Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am in a tough situation. My partner's ex-wife is a psychologist. The ex-wife was sadly raped at age 13, during an unchaperoned visit abroad. Her father does not know of the rape to this day. The ex turned to drugs, alcohol, and became promiscuous for about 15 yrs. after the rape. She even lived in her car for awhile and survived on cat food. The ex also came home from school one day in high school and her mother had moved out...without even talking to any of her children about it. The mom is an alcoholic and would call ex up during drunken binges and threatening suicide. The ex's dad was a thoracic surgeon, with little people skills. For example, instead of saying goodbye when he was done speaking to someone on the phone, he'd abruptly hang up, without saying anything.
Fast forward....my partner and his ex meet and date a few years before they get married. They buy a house, which my partner completely renovated on his own. His ex did nothing. The ex pressured my partner to have a baby, even though he pleaded with her that they should wait until they were in better financial shape. He caved. During the pregnancy, the ex went off all psych meds. Even though my partner was a highly trained paramedic, his ex wouldn't consider his advice about labor, delivery, etc. The ex refused to let my partner participate in the care of the baby....not allowed to feed, bathe, diaper, for no reason other that she wanted control.
When baby was a few months old, my partner wanted to go to counseling to deal with the issues. He even let ex pick the therapist. In one session, the therapist said that the ex needed to let my partner be a father and participate. Several days later, the ex sent and email to my partner and said that they should get a divorce. She moved out with the baby while my partner was working.
The "baby" is now 7. My partner and his ex have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on court costs. The ex refuses any kind of coparenting or compromising. As she is a mental health professional, the courts seem to presume that she is the better parent. A psychiatrist assigned by the court to evaluate both parents advised the ex that she is inflicting parental alienation on the child. The ex doesn't care. She continues to alienate the child from her father. Father is supposed to be able to call daughter once a day. The phone has not been answered in months....Gifts go unacknowledged. For her dad's birthday and Xmas, the ex brought daughter to Dad's house, without so much as a card.
My partner has to pretend he doesn't have a daughter most of the time in order to cope. He loves his daughter very much, but this battle is taking it's toll on her and him.
How do we get this so-called mental health professional to tow the line? To realize what she's doing?
Fast forward....my partner and his ex meet and date a few years before they get married. They buy a house, which my partner completely renovated on his own. His ex did nothing. The ex pressured my partner to have a baby, even though he pleaded with her that they should wait until they were in better financial shape. He caved. During the pregnancy, the ex went off all psych meds. Even though my partner was a highly trained paramedic, his ex wouldn't consider his advice about labor, delivery, etc. The ex refused to let my partner participate in the care of the baby....not allowed to feed, bathe, diaper, for no reason other that she wanted control.
When baby was a few months old, my partner wanted to go to counseling to deal with the issues. He even let ex pick the therapist. In one session, the therapist said that the ex needed to let my partner be a father and participate. Several days later, the ex sent and email to my partner and said that they should get a divorce. She moved out with the baby while my partner was working.
The "baby" is now 7. My partner and his ex have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on court costs. The ex refuses any kind of coparenting or compromising. As she is a mental health professional, the courts seem to presume that she is the better parent. A psychiatrist assigned by the court to evaluate both parents advised the ex that she is inflicting parental alienation on the child. The ex doesn't care. She continues to alienate the child from her father. Father is supposed to be able to call daughter once a day. The phone has not been answered in months....Gifts go unacknowledged. For her dad's birthday and Xmas, the ex brought daughter to Dad's house, without so much as a card.
My partner has to pretend he doesn't have a daughter most of the time in order to cope. He loves his daughter very much, but this battle is taking it's toll on her and him.
How do we get this so-called mental health professional to tow the line? To realize what she's doing?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
The first time the drop off or exchange didn't happen as it should, I would call the police, with my court order in hand.
"my partner has to pretend he doesn't have a daughter most of the time in order to cope"....
That doesn't make any sense to me. I would call the police or get a lawyer or something. It's 2016, gone are the days when the Father's rights were ignored.
Her past doesn't matter to a court either, so all the past behavior stuff you posted is just hear say.... I don't think anything matters except the custody arrangement and the law.
As to what history is relevant...it's child custody, which means that the laws very greatly state by state and even within states. Judges can let in whatever they want, ignore whatever they want, and basically do whatever they want.
I was a stay at home mother in Pennsylvania...which means my ex would have been out of luck if I'd have played mental games with the kids.
Lucky for my ex (well not lucky...he really did pick a nice person to have kids with), I was/ am a nice person.
Sounds to me like your boyfriend's ex has personal connections in Massachusetts.
I think that he's going to need the best most well known lawyer that he can afford.
Good luck,
Patti
Are you sure you're not posting because it's also taking a toll on you???
Are you sure there isn't anything else going on and that that is the whole story? Because literally if there is a court agreement he knows he just has to report what is not being followed.......
Also, the court doesn't know about her past life and traumas.. they don't go over that in court... Her traumas do not effect her ability to be a mother to the child she birthed...
The judge has appointed a GAL for my partner's daughter, and said in court "something strange is going on here". The child refused to talk to court ordered therapist. There are alot of odd behaviors exhibited by the daughter and my partner is justifiably worried that his daughter is suffering.
With respect to "alice92", your comment "she would not have the custody in the first place because neglect and abuse would have shown something to the child welfare worker.." is very naive. The ex is a psychologist who knows the system and the players involved very well. When one is dealing with the legal system, things aren't always done logically. Sometimes there are side deals going on between lawyers and their cases, sometimes the judge is in a bad mood. You just never know. It is my partner's issue to deal with, and yes, it is taking a toll on me. That is why I posted!