Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi, I used this group alot last year which did help me my situation was that I had cut my family out because of all the drama that surrounds them and how I do not want to be involved. Since then I have re connected with all of my family which I feel is a bad mistake now I am also 8 months pregnant I am married and have 2 children here is my situation today. My younger sister lets call her Emily wanted to throw me a baby shower I said okay which I was hesitant at first because she is known for being over controlling but I let it slide thinking it could be a good day. I had spoken to her and asked why she did not invite my best friend and she replied because she would hurt my brothers girlfriends feelings if she came, but back up is this day not about me and my baby? i wondered if I was over reacting but no I do not believe I was this is my best friend who wants to be there who doesn't cause drama who is an adult. The situation between my other brother and my best friend were 3 years ago they dated broke up and he dated this girl whom he is still dating. Since then my best friend has gotten married and my bother has a son with his current girlfriend. Now I am not speaking to my sister and I called the whole thing off because they refused to let my best friend come because this girls feelings would be hurt but she is my best friend....am I over reacting? Should I just cut my family out totally again life was so much peaceful without all of this and I can feel depression setting in because the situation just keeps escalating because my sister will not leave me alone through my family she loves it when I am upset it is very hard to ignore when my family keeps involving me and I keep saying stop but they don't and then they get up set with me when she is known for over drama and she has an panic disorder and she twists a lot of situations I feel like everyone is tip toeing around her but blaming me for everything. I need help because this is not good for me or my baby and I do not know how to control this.
Let me ask you this: did you have any idea, before you agreed to the baby shower, that your sister did not want to invite your best friend? It seems odd that this friend was not in your thoughts as you agreed to have the shower; however pregnancy often brings on temporary memory lapse. And I really agree with you that your best friend should have an invitation to come. There is very little doubt that your sister will not agree to your terms. So, what may be best for you and your best friend is to meet after the baby shower is over. Most likely, this will be a more comfortable situation for both your best friend and your brothers girlfriend. If she really is your best friend, then she will not mind waiting until the invited guest have left the scene.
I certainly hope for a healthy relationship between you and your family, and I also send you my best for a healthy baby, God bless!
If you feel comfortable in talking to your sister let her know how you want you day to be as well as whom should be invited if she does not comply or gets snappy with you then personally I would leave her out of the whole thing and limit your contact with her or drop the contact all together. I know it isn't easy when it comes to having what I call toxic family members but for my own sake of peace and happiness I chose to drop all contact with those who disrupt my life.
I feel no need to put in any effort to try and get along as I feel life is just too short to deal with people who do not wish to change and make life better. Anyway only you can decide what is best for your situation but I do think your day should be a special one with no drama. Wishing you the very best:)
You are on your way to having your 3rd child, I can tell you from personal experience stop doing what others expect from you and start doing what you want for you, and your children. Do you want to look back 5 years from now and be dissapointed in how you did/did not handle this situation?
Just a thought- maybe skip the baby shower all together and have a "birth-day" party after the baby is born. then the baby could be at the party to and you can do it on you own terms. Have it somewhere nuteral- your home or a local community center/hall. You can then delegate what you would like people to help with and what you would like to do yourself. You could also have the "men" there as well if you choose to...making it more of a celbration than a traditional baby shower.
Finally for me I had to look at did I want my kids growing up in the situations my family involved themselves? was there room in my life to continue to participate or accept the drama that my family could not seem to stay out of or atleast leave me out of....
I finally decided no, i did not want to be explaing to my children that it was "just the way uncle or grandpa is" but its really not how we are...its to confusing for children to be part of that kind of roller coaster in my opinion.
What is your husbands opinion on this situation?