KR and has banned her from her family, what type of responsibility, if any, do I have to LO to let her know KR will be there?


Sorry if this has been extremely confusing but any input or advice will really help. 

joesmoes294
joesmoes294
What is this a mathematical equation? Take a vacation and get away from the in laws
ekhmimi
ekhmimi
Which one of the 3 do you like best? Invite that one. If either of the other two will come with that one present, invite them, if not, gently explain that the offending in-law will be there (with some BS excuse like they RSVP'ed first), so you'll understand if they don't want to come.
rawblu07
rawblu07
I say, go with your heart. Whatever you think is the best decision. This baby shower is about a new life and sharing it with the people that mean the most to you. This baby shower isn't about your inlaws...so you decide. At the end of the day they are all adults and should understand your decisions.
pd2012
pd2012
With all this family dysfunctionality, I don't think I would have had a baby shower, especially for a second birth. I would suggest inviting everyone with the stipulation that the first one that makes another uncomfortable would need to leave the event.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I would tell any of these people that may want to start drama what rawblu wrote... This is a celebration of new life and sharing it with people that mean the most to us ....Hopefully you can all understand and appreciate that....If they choose not to come so be it... Big hug...I hope you have a great day.... Welcome to DS....xo
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