Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
any advice welcome - please tell me what you think not what you think I want to hear, as I struggle for perspective.
this problem may seem very trivial to most of you, but it has ruined the last 10 years of my life.
my husband - in my opinion - has a very unhealthy relationship with his sister. she behaves like she is his wife, and I'm his mistress. this causes her to scream and shout and throw things at me and go. and acts with extreme jealousy if he even speeks to me in her presents.
at first, I assumed she was just immature and over time things would improve. however, I left my country to be with my husband so I don't have family daily support, spent many years struggling with language and didn't realise how toxic she became. then I suffered from multiple miscarriages and kind of shut down for a few years while my husband was being told what a bad wife I was.
I have many stories of how my sister in law has almost devoted her life to hurting me, but I'm only concern ed with my husband s role in this.
a year ago, I spent a few weeks with my parents, when we returned on the first morning back after I got up, she got in to bed with my husband. I should say ages - I'm 37, she is 35, my husband 41. when I tried to tell my husband it was wrong he said it was cultural - but by this point I'd lived there 12 years (unlike either of them) held down a job the whole time so have friends. its not cultural. a few months later, I held a small party she sat on his knee throughout. when I tried to talk to him, she screamed hystericaly I was taking him from her (this was my first attempt at a party for 2 years when I'd been devastated by a late eptopic pregnancy). when my best friend and mother tried to reason, her behaviour caused my mother so much stress she needed to be hospitalised. my husband was annoyed we upset his sister. a little later, he begged me to spend a weekend with his father and sister. I pleaded not to, but we went. a few days in to being trapped in a small space being systematic aly mentallyabused, I suffered a mini stroke (I have a genetic blood disorder) scared, I asked for help - she laphed and left, it was a few hours before my husband found me.
when my husband tried to defend her - impossible, she is a doctor who knows my history, and the symptoms were obvious. I told him to leave.
he was devastated, feeling I'd never complained - just one day kicked him out. he might have a point, that I never made a huge deal about it, I just assumed he would love me enough to prevent this.
over the last 10 months I have rebuilt my life, and insisting my husband must behave like one . he has really done a lot. he got a job, we visit each other lots and talk about rebuilding our marriage. we have a plan. much as I wanted to spend Christmas together, I thought it would hurt him to insist he does not see his sister, so I suggested I go to my family and we spend new year together.
now he is annoyed with me as his sister is very upset he won't spend new year with her. I tried to be calm, we have been married 12 years, and always done as she wanted.
I thought the argument, however unpleasant would pass.
my home is a 10 minute drive from his dads, but when I realised how late the calls were i asked where he was sleeping. he is sleeping with his sister - he didn't even think I'd find it weird. its a single bed.
I feel sick, he keeps saying its normal.
I love him completely, but surly this is wrong. I'm hurt confused - this. I can live with - but I find it repulsive, which I can't . I'm I wrong (again tell me what you think, not what you think I want to here)
thanks so much for reading
this problem may seem very trivial to most of you, but it has ruined the last 10 years of my life.
my husband - in my opinion - has a very unhealthy relationship with his sister. she behaves like she is his wife, and I'm his mistress. this causes her to scream and shout and throw things at me and go. and acts with extreme jealousy if he even speeks to me in her presents.
at first, I assumed she was just immature and over time things would improve. however, I left my country to be with my husband so I don't have family daily support, spent many years struggling with language and didn't realise how toxic she became. then I suffered from multiple miscarriages and kind of shut down for a few years while my husband was being told what a bad wife I was.
I have many stories of how my sister in law has almost devoted her life to hurting me, but I'm only concern ed with my husband s role in this.
a year ago, I spent a few weeks with my parents, when we returned on the first morning back after I got up, she got in to bed with my husband. I should say ages - I'm 37, she is 35, my husband 41. when I tried to tell my husband it was wrong he said it was cultural - but by this point I'd lived there 12 years (unlike either of them) held down a job the whole time so have friends. its not cultural. a few months later, I held a small party she sat on his knee throughout. when I tried to talk to him, she screamed hystericaly I was taking him from her (this was my first attempt at a party for 2 years when I'd been devastated by a late eptopic pregnancy). when my best friend and mother tried to reason, her behaviour caused my mother so much stress she needed to be hospitalised. my husband was annoyed we upset his sister. a little later, he begged me to spend a weekend with his father and sister. I pleaded not to, but we went. a few days in to being trapped in a small space being systematic aly mentallyabused, I suffered a mini stroke (I have a genetic blood disorder) scared, I asked for help - she laphed and left, it was a few hours before my husband found me.
when my husband tried to defend her - impossible, she is a doctor who knows my history, and the symptoms were obvious. I told him to leave.
he was devastated, feeling I'd never complained - just one day kicked him out. he might have a point, that I never made a huge deal about it, I just assumed he would love me enough to prevent this.
over the last 10 months I have rebuilt my life, and insisting my husband must behave like one . he has really done a lot. he got a job, we visit each other lots and talk about rebuilding our marriage. we have a plan. much as I wanted to spend Christmas together, I thought it would hurt him to insist he does not see his sister, so I suggested I go to my family and we spend new year together.
now he is annoyed with me as his sister is very upset he won't spend new year with her. I tried to be calm, we have been married 12 years, and always done as she wanted.
I thought the argument, however unpleasant would pass.
my home is a 10 minute drive from his dads, but when I realised how late the calls were i asked where he was sleeping. he is sleeping with his sister - he didn't even think I'd find it weird. its a single bed.
I feel sick, he keeps saying its normal.
I love him completely, but surly this is wrong. I'm hurt confused - this. I can live with - but I find it repulsive, which I can't . I'm I wrong (again tell me what you think, not what you think I want to here)
thanks so much for reading
This is one toxic relationship, but It's not up to me to say end it, so I'll just say the both of you go to marriage counseling and be totally open about Everything.
There isn't a reputable counselor out there that will say it's ok for him to sleep and defend his sister over you.
I do think, though, that this is more about him choosing his sister over you. I'd be ready to divorce my husband if my SIL left me for dead and he still cozied up to her after I told him it bothers me.
I'd go to MC and have a professional work this through.